From The Randoms: Funny

Friday Frolics – 14th July 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Slouching Towards Thatcham – A Bedtime Story. A great children’s book parody of Edge of Glory. Ironic as we all know reading the same favourite book over and over to little ones can drive you ‘Gaga’ (see what I did?!)

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Turning Up in Devon – Village Survival, A Guaranteed Muffin-top. This is the best recipe I have read. I’ve often wondered when I’m stirring my ingredients if it’s supposed to look like cat sick. At least this one tells me!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Absolutely Prabulous – If You Really Love Your Vagina, Don’t Glitter Bomb it! Apparently 2017 will be remembered as the year we started glitter bombing our vaginas. Don’t do it peeps, step away from the sparkles! Glitter belongs in the arts and crafts box, not in our lady box/vagina/whatever you want to call it. A hilarious post from Prabs in which she makes her feelings very clear.’

 
Most Read Post

Also: Absolutely Prabulous – If You Really Love Your Vagina, Don’t Glitter Bomb it!

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 7th July 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: The Hollyhock Door – Ten (and a half) things about traveling with a preschooler . The joys of travel with small children. I think staying home is probably the way to go. Still, good to know kids experience the crushing disappointment of plane food just like adults.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Sparkles & Stretchmarks – The Threenager Who Came to Tea. Dinner time negotiations and toddler meltdowns. All very familiar territory. I loved this post.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Whisper to Roar – 24 Things I Have Learnt From Pretty Little Liars. This post made me really chuckle. I have been hopelessly addicted to PLL for so long. This is despite the very obvious flaws in the plot and the fact that the teenagers had such a thirst for coffee that in comparison my heavy caffeine addiction looked healthy. Yes, I will miss PLL. I always knew there was a twin though! Just saying ;-)’

 
Most Read Post

The Squirmy Popple – Is it Bad if Your Daughter Likes Pink?

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 30th June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: It’s a Drama – The 3 Rs of Parenting School. An amusing lesson in parenting – did you learn your 3 Rs? You’ll be needing them right into the teen years.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Mom of Two Little Girls – What Is the Point in Throw Pillows? I know they end up on the floor, used as weapons, or things to jump over in an obstacle course. But I can’t help it. I need throw pillows in my life!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Someplace Strange – When I’m a Mother I’ll Never. Oh how smug and naive I was pre-children. I thought I would be an yummy mummy earth type figure, cooking wholesome organic food. Instead I am a slummy mummy feeding her children fish fingers. This post reminded me that it’s all okay as we are all in the same boat! .

 
Most Read Post

Also: Someplace Strange – When I’m a Mother I’ll Never

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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The Toddler Vote

You may have heard that the youth vote has become a big issue in British politics, after Corbyn effectively harnessed the youth vote for Labour in the recent election. However, Labour do not have the support of all of the country’s youth. Oh no, the toddler vote is firmly with May and her Tories. The Tories may not be the natural party of government, as they have always claimed, but they are certainly the natural party of toddlers.

 
Hard Brexit

Mrs May’s Brexit strategy is every toddler who has ever stood on the back of the sofa with an ambitious plan to jump onto the coffee table. It’s not going to work, it has not been thought out, someone is going to get hurt. Sane adults are standing on the sideline yelling ‘Do not do that! Don’t you dare do that! You have been warned! No one gave you permission to do that! This is the stupidest thing you have ever done!’ Meanwhile, the toddler is screaming back ‘I don’t care! I’ve committed now! I might die, but dying is better than climbing off this sofa in an organised and measured manner!’ In short, toddlers approve of Mrs May’s Brexit strategy, because it is exactly what they would do. Of course, a toddler’s still developing brain means that they lack appropriate reasoning abilities. But we won’t let that undermine our opinion of Mrs May’s intellect.

 
The NHS

Toddler health services tend to involve an overworked staff (usually moonlighting in several other jobs including, but not limited to, builder, knight, hairdresser and astronaut), being paid in raisins, working with limited (often imaginary) supplies, in an entirely unregulated manner. Toddlers are perfectly willing to sell off their health service, such as it is, to the person offering them the most cheese. This essentially appears to be Mrs May’s exact plan for the NHS.

 
U-turns

Toddlers love a good u-turn. In fact, prior to Mrs May’s decision that she was actually going to hold the snap General Election that she definitely wasn’t going to hold, the record for fastest and most extreme u-turn had been held by Amelia, aged 2, from Wolverhampton. Amelia had made it into the record books after realising how much she hates jam in the time it took to spread it on the toast following her request for jam on toast, a request which she hadn’t expected anyone to remember, and which she didn’t feel particularly contradicted her current hating jam position.

