From The Randoms: Funny

Friday Frolics – 22nd September 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. Next week there won’t be a Friday Frolics – we’re taking a break while everyone goes to Britmums! We’ll be back on October 6th – hope to see you then.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Apply to Face Blog – Deep Fried Apple Pies. More hilarious and delicious recipes ,this time pie for those days where you’ve reversed into a parked car, forgotten the shopping, put bleach in the washing machine by accident, and nearly had a collision, all of which could of course happen to anyone!

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Daddy Poppins – Settling in at Creche. I particularly liked the code words in this post. My eldest son is often described as ‘vocal’ aka chatterbox / he never stops talking. They say this like it is news to me!!!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Four Princesses and the Cheese – Today Feels Like a Good Day to Start a Juice Cleanse. There is NEVER a good day to start juice cleanse. As someone who once did a juice cleanse for 7 whole miserable days, I feel Kirstin’s pain. She even went spinning, as if the juice wasn’t torture enough! This post will make you never want to touch a juice, ever!’

 
Most Read Post

Daddy Poppins – The Truth About Flying With Kids

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Amelia Has Fallen

Well, the list of the most popular baby names of last year has been released by the Office for National Statistics, and there has been something of a shock result at number one.

Not in the boys’ names. That’s still Oliver. All of the boys are still called Oliver. Urban legend suggests that some boys are actually not called Oliver, but they succumb to societal pressure to conform when they start nursery and school. They just resign themselves to the fact that no one is going to remember that they aren’t called Oliver, and everyone is going to call them Oliver. After about a week, they come to believe that they probably always were called Oliver anyway. Plus, they didn’t like feeling left out of the stampede that happens when the teacher says ‘Oliver, come and get your book/milk/bag/coat.’

So, no surprises with the boys. But the girls? Oh the girls. There has been a shake-up at the top. Amelia has fallen. This is not a drill. Amelia has fallen. Amelia, which has been the top name for so long we’ve actually all had time to get over the loss of Amelia Pond from Doctor Who during its reign, is no more. That’s a bit of an exaggeration: Amelia is number two. Didn’t fall very far, to be fair.

Oh yes, last year people giving birth to little girls went rogue, they thought outside of the box, they…well, they called the little girls Oliver too, basically. Yes, Amelia was finally toppled from the top by the feminine version of the reigning boys’ name. I imagine the thinking was: ‘This is all well and good – all the boys are called Oliver. It’s easy to remember. But this whole girls’ name thing is a problem. That name we’re using is like a whole separate name. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit. Surely there is something a bit more similar to Oliver we could be calling these girls?’ Then somebody had a brainwave. From way out of left field they came up with…well, the name that all the girls were called before they were all called Amelia, actually. (We’ve travelled back in time to 2010. I think Amelia Pond would like that.) The queen is dead, long live the queen.

Apparently, there was a period of about 200 years when all girls were called Mary once upon a time. And, of course, 9 out of 10 girls born in the 1970s and 1980s were called Jennifer. People like to be consistent. Or maybe everyone just gets these names stuck in their head and isn’t quite sure why: ‘Well, there was this one name I heard somewhere – I’m not sure where – that was quite nice…’ Thus the cycle continues. The self-perpetuating cycle of Oliver.

Of course, the main thing to note here – the really important thing – is that, no matter how many Olivers and Olivias there may be, only one couple were daft enough to call their baby Sir…

 
 
(*Disclaimer: This is just a bit of fun. I think Oliver, Amelia and Olivia are all lovely names. I do not think Sir is a lovely name. I think it’s effing stupid. That is all.*)

Friday Frolics – 15th September 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. I’m linking up an old post this week because, well, I haven’t written a new one!

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Tales From Mamaville – 10 Things I Learnt While Moving House. Ah the joys of moving. Bubble wrap is distracting. Toddlers are distracting. No matter how much you seem to throw away, you will move stored clutter from one house to the next and still never use it.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘So Happy In Town – My First Day at Big School. I loved this view point. Made me laugh and brought a lump to my throat.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Five Little Doves – Lessons I Learned From Our First Camping Trip With The Children. Oh this was a post I could relate to. Did I ever tell you about the time Mr C and I went camping? Torrential rain, trench foot, mould and a body bag. I kid you not. Laura’s post made me really laugh but I also found it reassuring too. Perhaps we are ready to camp again…..’

