In what may become a new feature (if The Toddler continues to be funny this week), Silly Mummy presents ten of the funniest things The Toddler said last week (and a word from The Baby).
So, without further ado, Silly Mummy gives you The Toddler:
1. On The Baby, plans of
The Toddler is watching The Baby crawl out of the room: ‘The Baby busy. The Baby go shops.’ (Oh good: we need milk.) The Baby returns to the room seconds later. The Toddler announces: ‘The Baby not go shops. Baby want tea cup.’ (No milk, then. Good luck with that tea, The Baby.)
2. On the dolls’ house, orders given to
The Toddler wishes the dolls’ house to report for duty forthwith: ‘Come on doll house. Quick.’ The dolls’ house is about as obedient as The Baby, and stubbornly remains where it is.
3. On Mummy, waiting
The Toddler is taking an important, albeit imaginary, phone call: ‘Hello…talk…yes…’ The Toddler has spotted Silly Mummy. Apparently, Silly Mummy is needed. The Toddler pauses in her phone call to say to Silly Mummy, ‘Stay there, Mummy: one minute.’ She returns to the call, ‘Hello…talk…hello…hang on a minute.’ Evidently, the imaginary caller has been put on hold. Both Silly Mummy and the caller are now waiting. The Toddler has left. She’s eating raisins.
4. On The Baby, pickle tendencies
The Baby is trying to crawl away whilst her nappy is being changed.
Silly Mummy: ‘Oh, The Baby, you are a -‘
The Toddler: ‘- Pickle!’
Silly Mummy: ‘Yes! And a squidget fidget!’ (What?? It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say!)
The Toddler (giving Silly Mummy a disparaging look): ‘No. Not that one. Pickle.’ (Okay, apparently it’s not a perfectly reasonable thing to say. The Baby is just a pickle.)
5. On Mummy, opposition to
‘Oooh, Mummy, no!’ The Toddler is a Carry On film. Or Dick Emery. (Stay tuned: it is likely by next week Silly Mummy will be awful, but we’ll like it.)
6. On toast, losing that one
The Toddler is searching for plastic toast from her breakfast set: ‘Where’s that one toast? Where’s it gone, Mummy? More find it. Oh dear.’ (It’s still missing, incidentally. Silly Mummy knows you were on the edge of your seats, thinking, ‘But where was the one toast? Has it been found?’) Oddly, all missing items last week were referred to as ‘the one’: ‘Where’s the one gone?’ It was like The Toddler Matrix around here.
7. On wanting things, actually
‘I want that one, actually.’ Oh, actually. You want it, actually. Well, actually, that one is Silly Mummy’s mascara, actually. ‘Yes. That. Want it, actually.’
8. On herself, getting out of the way
The Toddler is trying to close the playpen gate whilst standing in the gateway. It is not going well. The Toddler has a word with herself: ‘Shut it door…The Toddler out way first.’
9. On coming on, guys
The Toddler is charging across the room. Apparently, everyone should be following. This requires a new command. The usual ‘come on, The Baby’ won’t cut it: everyone should be following. The Toddler is therefore calling, ‘Come on, guys!’ Yep, that ought to cover it, but where on earth did she learn it?
10. On The Baby, looks
The Toddler sidles over to The Baby. She declares The Baby to be ‘gorgeous’. That is all. She sidles away.
(And a word from The Baby
‘Duck!’ Yes, duck. The Baby has taken to repeating ‘duck’ whenever she hears Silly Mummy or The Toddler say it, which is surprisingly often (thanks, ‘Sarah and Duck’). Silly Mummy wonders what The Baby thinks ‘duck’ is. Has ‘duck’ been said with such disproportionate frequency that The Baby is under the impression it is a vital word? The first word she will need. See what you’ve done, Sarah and Duck!)
Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 3: Think So, Mummy
Week 4: Your Emus
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 6: Get On It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 8: Perfick
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me