 
Ridiculous Appointments to Positions of Power

Yes, Mrs May appears to be presiding over the most incompetent government of all time, and who in their right minds would appoint Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary?? Nonetheless, toddlers are not particularly concerned. Mrs May’s cabinet kind of makes sense to the sort of people who appoint baby siblings as knights, tasked with rescuing a plastic leek being held prisoner by the mantlepiece, only to fire the confused baby knight in favour of sending the goldfish on the quest instead. Plus none of them have queried a pig, who refers to himself as ‘daddy’ in a professional capacity, going to work in a job that appears to be the drawing of triangles. They were never really going to notice anything off about Boris, were they?

 
Privacy

Mrs May doesn’t really like the right to privacy (or any other human rights). She wants to spy on everyone and monitor the internet. She remains less draconian than toddlers, however, who consider that even toilet trips must be monitored.

 
Police Cuts

Unpopular with many voters, toddlers actually fully support Mrs May’s cuts to the police force. Cuts to the police mean less available officers to handle all those requests being made by parents for officers to be sent to deal with bedtime infractions being committed by suspects described as ‘naughty toddlers’. In fact, the toddlers have noticed that there often aren’t even sufficient police staff available to actually speak to when parents call the ‘Naughty Toddler Police’. It frequently appears that the parents are speaking to themselves. The toddlers believe they have Mrs May to thank for that.

 
Social Conscience/Morality

Toddlers are actually okay with the idea of taking things away from people who need them and not even being sorry. That’s what toddlers do on Tuesdays.

 
DUP Deal

The toddlers are less horrified by Mrs May’s deal with the DUP than most. They are unfazed by the bribery aspect. They operate almost exclusively on a system of bribes themselves, and most have been able to ensure their demands for 1.5 billion animal biscuits in exchange for a confidence and supply agreement* with parents for supermarket trips are met. Nor do they consider Mrs May’s choice of ‘friends’ particularly shocking or strange. Why, their own friends are also prone to supporting violence, believing in far-fetched nonsense, having little concept of the age of anything, and holding some odd views about dinosaurs.

(*I.e. an agreement whereby parents can be confident of being able to obtain supplies from at least two aisles of the supermarket before tantrums/escapes occur.)

 
 
It should be noted that, prior to the election, the Labour Party was also enjoying significant success amongst toddler voters. The party’s policy of fighting amongst themselves for no apparent reason was extremely popular with toddlers. However, since reducing the extent to which they behave like, well, toddlers, the Parliamentary Labour Party has rather fallen from grace with the pre-school demographic.

Friday Frolics – 23rd June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Our Rach – Practice What You Preach. Our Rach has been hilariously defending Caroline Flack’s honour and right to wear a toilet roll holder this week. As you do.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘The Stented Papa – He Said She Said. I love the premise for this series and if this one is anything to by it’s going to be a corker.’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Pass the Wine Please – “Again Mummy!” The Children’s Books I Will Never Forget. As someone who is haunted by several children’s books, namely “That’s Not My… (insert rude expletive here), this really made me laugh. I am looking forward to the books getting better as they get older. Oh hang on Youngest starts school in September that means Biff Chip and Kipper – arggggggggh.

 
Most Read Post

It’s a Drama – Love It. Hate It. Blogging.

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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You’re Welcome (A Parody)

Now, I’m certainly not calling Nigel Farage a demigod, I want to be very clear about that. However, he does appear to think that everyone is very grateful for everything he has done to try to bring about the apocalypse. So I’ve re-written Maui’s You’re Welcome from the film Moana for him.

 
 
You’re Welcome

I see what’s happening here
You’re face-to-face with hatred and deceits
You don’t even know why you agree, it’s adorable
It’s nice to see that history repeats

Open your eyes, stop screaming
Yes it’s really me, it’s Nigel, I’m unbeseeming
I know it’s a lot, the tweed, the moxie
When you’re staring at a demi-Nazi

So what can I say except you’re welcome
For the Trump, the lies, the Brexit
Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay
You’re welcome
I’m just an ordinary demi-cesspit

Hey
What has two pints claimed on expenses
And nonense he dispenses
This guy

When the referendum got called
Who sold you lies about the EU
You’re lookin’ at him, yo

Oh, also I scapegoated Islam
You’re welcome
To foster discord and bring you uncalm