 
Most Read Post

Mom of Two Little Girls – Reasons I Hate Being a Housewife

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Somethin’ Stupid (or Ballad of the Tinder Girl)

Today, I have written a parody to honour the undisputed person of the week: the woman who managed to go on a tinder date, throw her poo into the abyss between an internal window and the wall at her date’s house, get wedged upside down in the gap trying to retrieve the poo, and have to be rescued by the fire-brigade, wrecking the poor date’s house in the process. If you have managed to miss this epic tale of romance and poo, I suggest you read it. Because, well, she got stuck in a window trying to retrieve her own poo. In every sense, you cannot make this shit up.

So here is my parody of Somethin’ Stupid for Liam’s unfortunate date.

 
 
Somethin’ Stupid

 
I know I’m swiping left until you think you have the time
To go to Nandos with me
And if we go to yours for wine, I know that there’s a chance
I’ll need the lavatory
And afterwards you’re watching a Scientology documentary by Louis Theroux
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I can see it in your eyes
That you have never had a date who threw her poo before
And though there was a window there, that much is true
It didn’t actually lead outside at all

 
I practice gymnastics, I can fit into that gap and find some way
To retrieve the poo that I threw
But then I think I’m stuck in here head first still just trying to reach my poo
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I threw my poo
I threw my poo
I threw my poo

 
I threw my poo

Friday Frolics – 25th August 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. As it’s the summer holidays, Claire, Emma and I will be taking turns to host alone for the next six weeks, and therefore comments will only be received from whoever is hosting. There will also only be one host post to comment on. Emma is hosting this week.

 
Friday Favourites

Pop over to Emma’s blog to see her Friday Favourite for the week.

 

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 18th August 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. As it’s the summer holidays, Claire, Emma and I will be taking turns to host alone for the next six weeks, and therefore comments will only be received from whoever is hosting. There will also only be one host post to comment on. Claire is hosting again this week.

 
Friday Favourites

Pop over to Claire’s blog to see her Friday Favourite for the week.

 

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 11th August 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. As it’s the summer holidays, Claire, Emma and I will be taking turns to host alone for the next six weeks, and therefore comments will only be received from whoever is hosting. There will also only be one host post to comment on. For the next two weeks, Claire is hosting.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Four Princesses and the Cheese – How to Revamp Your Child’s Playhouse (and Totally Lose Your Shit) in Ten Easy Steps. Hilarious guidance on renovating a playhouse. Never, ever tell the children your stupid ass idea. It applies to all areas of parenting. Once you tell them, you are committed. Never tell them. NEVER COMMIT TO ANYTHING!

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 4th August 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. As it’s the summer holidays, Claire, Emma and I will be taking turns to host alone for the next six weeks, and therefore comments will only be received from whoever is hosting. There will also only be one host post to comment on. This week it is me again. Next week will be Claire.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Mummy Muckups – The Truth About Blogger Reviews. The hilarious truth of reviewing outings with the kids, told in pictures. My favourite bit is the calm resignation with which Anna’s son has accepted that he will be wearing a Marilyn Monroe wig and striking a pose.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Humpty Dumpty Is Dead. Everybody’s Dead

It has come to my attention that many nursery rhymes seem to have a common – somewhat disturbing – theme, but they’re trying to be subtle about it. So I’ve fixed that for them.

 
 
 
Rock-a-bye Baby

Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, dead and all

 
Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and died
And Jill came tumbling after…and also died

 
Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again
Humpty was dead

 
It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

It’s raining, it’s pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed and bumped his head
And couldn’t get up in the morning
Because he was dead…like Humpty

 
Old Mother Hubbard

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
And so the poor doggie had none
And died

 
Ring-a-ring O’ Roses

Ring-a-ring o’ roses
A pocket full of posies
A-tishoo! A-tishoo!
We all fall down dead

 
Peter Peter Pumpkin-eater

Peter Peter pumpkin-eater
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her
He murderered her and put her body in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well…until his arrest

 
 
Thank god for The Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly and Oranges and Lemons, which are at least blatant about the dead, they’re all dead aspect.

Beauty and the What Kind of Moral Is THAT?!

Today on the blog, I am venturing into new territory with a study of morality. I will be using as my case study the story of Beauty and the Beast. A tale whose moral is, of course, that beauty is more than skin deep.

I’m sure we are all familiar with the story, but I will summarise. A vain and narcissistic Prince lives a cruel and shallow existence, caring for nothing but outward beauty and hedonistic pleasures. (That last bit might only be in the most recent film, actually. I’m not sure the Prince was holding Freddie Mercury-esque parties in any of the earlier tellings of the story, but I digress.)

