Clock: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature. The Toddler will take a break from evil cackles (‘ha’) and concerns about what on earth is wrong with boys (many have wondered), to present her thoughts:

1. On pot
The Toddler is sitting next to Silly Daddy. She suddenly declares, ‘Daddy, I’ve got pot.’ Silly Daddy is half way through gathering up bags of crisps and chocolate when it transpires that The Toddler has a spot on her leg.

2. On searching, minimal effort
Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler to look for a missing toy. The Toddler does precisely no looking before declaring: ‘I can’t find it anywhere!’
Silly Mummy points out: ‘You haven’t looked!’
The Toddler bucks up her ideas, and carefully inspects the 10cm square patch of empty floor right at her feet: ‘It’s not there, is it?’ Thanks for your help, The Toddler.

3. On clocks, with an ‘l’
The Silly Family are going swimming. Silly Daddy is getting tickets. The Toddler has spotted something she wants Silly Daddy to see: ‘Look, Daddy, a clock!’ Except she’s not yelling ‘clock’. She never says ‘clock’. She always misses the ‘l’. Usually, the context makes her meaning clear. Usually, she can only mean ‘clock’. But this is the swimming pool, no assumptions should be made. A quick check of surroundings is warranted. Everyone is dressed. There is a clock on the wall. All is well.

4. On bags, naughty
The Baby is waving around The Toddler’s spotty Mr Tumble bag. Inevitably, she hits herself in the face. The Toddler takes charge of the situation. By marching over to the bag and saying firmly, ‘Bad bag!’

5. On butterflies, identity issues
The Toddler wants to wear one of her dresses (every day). Silly Mummy offers choices: ‘Pink dress or butterfly dress?’
The Toddler knows her answer: ‘Butterfly dress. It’s got big small ladybirds on it.’ Ah, yes, the ladybirds. Also called butterflies. Silly Mummy wonders why The Toddler thinks we call the dress the ‘butterfly dress’.

6. On evil cackles, ha
The Toddler is quite taken with the evil queen in Enchanted: ‘Can we see evil queen now?’
Silly Mummy replies, ‘Yes she’ll be on in a minute. Does she say “mwah ha ha”?’
‘Yes, she does say “ha”! Ha!’ The Toddler may need to work on her evil cackle.

7. On that poor boy
The Toddler has found a new way of showing Silly Mummy up in public. This one’s subtle. She’s doing it with concern. Silly Mummy, The Toddler and The Baby are in town, and pass a lady who has stopped to feed her crying baby. The Toddler breaks free and runs back to the lady and baby. She stops right in front of them, and loudly says, ‘That poor boy! What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’ The Toddler thinks she is being caring. She does not realise she is effectively in some poor woman’s face yelling, ‘Call yourself a mother? Your poor baby is crying! Crying!’ (In a connected matter, there is a boy a little older than The Toddler who lives next door. He has quite a lot of tantrums. Whenever The Toddler can hear him through the walls, she asks, ‘What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’ Unfortunately, if we bump into them on the street now, regardless of the fact that the boy is not doing anything & is minding his own business, The Toddler will spurn all traditional forms of greeting and loudly ask, ‘What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’)

8. On overreaction
The baby has hit The Toddler on the head with a soft toy. Fortunately, The Toddler is not one to overreact: ‘The Baby has broken my head!’

9. On watches, Grandma’s
The Toddler has commandeered Grandma’s watch. She holds it out to Silly Mummy: ‘I want to wear my clock on!’ (She’s not saying ‘clock’. She means clock. She’s not saying clock. See number 3.)
Silly Mummy stops giggling (she’s not saying clock), and deals with the matter in hand: ‘That’s not your clock, is it? That’s Grandma’s.’
‘Yes it is my clock! Not Grandma’s clock. It’s my clock.’ (Not saying clock. Insert your own immature giggling here.)
‘Where did you get it?’
‘It’s Grandma’s.’

10. On the park, for childrens
The Toddler is at the park. Silly Mummy suggests she has a go on the balance bar. The Toddler disagrees: ‘No. It’s for childrens.’ It is unclear what The Toddler thinks she is exactly (apart from not getting on the balance bar, of course).

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 15: We Are Not a Stinker
Week 18: A Spinny Armpits

24 comments

  1. Oh this is a GREAT list!
    We have a toddler of our own. Tonight she asked for an ice cream for pudding. The Hubs went to get her an ice cream and she started wailing “No, Daddy, no! Not from Freezer! Not from freezer! From FRIIIIDGE!!!”
    After a moment of pause while we both looked at her perplexedly (is that a word?), something in my mind clicked and I said “Do you want a Malteser?” Hubs pulled out the bag and she stopped wailing and nodded enthusiastically.
    Me: “That’s not ice-cream, baby. Those are Maltesers.”
    Toddler: “‘Tesers. Hmm. Nom nom.”
    #BrillBlogPost #BrilliantBlogPost

  2. ‘I want to wear my clock on!’ (She’s not saying ‘clock’. She means clock. She’s not saying clock. See number 3.)
    Silly Mummy stops giggling (she’s not saying clock), and deals with the matter in hand: ‘That’s not your clock, is it? That’s Grandma’s.’

    I’m so sorry, it must be the “13 year old” in me, but I would be rolling, on the floor, with tears coming out my eyes! I would never stop asking her what time is was.

    Oh so juvenile of me…but oh so funny!!!

  3. Ruth says:

    Oh dear! I can just imagine the ‘clock’ incident 🙂

    This takes me back to when my own kids were toddlers and the things they’d come out with – they do have such loud voices, don’t they?

  4. Love this, my slightly older than toddler, 4 year old niece has just taken to saying ‘stop, you’re making me wind up’ meaning ‘I’m getting wound up’ – so funny the things they come out with x

  5. Lol! Your kids are going to die laughing when they read your blog posts years down the road. The clock incident is hilarious! Keep on guard if you’re ever in a quiet place like the public library and there’s a “clock’ sighting! #AnythingGoes

  6. Jenny says:

    Love this weeks round up of funnies…. B used to miss out letters all the time like fok for fork and words sounding like bad things catching us off guard like boobies for blueberries. Always entertaining aren’t they when they start to speak. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again this week for another great round of #sharewithme

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