From August 2015

Trust Me, I’m a Toddler

Grandad is visiting. The Toddler needs to take a look at his leg. Thankfully, The Toddler is a doctor today. Goodness knows what we would have done if this had been one of the days when she is an imaginary painter and decorator.

Anyway, Grandad’s leg is playing up. Literally. It keeps waving around in a most indecorous manner. The Toddler is not impressed. This is not the proper way for a leg to behave. She tells the leg, in no uncertain terms, to: ‘Calm down!’

Doctor Toddler feels further investigations are needed: ‘Get doctor kit. Need to fix you, Grandad.’ The Toddler rushes off and returns with her doctor’s kit. She is now ready to take care of Grandad. She explains what she will be doing to Grandad: ‘Me check you.’

Out comes the stethoscope. The Toddler puts it on and holds the end to Grandad’s chest: ‘Breathe out.’ (Breathe out? Where has she learnt this? Has Silly Mummy tuned out the episode of Peppa Pig where Peppa goes to medical school: ‘Oh, Peppa! You can’t use defibrillators in a muddy puddle! Ho ho ho!’)
Grandad asks, ‘Am I okay?’
The Toddler is reassuring: ‘Yeah.’

The examination is not yet over. The Toddler is now brandishing an otoscope and prodding at Grandad’s ear. Grandad enquires, ‘How’re my ears?’
The Toddler has further good news: ‘It’s good!’

Grandad is not The Toddler’s only patient. The Toddler approaches Silly Mummy, waving medical instruments: ‘And you!’ Apparently, Silly Mummy is also due for a health check. Silly Mummy is a little nervous: The Toddler’s Peppa Pig and George figures have already undergone preliminary tests. Silly Mummy fears the results were not good: Peppa and George have been bundled into the doctor’s kit. That can’t be a good sign.

The Toddler has now checked Grandad’s reflexes with her little hammer, and threatened to ‘do something’ with the tweezers. Her examination of Grandad is complete, and The Toddler appears to have identified the problem. She points at Grandad: ‘This is not funny!’ It’s just good to finally have a diagnosis.

Speaking for The Baby

This is a blog about children’s language. Specifically, my children’s language. Mostly The Toddler’s language, The Baby’s vocabulary currently consisting of ‘cat’. I have noticed something about The Toddler’s language (hey, it’s only taken forty odd blog posts about The Toddler’s language for me to notice something about it.) What I have noticed is this: the times when The Toddler chooses to speak for The Baby are quite interesting.

Mostly, you see, The Toddler does not speak for The Baby. Much of the time, she leaves The Baby to her own babbling, shouting or fussing devices. She appears to accept that this is what The Baby does, and does not intervene. Sometimes, The Toddler is interested in what The Baby is saying, and will join in with baby talk. Very occasionally, she will try to translate (which is to say, she will make it up). Other times, she pays no attention at all.

However, when The Baby’s noises show an emotion, particularly a negative one, The Toddler will usually get involved. She will report The Baby’s feelings to Mummy: ‘The Baby is sad.’ She will offer reassurance to The Baby: ‘Don’t worry, the Baby!’ She will be on hand to assist The Baby: ‘I’m coming, The Baby!’ She will try to cuddle and kiss The Baby. She will offer dummies, water and toys.

Most notably, when something is being done to The Baby that The Baby does not like (nasal aspiration, when needed, has never been popular), The Toddler will speak for her. She will be outspoken and very insistent: ‘No! Don’t do that! Stop doing that! The Baby doesn’t like that! Don’t do it!’

Likewise, when The Toddler believes The Baby wants or needs something, she will voice the need on The Baby’s behalf: ‘The Baby want more food. Get her more food, please.’

It appears that The Toddler recognises that The Baby does not have the words to tell people how she feels or what she needs (‘cat’, as it turns out, is not the most useful of words). The Toddler uses her words on The Baby’s behalf when she believes The Baby needs help.

What does this behaviour demonstrate? It suggests that The Toddler has some understanding of how important words can be as a means of expression. Certainly, it shows that The Toddler is able to recognise emotions in others, and has learnt some appropriate responses. Perhaps there is also empathy there. Maybe The Toddler is already showing an ability to empathise with her little sister. Probably a little. She has an innate human ability for empathy, and she is starting to learn to develop it. However, at her age, it seems unlikely her understanding of others has developed to the level of true empathy yet, not empathy as adults would understand or display it. One thing I believe The Toddler’s behaviour is absolutely indicative of, is how completely she has accepted The Baby. The Baby is hers, a part of the world The Toddler views as hers. The Toddler looks after what is hers, simply because it is hers. Perhaps, then, she is protecting her sister more than understanding her, at present. Or maybe it is a little of both.

Whatever the motivation, The Toddler instinctively speaks up for one who cannot speak for herself. Adults often develop inhibitions that prevent them from speaking out, even when they feel that they should; for a toddler, nothing stands in the way.

Soon, of course, The Baby will have her own words. She will speak for herself. However, I have no doubt that there will still be times when she will need her sister to speak up for her. Just as there will be times when she is needed to speak up for The Toddler. I hope that, no matter how old they are, my girls will always understand when the other needs them. I hope they will each always have the words to fight for their sister when she can’t do it for herself.

What do you think? Are two year olds capable of showing empathy? How do your children relate to each other? Do they protect each other?