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Friday Frolics – 27th January 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last week.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Daily Dump Show – Ridiculous Lies I Have Told My Kids. I MAY have told just a few of these myself. Made me laugh, and also reminded me that I really must stop the empty threats I”m not remotely going through with. I have no idea what happens when I get to 3 either!

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Our Rach Blogs -10 Unlucky Moments. There is something about other people’s misfortune! This really made me giggle. Sorry Rach.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Mummy Muckups – Tears and Hot Chips. As a fellow Mummy of children who will only eat beige food, this made me howl with laughter. Eating out is never relaxing!’

 
Most Read Post

Our Rach Blogs -10 Unlucky Moments

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Lullaby for Toddlers

the-pleiades-star-cluster-11637_1920Twinkle, Twinkle Go to Bed

 
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I (Put down that toy car!)
Up above the world so high,
(We’re trying to sing this lullaby.)

When the blazing sun is gone,
(Into bed now, please come on!)
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle (Bed! That’s right.)

Then the traveller in the dark
(No, we can’t go to the park!)
He could not see where to go,
If (Yes, I see it’s your shadow.)

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And (INTO BED! It’s time to sleep!)
For you never shut your eye
Till (I’m not playing I spy.)

As your bright and tiny spark
Lights the (I said no to the park!)
Though I know (You can’t have bread!)
Twinkle, twinkle (GO TO BED!)

Friday Frolics – 20th January 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last week. Let’s make this week a good one – we’re all going to need the laughs following the inauguration of the Mean Porcine Tangerine Drama-Queen. Sorry, President Mean Porcine Tangerine Drama-Queen.

This week I am linking up with a ressurected old post – Toddler Interior Design Tips.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Muma on the Edge – #MumaWins. I like the idea of celebrating the wins. I completely get the excitement at having clean and tidy cupboards. I would feel it too, if I cleaned and tidied my cupboards. I may have some rusty baking trays lurking in mine too, though I hope I don’t have any sweet potatoes quietly turning to hummus!

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Unremarkable Files – Things Every Mom Has Done at Least a Million Times. And does most of them every single day. Sometimes twice!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘WebMDiva – Women Are Bitchy Because We Were Overcharged for the Fruit. As someone who has also been accused of sometimes suffering from “emotional twirls” I really laughed at this post! Now we know why Eve really ate that apple. Eve was too busy making a point, and Adam was too busy admiring his penis. Sounds familiar 😉 ‘

 
Most Read Post

Our Rach Blogs – 10 Things I Should Remember When Consuming Alcohol

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 13th January 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Hope you’re all getting into the swing of 2017, and having some funny experiences to share with us for Friday Frolics.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last week.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Mama Zen Blog – Christmas. I’m SO on it! Are you on top of the Christmas madness, or do you end up with green hair?? I think I am the latter, and don’t even have school events to contend with yet!

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Daily Dump – Dear Kids… Meet Dad. This post is my life. Every single day! Why ask Daddy when you can ask Mummy!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Tales from Mamaville – Resolutions of a 2017 Parody. Brilliantly clever post that had me nodding along in agreement and chuckling away. I can only hope that I will be “as cool as those Paw Patrol pups” this year! However, I fear it will be more like chasing my tail.’

 
Most Read Post

Squirmy Popple – Why My Daughter Watches Paul Simon Instead of Peppa Pig

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Songs That Should Come With a Parental Advisory

child-1884904_1920Now, I know everyone tends to think they should probably avoid playing Eminem around their toddlers, maybe give the uncensored version of Lloyd’s Dedication to My Ex a miss. Well, I’m here to tell you that there are a whole host of seemingly innocuous songs out there with completely inappropriate lyrics for children. These songs are a terrible influence on any impressionable toddler, yet the censors do nothing.

Here is my list of 15 songs that should come with a parental advisory, but do not. Consider yourself warned.

 
 
1. Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

No. Don’t go your own way. COME BACK HERE.

 
2. Don’t Fear the Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult

Please do. Please fear the reaper. And stop climbing that.

 
3. Set Fire to the Rain – Adele

No, you can’t set fire to the rain. Do not try to set fire to the rain.

 
4. Don’t Stop Moving – S Club 7

Please, stop moving. I’m trying to put your shoes on.

 
5. Defying Gravity – Wicked soundtrack

You cannot defy gravity. DO NOT JUMP FROM THERE.

 
6. Everybody Hurts – REM

This does not mean that when you bang your head on the table you should whack your sister so her head hurts too.