Also I harnessed immigration
You’re welcome
To fill you with misguided indignation

So what can I say except you’re welcome
For the hate crimes I brought to the street
Only Christians should pray, I exclaim
You’re welcome
Ha, I guess it’s just my way of being elite
You’re welcome
You’re welcome

Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly, I can go on and on
I could explain every dodgy liason
Robert Mercer, Assange, Le Pen
Oh, I don’t usually support women

I killed a fox
Actually I just observed
Wore stupid trousers, got what it deserved
What’s the lesson
What is the takeaway
Don’t listen to Nigel, it’s all just foul play

And the face of a gurning fool
Is cos of inbreeding in my gene pool
Look where I’ve been I make everything shit
Look at that effing Nigel just keeps refusing to quit

Well, anyway let me say you’re welcome
For making Britain a complete parody
Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay
You’re welcome
Well, come to think of it, this will end terribly

Hey, it’s your day to say you’re welcome
‘Cause I’m gonna get really rich
We’re leaving the EU, the EU, you’re welcome
‘Cause Nigel’s the ultimate right wing dick

You’re welcome
You’re welcome

Friday Frolics – 16th June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time.

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: The Indeparent – Coco Pops much cheaper than Turkey Twizzlers, says Theresa May. I loved this spoof news look at one of Theresa’s many nutty policies. Plus it gave a 100% accurate account of Theresa Economics: it all adds up as long as you make sure there is nothing to add up.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Mummy Muckups – It’s Raining, It’s Pouring: Must be School Pick up. I totally feel Anna’s pain. School runs with a three year old are challenging, but add Mother Nature and it’s a recipe for disaster!’

Emma’s favourite post: ‘ So Happy In Town – Dear Mr Playpark, I’m afraid it’s over. I’m still in the throes of an intense relationship with my Mr Playpark. I am dreading the day when I realise that we are no longer compatible and I hope that we still have a few years left in us yet. This breaking-up post from Mrs S.H.I.T really made me laugh.’

 
Most Read Post

Four Princess and the Cheese – Pretty Sure I Just Created The Best Workout Ever

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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The Tory Family (An Addams Family Parody)

Now, I’m not saying the Tory Party are ghoulish or anything…but I have rewritten the Addams Family theme song for them.

Altogether now, start snapping your fingers…

 
 
The Tory Family

They’re greedy and they’re sleazy
Nefarious and sneaky
They make us all uneasy
The Tory Family

The snap election was conceited
They nearly were defeated
Now they’re feeling sheepish
The Tory Family

So support the opposition
And treat with great suspicion
May’s chaotic ‘coalition’
The Tory Family

They’re greedy and they’re sleazy
Nefarious and sneaky
They make us all uneasy
The Tory Family

Friday Frolics – 9th June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. Election day today. I strongly suspect that all frolicking in the Silly household will be called off in a few hours, when Cruella De May is inevitably re-elected. But for now, on with the fun!

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Mom of Two Little Girls – A Catalogue of Weekend Injuries. An impressive collection of injury and misfortune to befall one family in a couple of days, including a plate over head smashing incident. What really elevated the whole weekend to epic proportions for me, however, was the Saturday evening trip to the seafood restaurant, following the Saturday morning Friday night sushi induced diarrhoea. That is hardcore devotion to seafood there!

Emma’s favourite post: ‘Pass the Wine Please – Strangers Say the Strangest Things. Don’t they just! I have lost count of the number times a stranger has felt the need to ask a rude question or to share their “wisdom”. I was once asked if I was sure I was only carrying the one baby as I looked so fat. RUDE!’

 
Most Read Post

It’s a Drama – Why It’s so Cool to Be in Your 40s

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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A Toddler’s Guide to the Human Rights Act

As Theresa May once again threatens to abolish the Human Rights Act, a toddler could be forgiven for asking ‘What has the Human Rights Act ever done for me?’

So here is the essential guide to what the HRA means for toddlers.

 
 
The right to life

This means you can throw yourself down the stairs/attempt to ride an escalator head first/try to lick the cat, and Mummy must do everything possible to prevent you from dying. Your life is protected – test that theory by risking it as much as possible.

 
The prohibition of torture and inhuman treatment

This means Mummy is not allowed to waterboard you. Even if she’s claiming it’s called a ‘bath’, and is a necessary consequence of muddy puddle jumping. Bedtime, biscuit withholding, and refusal to allow Frozen to be watched more than once in one day, are also torture and inhuman treatment, and you should not stand for them.

