It has now been revealed (following a public incident of not ‘clock’ that was just too ridiculous not to mention) that The Toddler does not actually exactly say ‘clock’ when she’s saying ‘clock’. Well, in the interests of full disclosure, she doesn’t exactly say ‘snacks’ when she’s saying ‘snacks’, either.
Actually, in fairness, she’s started to get a bit more accurate in her pronunciation of ‘snacks’ over the past couple of weeks. Nonetheless, for a long time, The Toddler has not been saying ‘snacks’. She’s been saying, well, ‘sex’. Yes, that’s right: The Toddler has been innocently requesting ‘sex’ (raisin sex, usually) on a roughly hourly basis for months.
So, here are eight sentences The Toddler has been wandering around innocuously spouting. Please read all ‘clocks’ without the ‘l’, and all ‘snacks’ as ‘sex’.
1. In the bath (The Toddler has a foam clock bath toy): ‘That’s my clock up there! Can I have my clock? I play with my clock?’
2. ‘I want snacks! Want snacks now!’
3. Waving her watch around: ‘I wear my clock on now? Mummy, you put my clock on?’
4. ‘Mummy, can I have snacks in the pushchair?’
5. (The Toddler has a gro clock. Silly Daddy gave her the gro clock and showed her how to use it. The Toddler thinks of it as Silly Daddy’s clock, so you can see where this is going. The Toddler sometimes turns off all her plug switches when being naughty at nap time. This annoys Silly Daddy as the clock then needs resetting.) Discussing with Silly Mummy, post nap, whether she has been naughty with the plugs and clock: ‘Yes, I did turn off the clock. That’s Daddy’s clock!’
6. ‘Can The Baby have snacks too?’
7. When The Baby has run off with The Toddler’s watch: ‘That’s my clock, I think.’
8. Wailing: ‘Mummy, I want more snacks!’
Needless to say, there are no immediate plans to take The Toddler to see Big Ben. Particularly not whilst feeling a bit peckish. The mind boggles. (‘Why, yes, that is a big clock, darling.’)