 
7. Here I Go Again (on My Own) – Whitesnake

The supermarket is not the appropriate place for going it alone if you are two.

 
8. Don’t Let Go – En Vogue

Except for hair. Do let go of my hair.

 
9. Hungry Like the Wolf – Duran Duran

Even if you are hungry like the wolf, it is not okay to stick your head in the bowl and lick it.

 
10. I Want it All – Queen

No.

 
11. Jump/Jump for my Love/Jump Around – Van Halen/The Pointer Sisters/House of Pain

Stop **#?!@* jumping!

 
12. Paint it Black – The Rolling Stones

Don’t you dare.

 
13. Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas

I don’t care if everybody was doing it.

 
14. Hot n Cold – Katy Perry

Yes, I know: ‘you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in then you’re out, you’re up then you’re down, you’re wrong when it’s right, it’s black and it’s white…’ But, for the love of god, DO YOU LIKE CHEESE OR NOT?!

 
15. (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party) – The Beastie Boys

No, you do not ‘gotta’. Especially when you are fighting with your sister for the right to hold an imaginary tea party on the cat.

The Three Wise Women

imageAs you probably know, it is Epiphany, and I am sure you probably also know the story of the Three Wise Men. But do you know the story of the Three Wise Women? No? I thought not. Read on for a tale of wonder, travel, and sensible bloody baby gifts.

 
 
The Three Wise Women

The Three Wise Women saw a new star appear in the night sky and, because they were very wise, knew that this heralded the birth of a new king.

However, the Wise Women decided they would wait until they were invited to see the baby: ‘If you have to follow a bloody star to find the baby, you’re probably not welcome.’ They were very wise indeed. No one wants uninvited visitors when they’ve just had a baby. Especially not ones with camels. Besides, following a star would mean walking only at night. Who’s doing that?

Having waited for an invitation, the Wise Women set out on their journey bearing gifts.

Wise Woman Number One – we’ll call her Beryl – came bearing a gift of clothing for the baby. (Old bed sheets, ties and tea towels. What do you mean, that’s not what people actually wore despite the depiction found in primary school productions of the Nativity?) But not all in newborn size, of course (they grow out of newborn tea towels so quickly).

Wise Woman Number Two – we’ll call her Cheryl – came bearing a gift of a moses basket for the baby. A manger didn’t sound very suitable or hygienic, and it almost certainly wouldn’t comply with European safety standards.

Wise Woman Number Three – we’ll call her Meryl – came bearing a gift of chocolates for Mary. Well, the baby hadn’t done any of the work here, had he?

Passing through Judea, the Wise Women were asked by King Herod for the exact time and location of the baby’s birth. The Wise Women refused to provide this information: it’s really not acceptable to make people’s birth announcements for them. Herod would have to wait until Mary announced it on facebook, like everybody else.

Finally, Beryl, Cheryl and Meryl arrived in Bethlehem to worship at the feet of…Mary. ‘Oh my god, you look amazing! Did it hurt?’

They made offerings of small talk. Beryl asked, ‘Does he sleep well?…Ever so quiet? Well, that’s good!’
Cheryl asked, ‘What are you calling him?…Jesus? That’s unusual, isn’t it? Don’t often see a Jesus. Is it a family name?…Told to you by an angel? Really? Wow.’
Meryl asked, ‘Who do you think he looks like, then? You or Joseph?’ Beryl stamped on her foot. ‘Ow! What?? Oh…right. Oops – sorry, Joseph!’
Cheryl muttered, ‘Awkward!’

Gifts delivered, the Three Wise Women prepared to depart, but not before politely asking Mary and Joseph if there was anything they needed. An offer they immediately regretted: ‘Safe passage to Egypt? Can we get that in Mothercare? We were thinking more along the lines of a lasagne to put in the freezer.’

There you have it: the lesser known story of the Three Wise Women. They came, they saw, they didn’t give a newborn baby myrrh.

Friday Frolics – 6th January 2017

Welcome back and Happy New Year, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed Christmas, and have some funny tales to tell!

Starting the new year hopefully not as I mean to go on, my computer is broken. Again. Exactly the same issue as before. So, as I am experiencing technical difficulties/Groundhog Day, I am not going to attempt to get the full post and linky up on my site this week.

Please head over to Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, or Emma at Island Living 365 to join in with all the Friday Frolics fun this week.

Hopefully, normal service will return shortly.

Friday Frolics – 9th December 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you so much to everyone who linked up their funny posts last week. We had a fantastic selection of giggle-worthy posts.

