A Spinny Armpits: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature, and The Toddler has a few suggestions for JK Rowling, but first here she is:

1. On doing spells
The Toddler is waving a hoover attachment at Silly Mummy and yelling, ‘A spinny armpits!’ Yes, she means ‘expelliarmus’. Silly Mummy likes The Toddler’s version better. Perhaps JK Rowling would like to rewrite the Harry Potter books with spells by The Toddler? And hoover attachments as wands. The Students can all visit Mr Dyson instead of Mr Ollivander: ‘The lint tool chooses the wizard, Mr Potter.’

2. On PA systems, conversations with
Silly Mummy, The Toddler and The Baby are in the supermarket, passing the travelator. Someone gets onto the travelator, and it starts giving its automated instructions: ‘Stand still and hold onto the hand rail.’ The Toddler is not one to miss out on a conversation, whether it involves her or not: ‘Right, I’m standing still. Standing still now.’ She’s actually sitting in the pushchair. Apparently she is expecting further input from the travelator. She reaffirms: ‘I’m standing still.’ The travelator is a bit rude and fails to acknowledge The Toddler’s compliance with its instructions. However, the PA system steps up to the mark to fill the conversational void: ‘Welcome to the store.’
‘Thank you,’ says The Toddler.

3. On getting her pyjama fix
The Toddler needs someone to help her put on her pyjamas. Strangely, she seems to want to undertake this activity in the style of a Guy Ritchie film or Irvine Welsh novel: ‘Mummy, are you going to sort me out? Daddy, you not sort me out. Mummy’s going to sort me out. You sort me out now, Mummy?’ Apparently, The Toddler is some kind of pyjama addict. She just needs one more hit. She’s going to quit, but she just needs Silly Mummy to sort her out one last time.

4. On dilemmas
The Toddler is doing forward rolls with Silly Daddy, but she has a problem: ‘I’m too big small.’ Well, that is a dilemma.

5. On Silly Daddy, knowing when to stop
The Toddler is no longer doing forward rolls with Silly Daddy. Silly Daddy does not know when to stop, but The Toddler is in control of the situation: ‘I think it’s enough, Daddy.’

6. On compliments, to others
The Toddler is continuing her campaign of raising Silly Mummy’s self esteem with compliments. This week, she likes to hold Silly Mummy’s face and whisper, ‘You’re very beauty.’ The Baby has also received Toddler-based confirmation that she is ‘very beauty’.

7. On compliments, to herself
The Toddler has not been leaving herself out of her compliments crusade, in case anyone was concerned. Walking around TK Maxx, she spots a mirror. She rushes over, grabs the sides of the mirror with both hands, puts her face millimetres away from the glass, and announces (loudly): ‘I’m so pretty!’

8. On roaring
Silly Mummy and The Baby are talking about tigers: ‘Roar!’ The Toddler is not happy with the situation: ‘Childrens don’t say roar, please.’

9. On evil queens
The Toddler likes to watch Enchanted. She struggles to remember the word ‘evil’. The evil queen appears. The Toddler is quite excited: ‘Look! Look! It’s her – the…awful queen!’

10. On shouting
The Toddler is shouting (repeatedly): ‘Everyone stop shouting!’ All attempts to explain to her that she is the one shouting are proving unsuccessful. Silly Mummy doesn’t think she can hear the explanation. Someone’s shouting.

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 12: Undone, Everyone
Week 17: I’m so busy
Super Busy MumOur Little EscapadesBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
Super Busy MumOur Little EscapadesBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
You Baby Me MummyFriday FrolicsLet's Talk Mommy

34 comments

  1. Love this! It reminds me so much of my little niece. She calls a particular branch of Sainsburys ‘little Sainsburys’. When the tannoy said ‘thank you for shopping at Sainsburys’, she said ‘but it didn’t say little Sainsburys’!

  2. Hilarious as always. The Harry Potter quote was brilliant, I agree JK Rowling missed a trick not contacting the Toddler before publishing 🙂 I love the one about the forward rolls too 🙂 #MMWBH
    Debbie

  3. Kiri says:

    We are big fans of enchanted in this house too.. and both my girls are obsessed with posing in the mirror. If anyone tells Izzy she is beautiful or pretty she just says “Yes. I know, thank you” Modesty is a concept completely lost on children!

  4. Julie says:

    Hilarious! I think being entertaining is a survival mechanism for toddlers, otherwise we’d surely not bother with them. (Or is that just me, today?) #FridayFrolics

  5. Carol Hedges says:

    Almost there…certainly Little G enjoys watching herself in the mirror ..though we are STILL struggling with the separation/dual persona thing: ‘Look, she says, it’s YOU!’ ( h and we have added ”apple” to the Ant thing. Just saying

  6. Every time I read your posts I chuckle, giggle and sometimes I have to wipe a tear. I love…
    You so beauty…
    I am so beautiful…
    That’s enough Daddy…
    Rolling!
    I wish someone would follow that child around with a camera, best comedy, ever!!!

  7. Lady Nym says:

    Ah, yes. We also have the ‘STOP SHOUTING’ routine. It is impossible to convince Tyger *he’s* the one shouting and could easily stop it by…stopping.

    #SundayStars

  8. Jenny says:

    Ahh bless her she really is great entertainment. Enough daddy and your beauty and childrens don’t roar are my faves this week. Too cute. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round. Why not invite your friends to come share too? I would love to get to know more bloggers and widen my blogger share with me circle. All posts, old and new are welcome. #sharewithme

  9. I love the the toddler tells herself, and the store, that she is pretty. I hope that confidence never leaver her. Nice to hear she like to dish out the compliments too. I’m impressed with her film viewing too.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)
    x

  10. Mrs H says:

    Ha ha!!!! As always, this post had me giggling away. Your toddler is so funny and I am sure she and Little Miss H would get on brilliantly. They could both spend an afternoon waving their favourite hoover attachments and shouting “A spinny armpits”. Plus, I think “the lint tool chooses the wizard, Mr Potter” has to be my quotation of the week. Thanks for sharing with #SundaysStars. I am sorry it has taken me so long to comment. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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