A Toddler’s Guide to the Human Rights Act

As Theresa May once again threatens to abolish the Human Rights Act, a toddler could be forgiven for asking ‘What has the Human Rights Act ever done for me?’

So here is the essential guide to what the HRA means for toddlers.

 
 
The right to life

This means you can throw yourself down the stairs/attempt to ride an escalator head first/try to lick the cat, and Mummy must do everything possible to prevent you from dying. Your life is protected – test that theory by risking it as much as possible.

 
The prohibition of torture and inhuman treatment

This means Mummy is not allowed to waterboard you. Even if she’s claiming it’s called a ‘bath’, and is a necessary consequence of muddy puddle jumping. Bedtime, biscuit withholding, and refusal to allow Frozen to be watched more than once in one day, are also torture and inhuman treatment, and you should not stand for them.

 
Protection against slavery and forced labour

Obviously, this means you are not tidying up your toys, putting on your shoes, or helping in any way.

 
The right to liberty and freedom

This particularly applies in the supermarket. Screaming ‘FREEDOM’ and tearing off down a random aisle is not only allowed, it’s your right, dammit.

 
The right to a fair trial and no punishment without law

Despite the clump of sibling hair grasped in your fist, you are innocent until proven guilty. There should be no punishment until you have received a fair trial before a properly instructed jury of your peers, or at least your teddy bears. And, actually, you are below the age of criminal responsibility anyway, so you will just be having that confiscated hobby horse back, and galloping off with your dignity, thank you very much.

 
Respect for privacy and family life, and the right to marry

Actually, you are not required to tell Mummy what you’re up to or why you are so quiet: that’s your private business. However, as Mummy is here now, you require her to tie this blanket around your waist because you will be getting married, as is your right.

 
Freedom of thought, religion and belief

You can believe what you like. Even if it is that there is nothing odd about Peppa Pig’s eyes, and that liking cheese only on Tuesdays is perfectly rational.

 
Free speech and peaceful protest

Exercise your right to free speech as often, and as loudly, as possible. The plank is a valid form of peaceful protest in any situation.

 
Freedom from discrimination

You should not be treated unfairly simply because you are three. So, if Mummy could just hand over the car keys, you’ll be off to your knife throwing practice.

 
Protection of property

Mummy has no right to interfere with your Lego, regardless of whether or not she is able to see any carpet anymore.

 
The right to an eduction

Mummy has to answer your questions. All of your questions. Even ‘Why?’

 
The right to free elections

If you are unhappy with Mummy, you must have the opportunity to participate in free and fair elections to replace Mummy.

 
 
 
 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

20 comments

  1. Oh this is brilliant! To take the politicians down to the toddler level makes so much more sense! They are all children seeking power. Your uncanny ability to reverse this from the toddler perspective is #genius! I LOVE THIS POST! #FridayFrolics

  2. Emma says:

    Haha, this is brilliant. Although, I suspect that toddlers would do a far better job than our politicians at the moment. I despair! #FridayFrolics

  3. Tubbs says:

    Screw that. Chimneys for the lot of them πŸ˜‰ Time they stopped sponging from the state and started contributing … What do you mean they’re only three?! (I am joking btw. This is brilliant!!)

  4. LOVE this. Judging by my toddler’s reaction to bath time, I’m pretty sure she considers it torture. And I’m definitely not allowed to move any of her Lego or other toys off the floor – even if she hasn’t played with them all day. #ablogginggoodtime

  5. Talya says:

    Haha loved this especially the part about going off to knife throwing and the fact that mum has to answer all questions even why….but why??!!! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this lovely! Xoxo

  6. Lucy At Home says:

    This is just SUPER CLEVER! I’ve never read a post like this but it’s genius! Planking is a well-tested form of (not-so-) peaceful protesting in our house too. I also love the idea of a toddler running through a supermarket shouting, “Freedom!”

    Also congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #blogcrush linky! Feel free to grab your “I’ve been featured” badge. #blogcrush

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