An Enchantress, disguised as an old hag, asks the Prince for shelter from the rain/to accept a rose from her at one of his wild orgies. (Again, this very much depends on the version of the story. We’re not even going to consider the version where everyone is secretly the child of some kind of fairy, and being raised in a variety of unlikely fake families to hide their true identity. Ain’t no one got time to be figuring out what the hell is going on in that version.) The Prince, repulsed by the Enchantress’ ugly appearance, rejects her. (Or, in the mad version, he rejects her because she’s his evil adoptive mother and is trying to seduce him, and he felt it was all a bit weird. But that version kind of removes the moral judgment on the Prince, so no one really knows what point was being made. Like I said, ain’t no one got time.) The Enchantress curses the Prince for his cruel and callous attitudes, giving him the monstrous appearance of a beast to reflect his inner ugliness. The curse can only be broken if the Beast is able to find real love in his heart, and receive real love in return, despite his appearance. He must do this before the final petal on the enchanted red rose the witch gives him falls, or he will remain a beast forever.

Inexplicably, the Beast, despite being deeply concerned about the status of the dying rose, chooses to live as a complete hermit, holed up in his castle, meeting no one. I’m not sure he fully understood his task. Even more inexplicably, in the films, the curse requires the staff of the castle to be turned into – I would say inanimate objects, but that would be wholly inaccurate, given that they perform several very animated song and dance routines – household objects. It is not very clear what connection this has to the Beast learning that beauty is more than skin deep and how to love. Was it to stop him from taking the easy route out and falling in love with one of his servants? Far be it from me to criticise, but I think falling in love with someone despite the fact that they are a teapot would have been a much better illustration of the principle of loving someone for who they are inside, and not their outer spout, but hey ho!

Anyway, while the Beast is busy doing very little to break his curse, a merchant returning home gets lost in a storm and finds the Beast’s castle. He seeks shelter inside, and is well looked after, despite the castle appearing to be deserted. As he goes on his way the next morning, he sees the Beast’s rose bushes and, remembering that his daughter had asked for a rose as a gift, picks one. (Now, in the films, the merchant has just one daughter. In the original tellings, he had several, all greedy and selfish apart from the youngest daughter who asked for the rose.) The Beast appears and is very angry that the merchant has stolen from him after having received shelter and hospitality. He plans to kill the merchant, but the merchant pleads with the Beast, explaining that he just wanted the rose for his daughter. The Beast agrees to allow the merchant to go free, on condition that his daughter comes to live at the castle. (Except in the most recent film, where the merchant simply gets imprisoned, but his daughter comes to look for him and chooses to take his place. Presumably because otherwise the film would either have been very short, or the Beast would have been trying to find true love with the merchant (which, again, would actually have been a better illustration of loving what is beneath the surface). In the original versions, the merchant simply had to send any one of his daughters to the castle. The number of shits given by the Beast about which daughter he gets are zero.)

By one method or another, the merchant’s daughter takes his place at the Beast’s castle. We will call her ‘Belle’, as they do in the films. (See what they did there? Because Belle means Beauty, and it’s called Beauty and the Beast. The films didn’t want any confusion. No repeat of the chaos, panic and disorder experienced in that version where everyone was the child of some rival fairy. Oh no. No fairy parents here. There is a beauty, called Beauty, and a beast, called Beast. No one is getting confused. We leave no man behind.) The Beast (and his talking teapot, if you’re watching the films) take good care of Belle. The Beast does not plan to kill Belle – he’s not quite that clueless about his task.

The Beast asks Belle to marry him, but she repeatedly says no. On account of not knowing him, and something about fur and horns. This is probably for the best, as asking the first random you meet to marry you was likely rather missing the point of the curse. Belle has the Beast firmly in the friendzone. Well, to start with, more in the ‘you threatened my father and are now holding me captive, you creepy weirdo’ zone. But then Belle finds out the Beast likes to read, and that completely overrides earlier concerns about what kind of person tries to kill your father for picking a rose, holds you hostage, and has fur and horns. So they are friends, but the Beast’s time is running out. The rose is nearly dead.

Belle is worried about her father and the Beast sees that she cannot be happy. The Beast allows Belle to go to her father. (Because, as the saying goes, if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, you won’t have fur for eternity. If they don’t, well, at least you’ll never be cold in the winter. Or something like that.) The Beast has a magic mirror. Obviously. (No one really knows why. Presumably, the wicked fairy he was raised by was the one from Snow White.) He gives the mirror to Belle so that she will be able to see what is happening at the castle. And the magic ring, of course – he has one of those too, apparently – so that she can return to him.