This will be the last Friday Frolics this year! Therefore it will be a bumper edition – link up as many posts as you like!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thanks for all the hilarity this year and hope to see you in 2017!

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: …And Other Idiots – Some Appalling Christmas Problems You’ll Almost Definitely Recognise. Well, it wouldn’t be Christmas without Crazy Stu, would it? The joys of Christmas tree shopping, forgetting the presents, and being Christmas drunk hilariously outlined.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘4 Princesses and The Cheese – The Mantrum. In my house the husband throws a mantrum about lights being left on. I live Kristen’s zero tolerance policy!

I would also like to give a shout out to Lucy this week, because her alternative guide for those scared of elf on the shelf had me howling this week.’

 
Most Read Post

Seven posts were equal in the most read stakes this week, so no most read post!

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 2nd December 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you so much to everyone who linked up their funny posts last week. We had a fantastic selection of giggle-worthy posts. It’s December and that can mean only one thing – all my posts from here on out will be Christmas themed. Yes, they already have been for the last two weeks. Sorry, not sorry.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Fizzyjazzle – Help Me! He’s Learnt to Shun Responsibility! This post summarises that awful moment when your toddler realises that the naughty spot is not that bad, and goes there voluntarily rather than do what you want them to do/not do.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Mumatron – Embrace the Baby Brain. This post really made me giggle. Having had my own howlers when it comes to baby brain it was nice to read that I am not alone.’

Emma’s favourite post: Maflingo – “I’ve Got a New Vag” and Other Hilarious Autocorrect Fails. Autocorrect fails are always some of the funniest things around, and are the true achievement and wonder of the autocorrect function. Not being able to text more quickly, not spelling assistance, no: the joy of autocorrect is people inadvertently sending inappropriate messages to their mums.

 
Most Read Post

Popular this week, again it’s: Fizzyjazzle – Help Me! He’s Learnt to Shun Responsibility!

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Malevolent Goblin on the Shelf: An Alternative Guide for Those Scared of the Elf

23-elf-shelf-w1200-h630December is here again. The count down to Christmas. The magic, the wonder, the anticipation, the cold sweats, the paranoia, the mind-numbing terror… Yes, IT’S BACK. The sweet Christmas tradition/horror story apparition that is the Elf on the Shelf.

Whilst the brave out there happily place the nefarious imp in cute toilet fishing poses, and share ever more ambitious fun activities for the malevolent goblin to engage in, I am presenting an alternative list of Elf on the Shelf suggestions. So, here it is: my line up of daily Elf on the Shelf activities for those among us who are outright terrified of the evil, creepy little critter.

*Keep this list well hidden. We meet in secret, under cover of darkness. Do not use real names. HE’S WATCHING US. And I think he possesses powers of mind control: keep your mind blank. DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT HIM.*

 
 
Day 1

Position Elf in a cute pose with Elsa. Tell Elsa if Elf makes any sudden moves, freeze him.

 
Day 2

Put Elf in a drawer. If the drawer starts calling your name in the night, do not open it.

 
Day 3

Hide knives.

 
Day 4

Put Elf and Barbie in a toy car at the ‘drive in’ (i.e. in front of the TV). Give Barbie some mace.

 
Day 5

Send Elf to see a forensic psychiatrist (Donald Pleasence from Halloween, preferably) – he may be redeemable.

 
Day 6

Put Elf in a strait jacket after forensic psychiatrist says he’s dead behind the eyes.

 
Day 7

Position Elf anywhere in the house. Move house.

 
Day 8

Pose Elf as though he is having a bath. Fill bath with holy water.

 
Day 9

Find a corner to sit in. Rock backwards and forwards, muttering, ‘Please don’t hurt me. Oh god, please don’t hurt me!’

 
Day 10

Put Elf outside. Change locks.

 
Day 11

Set up CCTV, just in case.

 
Day 12

Obtain a sample of DNA from Elf. Familial testing might prove a link to Chucky.

 
Day 13

Serve Elf with a restraining order.

 
Day 14

Write to Father Christmas about Elf. Threaten a diplomatic incident with the North Pole if he doesn’t stop sending spies.

 
Day 15

Take up witchcraft. Position Elf in chalk circle on the floor to bind the evil spirit.

 
Day 16

Call the Ghostbusters. Worth a try.

 
Day 17

Find Elf grinning maniacally with his head stuck through an axe hole in a door. Call an exorcist when you realise that you did not put him there.

