As Theresa May once again threatens to abolish the Human Rights Act, a toddler could be forgiven for asking ‘What has the Human Rights Act ever done for me?’
So here is the essential guide to what the HRA means for toddlers.
The right to life
This means you can throw yourself down the stairs/attempt to ride an escalator head first/try to lick the cat, and Mummy must do everything possible to prevent you from dying. Your life is protected – test that theory by risking it as much as possible.
The prohibition of torture and inhuman treatment
This means Mummy is not allowed to waterboard you. Even if she’s claiming it’s called a ‘bath’, and is a necessary consequence of muddy puddle jumping. Bedtime, biscuit withholding, and refusal to allow Frozen to be watched more than once in one day, are also torture and inhuman treatment, and you should not stand for them.
Protection against slavery and forced labour
Obviously, this means you are not tidying up your toys, putting on your shoes, or helping in any way.
The right to liberty and freedom
This particularly applies in the supermarket. Screaming ‘FREEDOM’ and tearing off down a random aisle is not only allowed, it’s your right, dammit.
The right to a fair trial and no punishment without law
Despite the clump of sibling hair grasped in your fist, you are innocent until proven guilty. There should be no punishment until you have received a fair trial before a properly instructed jury of your peers, or at least your teddy bears. And, actually, you are below the age of criminal responsibility anyway, so you will just be having that confiscated hobby horse back, and galloping off with your dignity, thank you very much.
Respect for privacy and family life, and the right to marry
Actually, you are not required to tell Mummy what you’re up to or why you are so quiet: that’s your private business. However, as Mummy is here now, you require her to tie this blanket around your waist because you will be getting married, as is your right.
Freedom of thought, religion and belief
You can believe what you like. Even if it is that there is nothing odd about Peppa Pig’s eyes, and that liking cheese only on Tuesdays is perfectly rational.
Free speech and peaceful protest
Exercise your right to free speech as often, and as loudly, as possible. The plank is a valid form of peaceful protest in any situation.
Freedom from discrimination
You should not be treated unfairly simply because you are three. So, if Mummy could just hand over the car keys, you’ll be off to your knife throwing practice.
Protection of property
Mummy has no right to interfere with your Lego, regardless of whether or not she is able to see any carpet anymore.
The right to an eduction
Mummy has to answer your questions. All of your questions. Even ‘Why?’
The right to free elections
If you are unhappy with Mummy, you must have the opportunity to participate in free and fair elections to replace Mummy.
These kids are just politicians in the making; they have us right under their thumbs. We parents are just so cruel, right?! #FridayFrolics
Very funny, clever post. Love the bit about Peppa Pig’s eyes and only liking cheese on Tuesdays! #FridayFrolics
Haha. I can see all of these being used, they are free spirits and I love it. #FridayFrolics
I love your twists on “political” topics. You are so brilliant!
#fridayfrolics
Watching Frozen once a day. That would be inhumane treatment for me!
Oh this is brilliant! To take the politicians down to the toddler level makes so much more sense! They are all children seeking power. Your uncanny ability to reverse this from the toddler perspective is #genius! I LOVE THIS POST! #FridayFrolics
Haha, this is brilliant. Although, I suspect that toddlers would do a far better job than our politicians at the moment. I despair! #FridayFrolics
Screw that. Chimneys for the lot of them 😉 Time they stopped sponging from the state and started contributing … What do you mean they’re only three?! (I am joking btw. This is brilliant!!)
Fabulous post! You are so funny!
Thanks for making me smile😊
#fridayfrolics
Mine are particularly in favour of the ‘protection from slave labour act’ … ungrateful brats! lol
Great post as always.
#fridayfrolics
Back from #anythinggoes
Popping back in from #anythinggoes
haha awesome idea to write it this way, love it #anythinggoes
Brilliant. Although my toddler has not mastered the art of the ‘peaceful’ protest. Neither has my 7 year old for that matter! #FridayFrolics
Brilliant. Maybe I should do one of these about teenagers. Ours seems to have some ideas about what free speech means
LOVE this. Judging by my toddler’s reaction to bath time, I’m pretty sure she considers it torture. And I’m definitely not allowed to move any of her Lego or other toys off the floor – even if she hasn’t played with them all day. #ablogginggoodtime
You always amaze me with your amazing ability to write with wit and intelligence. Loved this! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉
Haha loved this especially the part about going off to knife throwing and the fact that mum has to answer all questions even why….but why??!!! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this lovely! Xoxo
Haha love this take on it! Probably best not to let the toddlers know they have all of these rights though lol
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
This is just SUPER CLEVER! I’ve never read a post like this but it’s genius! Planking is a well-tested form of (not-so-) peaceful protesting in our house too. I also love the idea of a toddler running through a supermarket shouting, “Freedom!”
Also congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #blogcrush linky! Feel free to grab your “I’ve been featured” badge. #blogcrush
So good. You had me trying to suppress laughter several times. I have to laugh silently. Peachy is sleeping. #KCACOLS
Brilliant! I think toddlers would do a much better job in parliament. Can’t get much worse right. #KCACOLS
hehe my boy always goes quiet and thinks it’s ok not to tell me what he is up to! #KCACOLS
This is hilarious—I can’t wait to read what you have to say when the kids are teenagers!!
🙂
Oh yes …. Lego! My boys share that rule that mummy shall not touch/hoover up/attempt to tidy …. but I have managed to remove said Lego from the lounge and Lego lives in their bedrooms! 😊
I’m bnot sure about licking the cat….
I never tire of reading this one! So true!