 
Protection against slavery and forced labour

Obviously, this means you are not tidying up your toys, putting on your shoes, or helping in any way.

 
The right to liberty and freedom

This particularly applies in the supermarket. Screaming ‘FREEDOM’ and tearing off down a random aisle is not only allowed, it’s your right, dammit.

 
The right to a fair trial and no punishment without law

Despite the clump of sibling hair grasped in your fist, you are innocent until proven guilty. There should be no punishment until you have received a fair trial before a properly instructed jury of your peers, or at least your teddy bears. And, actually, you are below the age of criminal responsibility anyway, so you will just be having that confiscated hobby horse back, and galloping off with your dignity, thank you very much.

 
Respect for privacy and family life, and the right to marry

Actually, you are not required to tell Mummy what you’re up to or why you are so quiet: that’s your private business. However, as Mummy is here now, you require her to tie this blanket around your waist because you will be getting married, as is your right.

 
Freedom of thought, religion and belief

You can believe what you like. Even if it is that there is nothing odd about Peppa Pig’s eyes, and that liking cheese only on Tuesdays is perfectly rational.

 
Free speech and peaceful protest

Exercise your right to free speech as often, and as loudly, as possible. The plank is a valid form of peaceful protest in any situation.

 
Freedom from discrimination

You should not be treated unfairly simply because you are three. So, if Mummy could just hand over the car keys, you’ll be off to your knife throwing practice.

 
Protection of property

Mummy has no right to interfere with your Lego, regardless of whether or not she is able to see any carpet anymore.

 
The right to an eduction

Mummy has to answer your questions. All of your questions. Even ‘Why?’

 
The right to free elections

If you are unhappy with Mummy, you must have the opportunity to participate in free and fair elections to replace Mummy.

 
 
 
 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Friday Frolics – 2nd June 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

Thank you to everyone who linked up their fantastic funny posts last time. This week, Claire is on a well deserved holiday. And I am linking up with an old post, as I haven’t managed to write anything!

 
Friday Favourites

My favourite post from last week: Real Mum Reviews – My Mealtime Masterpiece…or Not! An excellent how to for making the all important cheese sandwich, which, as every owner of pre-schoolers knows, is not as simple as it sounds! Not if you want them to eat it, anyway.

Claire’s favourite post: ‘Four Princesses and The Cheese – Just a Walk in The Park. Going to the park is one of my least favourite parenting things to do. Kristin totally gets it!’

 
Most Read Post

You Have To Laugh – Families Dropped at Airport Three Hours Before Flight

 
If you missed these posts last week, do check them out – guaranteed a laugh.

Friday Favourites writers: Please feel free to grab the Featured Blogger badge below.

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 
I am looking forward to all the fun and frolics, but first for a couple of serious bits.

The Rules:

1. Make us laugh! Friday Frolics is all about the funny, so please no reviews, or how to make a finger puppet (unless, of course, they are hilarious).

2. Include the Friday Frolics badge in the post that you are linking. If you do not include the badge, you will not be eligible to feature as a Friday Favourite.

3. Comment on one of each of the hosts’ posts, and at least one other post for every post you link up. Share the fun people! Use #FridayFrolics when you comment on posts so people can see where you are linking from.

4. You can link up to 2 posts, old or new.

 
Other Stuff:

By joining this linky, you consent to receiving e-mails from me about Friday Frolics.

Follow us on twitter and tweet your links to @lifeloveanddd @sillymummy88 using #FridayFrolics for a RT.

The Linky will open at 8pm on Thursday evening, and close at 11pm on Sunday.

 
Now, on with the linky…

 

R is for Hoppit

 
 

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Friday Frolics – 26th May 2017

Welcome to Friday Frolics, the linky with the giggles. Friday Frolics is hosted by myself, Claire at Life, Love and Dirty Dishes, and Emma at Island Living 365. It’s the place to link up your funny posts and snort your tea whilst enjoying some others.

 
**Claire, Emma and I have decided that, in light of the tragic attack in Manchester this week, we are going to cancel Friday Frolics for the week. We feel that this is perhaps not the time for a humorous link up, and are sure that many people are not feeling much in the mood for funny at present.

The British sense of humour in the face of adversity is well known and, in my opinion, a fantastic quality of our nation, and we will return next week. But, for this week, a break.

We hope that you will join us next week, with all that famous British spirit, dry humour and stoic resolve shining bright.