 
Day 18

Sleep with the light on. Do this every night, in fact.

 
Day 19

Give Elf a haircut. So that you can look for the Mark of the Beast on his scalp.

 
Day 20

Obtain a Batman on the Shelf to watch the Elf on the Shelf.

 
Day 21

Ask Father Christmas for a panic room.

 
Day 22

Put a stake through Elf’s heart.

 
Day 23

Decapitate Elf.

 
Day 24

Burn Elf and bury ashes in multiple different locations.

 
 
Finally, delete all social media accounts before Girl from the Ring on the Shelf becomes a Christmas trend.

The Nativity for Toddlers

christmas-1010749_1280As Christmas is approaching, and it is not the easiest of stories to explain to toddlers, I hereby present my specially adapted Nativity Story for Toddlers.

 
 
The Nativity Story, Adapted for Toddlers

 
A long, long time ago…
(No, not last week. Longer ago than last week. A very, very long time ago. How long? 2000 years. No, that’s quite a lot earlier than yesterday. Yes, earlier than last Tuesday. Earlier than last Monday, too. Never mind.)

A long, long time ago – around last Monday – there was a woman called Mary. Mary was engaged to a man called Joseph…
(It means she was going to marry Joseph. Yes, that is nice. She was probably going to wear a pretty dress, yes.)

Mary and Joseph lived in a town called Nazareth…
(No, that isn’t where Grandma lives. It’s a long way from here. No, further away than Tesco.)

Anyway, they lived in Nazareth – down the road from Grandma – and one day Mary was visited by an angel called Gabriel. The angel Gabriel told Mary not to be afraid, she had been chosen by God, and would become pregnant…
(It means she was going to have a baby. How would she get the baby? Well, that is an excellent question. The Holy Spirit was going to put the baby inside her tummy. Who is the Holy Spirit? Next question! The Holy Spirit is kind of a part of God. It was God’s baby.)

The angel Gabriel told Mary she would become pregnant – AND NOT TO ASK ANY MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN – and have a baby boy, who she should call Jesus…
(Why was he called Jesus? Because God said so. No, you can’t argue with God.)

The baby Jesus would be God’s son.

Mary told Joseph about the baby. Joseph was worried and wondered if he should still marry Mary… (Why? Well, that’s grown up stuff, really. Let’s not worry about it.)

An angel visited Joseph too, and told him not be worried about marrying Mary. The angel told Joseph that Mary’s baby would be the son of God and would be the Saviour of mankind…
(It means Jesus would save people. No, not from a dragon. What from? Well, that’s a bit complicated. From themselves, really. Well, that means…never mind.)

The Baby Jesus would save mankind – possibly from dragons. Joseph listened to the angel, and married Mary…
(Yes, I’m sure she did wear a pretty dress. No, I don’t have a picture. It’s not really the main point of the story.)

The Roman Emperor Augustus…
(The Romans were in charge of a lot of the world last Monday when this happened, and Augustus was their king.)

The Roman Emperor Augustus ordered everyone to travel to the place where they were born for the census…
(The census was a list of all the people. Augustus wanted a list of all the people so he could make sure that they all paid him money. Yes, it does sound like a good idea. No, you can’t conduct a census. No, I’m not giving you money.)

Mary and Joseph had to travel a long way from Nazareth to Bethlehem for the census, because Joseph was born in Bethlehem…
(Yes, Bethlehem is a long way from Grandma’s house, that’s right.)

Mary and Joseph had to travel very slowly because Mary was going to have her baby very soon, and she had a big tummy. When they arrived in Bethlehem, they could not find anywhere to stay. Everywhere was very busy because of all the people returning for the census…
(No, they couldn’t stay with Grandma. Grandma lives in Nazareth. No, Grandma doesn’t live in Nazareth, what am I talking about? Grandma lives in the Home Counties, nowhere near Nazareth or Bethlehem. She’s also not THAT old.)

The only place Mary and Joseph could find to stay was in the stable of one of the inns, so they made beds for themselves in the straw with all the animals…
(Yes, there was probably a cow. And a pig, yes. And sheep. There might have been a dog. Probably not any penguins, no. Well, penguins don’t live near Bethlehem. No reindeer, either. Yes, this is a Christmas story, but it’s not about Father Christmas. There are no reindeer. No, Father Christmas isn’t going to be in the story. Shall we finish it anyway, as we’ve got this far? I have no idea what the pig was called. It isn’t part of the story. Stanley. The pig was called Stanley. Can we carry on?)

