Five and a Half Things The Baby Has Learnt from The Toddler

Five and a Half Things The Baby Has Learnt from The Toddler1. There is a random object on her head. This is a ‘hat’
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a toddler in possession of a coaster must be in want of a baby’s head to put it on.* The Baby has learnt that a wide variety of objects will be placed on her head and declared a ‘hat’. In fact, the only requirement for objects that can be The Baby’s ‘hat’ is that they must not, under any circumstances, actually be a hat. The Baby smiles tolerantly whilst The Toddler puts a leaflet advertising pizza on her head and shouts, ‘The Baby hat on! Hippos away!’**

* To almost entirely misquote Jane Austen.
** ‘The sun has got his hat on, hip hip hip hooray.’ Obviously.

2. Kiss…cuddle…aah
The Toddler loves to do kisses and cuddles. She has a routine: ‘Mummy, kiss, please…Cuggle…Aaahh!’ The Baby is a frequent, if not always willing, recipient of Toddler kisses and cuddles: ‘The Toddler is wanting give The Baby kiss.’ Sometimes, The Toddler will explain what they are doing: ‘Mummy, doing cuggles. Cuggles, The Baby.’ This is presumably just in case an inexperienced observer was to think The Toddler, now wrestling The Baby with an arm around her neck, was attempting to strangle a distressed infant. They’re cuddling, okay? The Baby may not always appreciate the kisses and cuddles, but she has paid attention to the routine. Now, when Silly Mummy asks The Baby for a kiss, The Baby opens her mouth and head butts Silly Mummy (still not quite got the hang of kisses), before putting her arms around Silly Mummy and saying, ‘Aaahh!’

3. It is naughty to eat the bin (and The Toddler is a bit of a grass)
The Baby’s favourite toy/lunch is the living room bin. Should The Baby be lucky enough to find someone has left the bin within her reach (yes, hiding the bin from The Baby is an actual thing around here), she will immediately attempt to get any item she finds in the bin, the bin bag and the bin itself into her mouth. Should The Baby succeed in engaging in this activity without Silly Mummy noticing, The Toddler alarm will activate: ‘No, The Baby! Naughty! Don’t, The Baby! Mummy! The Baby can’t eat the bin! The Baby naughty!’

4. She’s ‘it’
Due to some very irresponsible parenting, The Toddler has recently learnt about being ‘it’. She now likes to run up to people, smack them and yell, ‘It!’ She understands that she is supposed to run away from people threatening to make her ‘it’. The Baby does not know the rules of ‘it’. Nor can she run. As a result, The Baby can be found sitting on her bottom, smiling patiently, whilst The Toddler repeatedly whacks her on the arm and screams, ‘It!’ The Baby does not know what ‘it’ is, but she accepts that she is ‘it’.

5. Raisins are contraband (and delicious)
The Toddler has some raisins. The Toddler holds out a raisin to The Baby. Silly Mummy tells The Toddler not to give the raisins to The Baby. The Baby is having her own, more suitable, snack. (Read: more digestible snack. There was a raisin incident; Silly Mummy doesn’t want to talk about it.) The Toddler nods. No raisins for The Baby. Silly Mummy fetches The Baby’s snack. The Toddler and The Baby are now looking shifty.
‘Did you give The Baby a raisin?’
‘Has The Baby got a raisin?’
‘Is that a raisin in The Baby’s mouth?’
‘Yes. The Baby eating raisin.’

5 1/2. The Toddler loves her
The Toddler gave The Baby one of her raisins. Voluntarily. The Baby is very special.

If you enjoyed this post, check out Five and a Half Ways The Baby Is a Big Disappointment to The Toddler

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The Twinkle DiariesEverything MummyMummy BlogThe Dad NetworkYou Baby Me Mummy


  1. Natalie Ray says:

    Ah bless, great post. My two are learning similar lessons from each other. And as for me? I might have briefly got your *’s muddled up and thought that Jane Austen had written the sun has got his hat on. Briefly.

  2. Emma says:

    Ah yes. My toddler has been teaching his younger brother these things too! It’s been interesting to watch them interact with each other 🙂

    *Hi from Weekend Blog Hop 🙂

  3. I was very confused by “Hippos Away” until I found the explanation but that is adorable! When Baby arrives we’ll have a larger gap between Boy (now five) and Baby, so no doubt the lessons learned will be very different but equally bizarre!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Yes, hippos away is not immediately obvious, is it? It’s great though! I think the way siblings interact is very different depending on age gaps, but I’m sure equally hilarious – have fun!! Thanks for reading.

  4. Jenny Eaves says:

    Ha ha, love this! Hippos away is great! My son likes to say ‘here I come astronaut!’ for hide and seek (read: ready or not). Completely understand the bin obsession, we have got rid of most bins but the kitchen one for the same reason! 🙂 x

    • Silly Mummy says:

      ‘Here I come astronaut’ is great! The bins are a nightmare – I hate having no bins around! Thanks for reading!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Aww – funny how some are really cuddly & others are wrigglers, isn’t it? I’m sure The Toddler would give it a go – she does follow a policy of just trying to force cuddles!

  5. Hippo’s away is so cute! Love the raisin bit too – had a proper image of the two of them sitting there not showing that they have one in their mouths! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Silly Mummy says:

      I loved the hippos away! Yes, that is pretty much what they do when they know something is in their mouths that shouldn’t be! Thanks for popping by!

  6. I had to laugh that some of these things have also happened here. We have gone through the hat stage, thanks to daddy! And our baby thinks that kisses and cuddles are headbutts as that is how my son shows affection. You are not alone ;0) x

  7. Lovely giggle-inducing post, thanks for linking up.
    What is it about raisins that make children pop them in their mouths, irrespective of where they’ve been? I childminded a little boy who would tip his raisins everywhere in the buggy and then want to find and eat them …urgh!
    “It” sounds a lot of fun in your house, just wait until the Baby is mobile!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! I have no idea what it is about small children & raisins! Odd. Yes, The Baby is going to have to learn to run fast to avoid ‘it’! Thanks for popping by!

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