In the meantime, we of course send all of our love and thoughts to anyone who has been affected by this terrible incident.**

A Toddler’s Guide to Rainy Day Activities

Nice weather we’re having, aren’t we? Still, no need to dread rainy days in with small children. Just follow this comprehensive toddler guide to filling a wet day.

 
 

1. Sit in the window and yell ‘RUDE!!’ at Tesco delivery vans visiting neighbours’ houses.

 
2. Dress as Mary Poppins and sing Let it Go while freezing people.

 
3. Dress as Elsa and sing A Spoonful of Sugar while looking after the children.

 
4. Ask for biscuits.

 
5. Get angry with your little sister when she pokes you in the eye in a dispute over a used tissue.

 
6. Get angry with Mummy when telling your little sister not to poke you in the eye inevitably results in your little sister rolling around on the floor in a fit of rage. Your little sister doesn’t like being told not to poke you in the eye. Mummy shouldn’t tell your little sister not to poke you in the eye. Mummy should know her place. Fortunately, it’s a rainy day, so you have plenty of time to put Mummy in her place.

 
7. Ask for biscuits.

 
8. Undress all your dolls.

 
9. Ask your dolls why they’ve got their bums out.

 
10. Laugh.

 
11. Make Mummy redress all your dolls.

 
12. Repeat steps 8-11.

 
13. Ask for biscuits.

 
14. Express your anger at Mummy’s repeated refusal to provide biscuits.

 
15. Do some art. You will require a minimum of 300 pieces of plain white paper for your artwork. Each should receive a miniscule dot in yellow crayon before being discarded as ‘finished’.

 
16. Ask to play a game. Cheat. Wander off before the game is finished.

 
17. Wait for the post. Read your important mail. Note that your mysterious correspondent has once again sent you an intriguing letter filled with pictures of pizza.

 
18. Ask for pizza.

 
19. Channel your inner hamster, shred paper and hide it in piles around the living room.

 
20. Stand at the window watching the rain pour down and have a bright idea: you should water the plants in the garden.

 
 
 
 
*THE ‘OH WHAT THE HELL’ PLEA: I WASN’T GOING TO EVEN ATTEMPT NOMINATION FOR THE BiB AWARDS THIS YEAR BUT, AS I SAID, WHAT THE HELL! IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG, AND ARE FEELING VERY GENEROUS, YOU COULD ALWAYS NOMINATE ME IN THE READERS’CHOICE CATEGORY (OR MAYBE FAMILY AND LIFESTYLE) HERE. THANK YOU!*

 
 
 
 

My Random Musings

 
 
 
 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

Brexit Fortunes (A Game Show Parody)

Hello and welcome to our Brexit and Election Special episode of Family Fortunes (Family Feud for our American audience). The game in which two families compete to provide answers to questions about Brexit and the upcoming election. All of the questions have been put to members of the public, Parliament, the Cabinet or Theresa May before the show. Our contestants are looking to get the top answer, the one given by most of our surveyed group. If contestants give an answer which none of our surveyed group provided, they will hear ‘Eh-uhh’. Ready? Then let’s begin.

 
 
Round One

We asked the Cabinet to name ten things needed for Brexit to not be a complete disaster. You said, ‘Expert guidance and opinions.’ Our Cabinet said, ‘Eh-uhh.’ Next, you said, ‘Good trade deals.’ Surely this must be a high answer. Let’s see. No! Our Cabinet said, ‘Eh-uhh.’ Finally, you said, ‘A can do attitude and no f**king clue what’s going on.’ This is your last chance, you need a good score. Yes! It’s the top answer.

 
Round Two

We asked whose fault this was. You said, ‘David Cameron.’ It was, of course, the top answer. Next, you said, ‘Theresa May.’ It was the third best answer. A good answer. But the other team can steal if their answer ‘Vladimir Putin’ beat Theresa May. So was ‘Vladimir Putin’ the second answer? It was. I think you knew that really, and they steal the point.

 
Round Three

We asked you what answer Theresa May gave to the question: ‘Will you be calling a snap election?’ You answered, ‘I’m not going to be calling a snap election. I’ve been very clear that I think we need that period of time, that stability, to be able to deal with the issues that the country is facing, and have that election in 2020.’ It’s the wrong answer. Very bad luck on this one – the answer you gave was right five minutes ago. However, the updated answer Mrs May has just given, which we were looking for, is: ‘I have just chaired a meeting of the Cabinet, where we agreed that the Government should call a general election, to be held on June 8.’

