Hush, Little Baby (Here Are Some Ridiculous Gifts)

mockingbird-702804_1280 Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,
Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird

(No, I don’t know why you’d want one either
Let’s hope you don’t contract bird fever)

And if that mockingbird won’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring

(No, giving a baby a diamond ring
Doesn’t sound the most suitable thing)

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Papa’s gonna buy you a looking glass

(Mirror mirror on the wall
What is the stupidest gift of all?)

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Papa’s gonna buy you a billy goat

(If the broken glass doesn’t cause a cut or two,
Perhaps the bloody goat will headbutt you)

And if that billy goat won’t pull,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull

(No, a bull doesn’t seem a soothing gift for a baby
Is Papa having some kind of breakdown maybe?)

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Papa’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover

(Oh, a dog. A dog seems vaguely sane
The rest if these gifts are completely inane)

And if that dog named Rover won’t bark,
Papa’s gonna buy you a horse and cart

(Why are these animals all mute or lame?
More to the point, are they even tame?)

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town

(And if Papa brings any more stupid gifts for you,
Mama’s going to give him a talking to)

29 comments

  1. I had never thought about it before but that song does contain the most inappropriate list of baby gifts ever! It reminds me of a book my son has where all the animals rhyme with what they have to sit on and the frog gets very miffed about having to sit on his log because it’s not fair he has to have the most uncomfortable seat just because it rhymes 🙂 #AnythingGoes

  2. Kimmie says:

    Bwahahaha…This is Brilliant! #CleverClogs 🙂

    I sang this song to all of my babies, never once questioning the insanity of the lyrics. I’m still giggling after reading your version. I’m off to show hubs. Hilarious!

  3. Mrs Mum NZ says:

    Ha ha ha! This is the nursery rhyme I used to sing everytime I settled my son to sleep. And I often thought exactly the same things! What random and stupid gifts for a baby. Thanks for making me smile. #AnythingGoes

  4. I love love love that you have reworked Mocking bird for the modern generation. My all time fav, I sang this to my kids but always got to the goat and then forgot the words. One my late nana sang to me. Special memories, thank you! x

  5. N. says:

    I never thought of it that way 😀 Nursery rhymes aren’t exactly the sanest thing out there are they? I always found ‘rock a bye baby’ with the baby falling out of the frigging tree at the end a tad morbid >.<

    #MMWBH

  6. MMT says:

    Ha ha! bI have never really thought about the content of this old nonsense before? Everyone knows daddy needs to buy her a Disney princess stuffed plush doll… 😉
    Thanks for linking up with #coolmumclub

  7. Seriously, who wants a Billy Goat? Or a ring that turns brass? Daddy bought a cheap one, didn’t he? I’ve always wondered about this song, it is kind of weird, isn’t it? What we sing and read to our children, LOL Crazy isn’t it?

  8. Jenny says:

    Absolutely brilliant just had to sing/read this to my hubby and mother sat next to me. 🙂 Love it. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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