So Mary and Joseph stayed with the animals, and the baby Jesus was born in the stable. The baby Jesus slept in the manger, where the animals ate their hay, because there was no crib…
(No, the animals didn’t eat the baby. I expect they ate their hay somewhere else while the baby Jesus was asleep.)

The Angels visited some shepherds, who were looking after their sheep near Bethlehem, and told them that God’s son had been born and could be found in a manger in the town. So the shepherds went to visit the Baby Jesus…
(Yes, a bit like when you went to visit your baby cousin. No, the shepherds didn’t take the baby Jesus a Sophie giraffe. Yes, you did take Sophie giraffe to your baby cousin. Well, the shepherds didn’t know they were going to be visiting a baby. And there was no Mothercare in Bethlehem.)

The shepherds were very pleased that the baby Jesus had come to save them – possibly from the dragons. They went back to their sheep…
(No, I don’t know the names of the sheep. No, there were too many to name. Fine. Gertrude, Bert, Phyllis, Frank, Cuthbert and Ethel.)

A new star appeared in the sky when Jesus was born. Some wise men saw the star and guessed what it meant…
(How? Because they were wise.)

Anyway, the Wise Men guessed that the star meant a new king had been born, and they began to follow the star to where the baby Jesus lay in his manger. The Wise Men traveled a long way and, on their journey, they stopped in Judea in a city called Jerusalem…
(No, you didn’t go to Jerusalem on Saturday. Yes, I’m sure. That was the soft play. No, it wasn’t the soft play in Jerusalem.)

In Jerusalem, people asked the Wise Men about the baby who would be the saviour and king of mankind. King Herod, who was the king of Judea (and a naughty man), overheard. He was angry because he believed the baby would take his place as king…
(Yes, exactly like when you are angry because your sister wants to be the doctor and you were the doctor.)

Herod called the Wise Men to visit him, and he told them that, when they found the baby Jesus, they should tell him where the baby was so that he could also visit the baby and take him gifts. But this was not really Herod’s plan. Really, Herod planned to kill the baby…
(No, that isn’t very nice, is it?)

The Wise Men followed the star to Bethlehem, and they gave gifts to the Baby Jesus…
(No, not a Sophie giraffe.)

The Wise Men gave the baby Jesus gold, frankincense and myrrh…
(No one knows what myrrh is. No, Frank isn’t Sophie giraffe’s brother. And it’s frankincense.)

The Wise Men were warned by Angels in a dream of Herod’s plan, so they did not return to Jerusalem to tell him where Jesus was. They traveled home a different way so that they would not see Herod… (They went the back way, past Asda, that’s right.)

Joseph was also warned by angels in a dream: he was told that Herod wanted to kill Jesus, and he should escape with Mary and the baby to Egypt…
(It doesn’t matter where Egypt is. Egypt is a different place, not near Nazareth, Bethlehem, Jerusalem or Grandma’s house. )

Mary, Joseph and Jesus fled to Egypt, and stayed until Herod died. King Herod was very angry when he realised that the Wise Men had tricked him. He ordered all baby boys under the age of two in Bethlehem to be killed, in the hope that one of them would be the baby Jesus…
(Yes, a very mean man. No, I don’t think he used poison apples. Yes, he is a bit like the evil queen in Snow White, though. No, I’m sure he didn’t actually manage to kill any babies, don’t worry. Yes, the huntsmen probably let them go…no, that’s Snow White again.)

After Herod died, an angel came to Joseph in a dream once more, and told him that it was safe to return home. Mary, Joseph and Jesus returned to their old town of Nazareth…
(Yes, near Grandma.)

Friday Frolics – 25th November 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you so much to everyone who linked up their funny posts last week. We had a fantastic selection of giggle-worthy posts.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Twin Pickle – Diagnosis Mom Flu. All mums will relate to this spot on description of the horrors of the terrible illness that is Mum Flu.

Emma’s favourite post: ‘And Another Ten Things – A Christmas Rant. This post made me laugh and shout YES all the way through it! M&S still has some way to go when it comes to understanding the role of women at Christmas. This post captures it brilliantly – “Bullshit on this idea that we make Christmas magical and sparkly and we’re quite happy not getting any credit. A half little smile to ourselves and maybe a cheeky mince pie is all the thanks we need. Bull.Shit.” Yep, I am calling bullshit too! I want some credit for entertaining the in-laws and cooking a mountain of food!’

