I heard About That: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

In this week’s Ten Funniest Things post, Pirate Ship The Toddler can be found boogying with a bogeyman, never wearing trousers, and keeping up with all the latest gossip.

Here she is:

1. On giving The Baby a kiss, without causing alarm
The Toddler doesn’t wish to alarm The Baby, but she is going to be showing her some affection. She approaches carefully, arms out: ‘It’s okay, The Baby, but I’m just going to give you a kiss.’

2. On Fungus the Bogeyman
The Toddler has been enjoying Fungus the Bogeyman lately. Possibly because she expects him to break into a spot of disco dancing at any moment: ‘Can I watch boogie boogie man?’

3. On her important work, The Baby sitting on
According to The Toddler, The Baby is doing her ‘busy work’. (Please note: this is playing with Silly Mummy’s top.) The Toddler feels that The Baby needs to know when it is time to step aside and let someone else take over: ‘It’s my turn to do important work!’ (Please note: this means play with Silly Mummy’s top herself.) The Toddler prepares herself to begin her work, but quickly spots a problem: ‘The Baby is sitting on my work!’ (Please note: the ‘work’ The Baby is sitting on is Silly Mummy.)

4. On being a pirate ship
The Toddler believes the word ‘pirate’ should always be followed by the word ‘ship’. She got a pirate costume for Christmas. She can now be heard asking: ‘Can I wear my pirate ship on, please? I’m Pirate Ship The Toddler.’

5. On Silly Daddy, recognising his achievements
Silly Daddy has finished his dinner, a task The Toddler feels he does not often get sufficient recognition for. She decides to rectify the situation with a little praise: ‘Well done, Daddy. You did that all on your own!’

6. On naughtiness
The Toddler’s sharp analytic mind has got right to the root causes of naughty behaviour: ‘I’m just being naughty because I’m not very good.’

7. On needing car keys, because of the wind
Grandma is preparing to leave. The Toddler, as usual, is asking questions:
‘Do you need your car keys?’
Grandma confirms that she does indeed need her car keys.
The Toddler nods wisely: ‘Yes, you do need your car keys. Because it’s windy.’ Well, quite. Grandma is normally willing to walk the 120 miles home. But not in this wind. That would be silly.

8. On her trousers, never wearing them again
The Toddler has removed her trousers. Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler to put them back on. The Toddler makes a bold claim: ‘I’ll never put my trousers back on. Never.’

9. On being The Little Old Lady Toddler
The Toddler is chatting with Silly Mummy, who happens to mention something The Toddler might like to do. The Little Old Lady Toddler replies: ‘Yes, that would be nice, wouldn’t it, dear?’

10. On hearing things
The Baby is having a nappy change. The Toddler is ‘assisting’ (running around with baby wipes), and having a bit of a gossip. The Toddler has not entirely grasped the concept of gossiping. She chatters away: ‘Did The Baby do a poo?’
‘Yes, The Toddler.’
‘Yes, I heard about that.’ The Toddler hears things. She moves and shakes. She’s on top of all the latest water cooler gossip. (It also just happened and she was right here.)


If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.


  1. Oh my goodness, these are hilarious. I love the praising Daddy one. Best from my son (3) this week, while on the potty:

    “Mummy, please, I just need a wee wee to come out of my privates!”

    Love it. #KCACOLS #justanotherlinky

  2. Sassy says:

    I absolutely love this feature on your blog, I haven’t read them all yet, but started at the beginning and got to week 10 so far. Toddlers say the funniest things! 🙂 xxx #AnythingGoes

  3. I love #7
    MY toddler often asks “Shall we walk there” when I announce we’re going somewhere. Which is funny because even though pretty much everywhere is too far to walk from our house, when we do happen to walk anywhere, I’m sure I end up doing more carrying than she does walking.
    I imagine if it was windy then I’d do all the carrying.

    #KCACOLS #AnythingGoes #TheList

  4. Stephanie says:

    Well I guess the first step to stopping being naughty is to understand why it happens in the first place. The Toddler’s got that sussed, now for the small matter of the rest of it! Good luck, and thanks for linking up to #PoCoLo

  5. Maria says:

    Ahh the toddler is so funny!! I love her her solemn vow of never ever putting her trousers back on and the appearance of little old lady toddler saying “dear” hehehe

    Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS I hope to see you back again on Sunday X

  6. Mrs H says:

    Oh, I do love these posts. They remind me that my toddler is just a normal toddler and they do say the most ridiculous things. I adore the fact that she believes it is very important for Grandma to drive home when it is windy, her dislike of her trousers, and her new nickname for you, “the work”. Plus, congratulating Silly Daddy for eating his dinner is just fabulous. I got praised for counting to five the other day. “Good counting mummy. Well done!” It is always nice to get some positive recognition. Thanks so much for linking up with #SundayStars. Hugs Lucy xxxx

  7. Love The Toddler’s gossip and well done Silly Daddy for finishing your dinner all by yourself! Boogie boogie man sounds quite fun and I love her approaching the Baby for a kiss and giving her warning that she was about to do so. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

  8. Melissa says:

    LOVE the pirate ship concept 😀 And the “dear” reminds me of when my four year old started calling her father “honey.” “Mom, honey is home.” Too cute. #ftmob

  9. Oh I love it. I love the pirate ship toddler and the windy logic (we get a lot of that…given we don’t live in a massively windy place, wind of the weather variety features heavily in my son’s life). And never putting her trousers on…I do enjoy the passion in their lives. #ftmob

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