Depending on the telling, Belle either needed to save her father and races back to the Beast when she realises a group from her village plan to attack the Beast (pitchforks at the ready). Or, she simply missed her father, promised the Beast she would return, and forgot (easily done – it’s not like he’s particularly memorable). Either way, the Beast is almost dead (from pitchforks or heartbreak) when Belle returns to him, causing her to realise that she does, in fact, love him and does not want to be without him. Thus, the curse is broken, the Beast survives and turns back into a Prince (servants stop being teapots, etc). Belle is thrilled because, while she, of course, did love him despite being a beast, a prince is still better, and they live happily ever after.

So, as I was saying, the moral of the story…yes, about that: I think I must have misunderstood. What I’m getting is that the shallow Prince was cursed to live as a Beast until he learnt to see beyond outward appearances, and to love and be loved for inner beauty. A lesson he learnt by, well, by kidnapping and falling in love with the most beautiful woman in the town. Okay. So we know that Belle is not shallow. She loved the Beast despite him being a beast. But Belle wasn’t the one who had been cursed for being a shallow arsehole, was she? Said shallow arsehole managed to rehabilitate himself through the supreme sacrifice of letting the really pretty girl live in his house. Thank god he learnt his lesson. I’m telling you, he should have been made to love the teapot.

(True) moral of the story: don’t listen to life lessons from fairy tales, particularly when retold by Disney, because they talk utter bollocks.

Friday Frolics – 21st July 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: So Happy in Town – Why Can’t We Let Our Kids Just Be? Susie asks the all important question: why are we actually bothering with all these ever more ambitious activities for our kids when we could probably all be happier sitting at home, leaving them to their own devices with their toys? I completely agree. There feels like so much pressure to be doing things these days, and half the time it barely seems worth the stress!

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Lisapomerantzster: Are We There Yet? – 101 Things I Can’t Believe I have Already Said This Summer. I often feel like I must have been a parrot in a former life. I squawk away the same things day after day and no one really pays any attention. I picked Lisa’s post because it totally sums up this feeling.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Our Rach Blogs – Bra Wars. I’m with Rach on this one. I’m never happy with my boobs and now I can’t wait to free them when I get home. I know, classy. I’m starting a new campaign for summer “Free the boobs!” ‘

 
Most Read Post

The Single Swan – The Little Known Benefits of Blogging

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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The Hunger Games

In the dystopian, post-apocalyptic nation of ‘Tesco’, Mumniss Evertired is chosen to compete in the Hunger Games. Participants (‘Tributes’) in the Games are selected from the ranks of parents who forgot to put in the online food shop order, and now have nothing in for tea. They must fight to the death to obtain the supermarket shop with toddlers in tow. The winning Tribute is rewarded by leaving the shop with actual food and the same number of children they entered with. The purpose of the Hunger Games is to provide entertainment for childless shoppers, and to punish parents for failing to conform to the system of the online shop.

At the start of the Games, Mumniss is introduced to her mentor, a past victor of the Games, and now a grandmother. The elderly mentor offers advice and guidance to Mumniss: ‘You’ve got your hands full!’ Tributes recognise the importance of collecting free fruit at the start of the Games, to provide as gifts to placate the toddlers as the Games progress. The toddlers must not leave the shopping trolley at any point. Certain doom awaits any Tribute whose toddlers succeed in escaping the confines of the trolleys.

As the Games begin, many Tributes do not survive the first aisle. Their toddlers declare that they now hate apples, oranges and bananas, and throw themselves on the floor, refusing to proceed unless they are allowed to eat cheesecake in the trolley instead. With these weakest Tributes dying of shame, Mumniss, and the other Tributes who succeeded in this first challenge of pleasing the toddlers with offers of free apples, proceed into the dangerous territory of the ‘chilly, too cold, don’t like it, I’M COOOOOLLD’ aisles. Mumniss successfully navigates this treacherous terrain by employing the dual strategies of bribing the toddlers with promises of toys, and declaring the entire family to now be vegans, thus allowing virtually the whole chilled foods section to be skipped.

Mumniss makes a near fatal strategic error in moving too swiftly to the bribery portion of the Games, providing the toddlers with toys and treats with well over half the contest still remaining. Mumniss faces disaster in the lentils and pulses aisle (vegans now), when it becomes apparent there is nowhere left to go in the bribery stakes but to offer the toddlers a car in exchange for their compliance. Mumniss realises that survival in the Hunger Games requires backstabbing ruthlessness. Promise whatever you have to, with no intention of keeping that promise.