 
Most Read Post

Popular this week, again it’s: ‘And Another Ten Things – A Christmas Rant

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Twelve Days of Brexit

image_update_imgLast year, I did the Twelve Days of Toddler. For this year’s Twelve Days of Christmas parody, I have decided to go political with Brexit.

(Please note that many of these actual numbers are made up to fit the song, but the points behind them are genuine!)

 
 
Twelve Days of Brexit

 
On the first day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the second day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the third day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Three ‘enemies of the state’*,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Four calls from Trump**,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Seven clueless Ministers*,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Eight embassies reporting hate crimes,
Seven clueless Ministers,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Nine million people considering emigrating to Canada,
Eight embassies reporting hate crimes,
Seven clueless Ministers,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Ten reinstatements of the same UKIP leader****,
Nine million people considering emigrating to Canada,
Eight embassies reporting hate crimes,
Seven clueless Ministers,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Eleven far right organisations celebrating,
Ten reinstatements of the same UKIP leader,
Nine million people considering emigrating to Canada,
Eight embassies reporting hate crimes,
Seven clueless Ministers,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.

On the twelveth day of Christmas, Brexit sent to me:
Twelve EU leaders insulted*****,
Eleven far right organisations celebrating,
Ten reinstatements of the same UKIP leader,
Nine million people considering emigrating to Canada,
Eight embassies reporting hate crimes,
Seven clueless Ministers,
Six banks a leaving,
Five million angry Scots,
Four calls from Trump,
Three ‘enemies of the state’,
Two racist newspapers,
And NO RETURN OF SOVEREIGNTY!

 
 


*Otherwise known to sane people as ‘High Court Judges’
**To Nigel Farage, who Donald Trump may or may not believe runs our country
***This is a very generous estimate of the number of clueless members of the current government
****At least this is what it has felt like, it may have only happened twice in reality, but that is still ridiculous
*****By Boris thus far (probably!)

Friday Frolics – 18th November 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you so much to everyone who linked up their funny posts last week. We had a fantastic selection of giggle-worthy posts.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: …And Other Idiots – Husbands: And Other Idiots… Lindsay says life round hers is ‘never dull’. This seems like an understatement if this hilarious post is anything to go by. The mouldy corsa parked nearby for the past few months has just turned out to belong to her husband, and it appears banks tend to lack a sense of humour about money laundering. Who knew??

Claire’s favourite post: ‘The Parenting Jungle – 13 Reasons I’m a Crap Blogger. Jade’s post made me laugh because she could have been writing about me. Most of the time I forget to take photos, and when I do the big one had a weird fake smile and the little one sticks out his tongue or shoves his finger up his nose.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Dad Without a Map – A Toddler in the White House? I loved that this post because it takes what was an utterly depressing event and made it funny. We have to laugh because the alternative is to just start crying, and this made me laugh a lot. A clever play on words in this funny post. Let’s hope President Pump isn’t like a toddler.’

 
Most Read Post

Popular this week, again it’s: The Parenting Jungle – 13 Reasons I’m a Crap Blogger

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 11th November 2016

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you so much to everyone who linked up their funny posts last week. We had a fantastic selection of giggle-worthy posts.

Well, I’ve got to say that this week has not been particularly funny. In world events, that is, not your posts! Nonetheless, never has there been more need of some humour and some light relief, so let’s embrace the fun and the frolics through the tears, shall we?

Once again, I have been too caught up in the chaos of the (temporary) moving disaster, and am linking up an old post. I am going to try to have a new post for next week. It’s good to have ambitions!

 
*Just a little reminder from us this week:
Unfortunately we did have quite a few posts linked up without the badge. We love running this linky but it is a lot of work, and in future if there is no badge we will not be able to comment on the post. Also a polite reminder to only link up humorous posts.*

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Turning Up in Devon – Village Survival: Slightly Offensive Fencing. Thanks to the buffoonery of Hugo and Crispin, Hillie has hilariously been able to confirm every stereotype I have ever held about what could be expected from fencing.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘And Other Idiots – Going on Holiday. By Mistake. This post had me in stitches. Brilliantly portraying how a holiday with kids is the same shit in a different place. I spat my tea when at the description of the kids on holiday. Hilarious.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘A Life Just Ordinary – Internet Trolls Not That Bright Claims Report. I have had my fair share of trolls and, therefore, I loved this brilliant and very clever post from James. I now feel quite sorry for those little trolls. Almost.’

 
Most Read Post

Popular this week, again it’s: A Life Just Ordinary – Internet Trolls Not That Bright Claims Report

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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