 
Round Four

We asked Theresa May why she decided to hold a snap general election. You said, ‘To gain the majority needed to sideline Parliament and destroy the country.’ Theresa May said, ‘Eh-uhh.’ (Though, interestingly, our lie detector said this was actually the top answer.) The correct top answer, according to Theresa May, was ‘strength and stability’.

 
Round Five

We asked Tory MPs what they think of the current Government. Neither team guessed the top answer, intoned monotonously and in unison: ‘Mrs May is a wonderful Prime Minister, and this is the best Government we’ve ever had.’ The other answer we would have accepted, given by Ken Clarke, was: ‘Oh for f**k’s sake!’

 
Round Six

We asked 100 people to name one job Theresa May had before becoming Prime Minister. You said, ‘Nurse Ratched.’ It was a good answer. 31 of our hundred people said ‘Nurse Ratched’. But the top answer we were looking for, given by 53 people, was ‘Death eater’. Other correct answers included ‘Margaret Thatcher’ and ‘Cruella de Vil’. One exceptionally dull person answered ‘Home Secretary’, but we disqualified him.

 
Round Seven

We asked the current Government what they will do to solve the NHS crisis. You answered, ‘Provide proper funding for universal healthcare.’ The Government said, ‘Eh-uhh.’ The top answer we were looking for was ‘sell it to Donald Trump’.

 
Round Eight

We asked the Department for Exiting the European Union to name countries they hoped to secure trade deals with following Brexit. You were a little optimistic here. Your answers of the United States, China and South Korea were all incorrect. The top answer was Liechtenstein.

 
Round Nine

We asked 100 people to name an EU law that has actually caused a problem in their daily lives. It really doesn’t matter what you say here, as I can tell you that 52 of our 100 people said that they will have to get back to us on this, and wandered off muttering something about ‘sovereignty’. While the other 48 people said they actually quite like the EU, and appreciate having employment rights and an economy.

 
Round Ten

We asked 100 people how they intend to vote in the snap General Election. I can tell you, the top answer was…provided by the Russians.

 
 
And the winner of Brexit Fortunes is, of course, absolutely no one! Except maybe Theresa May, and a couple of billionaires, but certainly no one here. Not to worry: we don’t let anyone go home empty handed on this show! You all get to take home a crushing sense of impending doom, less money than you have ever had before, and this stylish blue passport!

Cat on a Hot Wood Fence (a Play)

I’ve been watching a play. It’s being staged on my garden fence. It seems to be one of those arty plays. You know, the ones that just have two characters verbally sparring. Like Waiting for Godot (for one of the protagonists at least, it appears that this play is more Waiting for Reaper). It’s a pretty short play, so I have decided to publish the script, a la J K Rowling (no, this is not going to be an eighth Harry Potter book either, so don’t even bother complaining).

 
 

CAT ON A HOT WOOD FENCE

By Indistinguishable From Tennessee Williams
(A.K.A. I’m Going To Make My Fortune I Tell You)

 
 

Characters

 
Cat: A cat

Bird: A bird

 
 

Act 1
Scene 1

 
(A garden fence. Bird is sitting on the fence. Cat enters, fence left.)

 
Cat: *Stalks along fence*

 
Bird: *Looks at cat*

 
Cat: *Stops. Looks the other way. Licks its paw. Whistles nonchalantly.*

 
Bird: *Still looking at cat*

 
Cat: What? Dude, I’m not even looking at you.

 
Bird: *Goes back to looking around garden*

 
Cat: *Stalks along fence*

 
Bird: *Looks at cat*

 
Cat: *Stops. Whistles nonchalantly*

 
Bird: *Looks at cat*

 
Cat: Seriously, dude, stop being paranoid. I’m not interested in you. Not everything is about you.

 
Bird: *Looks away*

 
Cat: *Stalks along fence*

 
Bird: I want to trust you, bro, but could you not come any closer? And stop looking at me.

 
Cat: *Hums ‘You’re so Vain’*

 
Bird: Yeah, you’re funny. Just back off.

 
Cat: Seriously, I’m not doing anything! Like, what’s your problem, man? I just wanna hang!

 
Bird: Yeah, whatever. Keep your distance.

 
Cat: *Edges slightly closer to bird*

 
Bird: Fuck this! *Flies away*

 
Cat: *To himself* Damn it! Why can you never be cool?! You’re such a moron! *Checks no one is looking, sidles away from fence as only a cat can*