Tributes form alliances with each other, but these are treacherous and short lived. It is each mum for herself. Tributes quickly realise that a major meltdown from another Tribute’s toddlers can stun your own into much needed submission. There are gains to be made from selling out your fellow contestants and encouraging tantrums amongst their offspring. By this stage, all the Tributes are battle hardened. They step over the bodies of their fallen comrades in the crisps aisle.

The most dangerous time is yet to come for Mumniss. She must navigate the sweets and chocolate aisle. Here Mumniss goes rogue. She makes a controversial decision to take the path of least resistance, and throws packets of sweets and chocolate (not THAT vegan) at the surprised toddlers before they can even begin to organise a sustained attack of whining. It’s a calculated risk. The move will be unpopular with the Heads of the Games. Tributes are supposed to maintain an organic, superfoods trolley throughout. Mumniss just wants to reach the tills.

The tills are in sight and Mumniss has almost made it. Only one other Tribute remains. As they race to the checkout, the cruel and callous Game Heads have one last trick. They release wild toddlers into the shop. As the feral infants tear through the aisles, grabbing items from the shelves with abandon, Mumniss desperately tries to prevent her own toddlers from joining them. She sees her last chance and seizes it: ‘If you just sit down and be quiet, you can go on Gaston the Ladybird when we’ve got through the checkout!’ Mumniss holds her breath. There is silence. First one toddler, then the other, sits down. The other Tribute has failed. He is knocked to his knees as his own children race to join the wild beasts in the magazine aisle. Mumniss throws her shopping onto the conveyor belt.

Mumniss is crowned the winner of the 3824518954th Hunger Games. She can return to her now vegan home. But the Games continue. There are always parents who forgot to do the online shop.

May the odds be ever in your favour.

 
 
 
 

This Mum's Life

 
 
 
 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Friday Frolics – 14th July 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Slouching Towards Thatcham – A Bedtime Story. A great children’s book parody of Edge of Glory. Ironic as we all know reading the same favourite book over and over to little ones can drive you ‘Gaga’ (see what I did?!)

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Turning Up in Devon – Village Survival, A Guaranteed Muffin-top. This is the best recipe I have read. I’ve often wondered when I’m stirring my ingredients if it’s supposed to look like cat sick. At least this one tells me!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Absolutely Prabulous – If You Really Love Your Vagina, Don’t Glitter Bomb it! Apparently 2017 will be remembered as the year we started glitter bombing our vaginas. Don’t do it peeps, step away from the sparkles! Glitter belongs in the arts and crafts box, not in our lady box/vagina/whatever you want to call it. A hilarious post from Prabs in which she makes her feelings very clear.’

 
Most Read Post

Also: Absolutely Prabulous – If You Really Love Your Vagina, Don’t Glitter Bomb it!

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 7th July 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: The Hollyhock Door – Ten (and a half) things about traveling with a preschooler . The joys of travel with small children. I think staying home is probably the way to go. Still, good to know kids experience the crushing disappointment of plane food just like adults.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Sparkles & Stretchmarks – The Threenager Who Came to Tea. Dinner time negotiations and toddler meltdowns. All very familiar territory. I loved this post.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Whisper to Roar – 24 Things I Have Learnt From Pretty Little Liars. This post made me really chuckle. I have been hopelessly addicted to PLL for so long. This is despite the very obvious flaws in the plot and the fact that the teenagers had such a thirst for coffee that in comparison my heavy caffeine addiction looked healthy. Yes, I will miss PLL. I always knew there was a twin though! Just saying ;-)’

 
Most Read Post

The Squirmy Popple – Is it Bad if Your Daughter Likes Pink?

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 30th June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: It’s a Drama – The 3 Rs of Parenting School. An amusing lesson in parenting – did you learn your 3 Rs? You’ll be needing them right into the teen years.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Mom of Two Little Girls – What Is the Point in Throw Pillows? I know they end up on the floor, used as weapons, or things to jump over in an obstacle course. But I can’t help it. I need throw pillows in my life!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Someplace Strange – When I’m a Mother I’ll Never. Oh how smug and naive I was pre-children. I thought I would be an yummy mummy earth type figure, cooking wholesome organic food. Instead I am a slummy mummy feeding her children fish fingers. This post reminded me that it’s all okay as we are all in the same boat! .

 
Most Read Post

Also: Someplace Strange – When I’m a Mother I’ll Never

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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