I’m Not a Hufflepuff: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s that time of the week again: the Ten Funniest Things feature.

Very appropriately on the very day we all pile onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters, The Toddler is talking Hogwarts houses.

On with the sorting…sorry, talking, with The Toddler:

1. On herself, talking all the time
The Toddler has a bit of a problem, which she explains to Silly Mummy: ‘I talk all the time. I don’t want to.’

2. On Hogwarts’ Houses
The Toddler appears to quite like Harry Potter, though Silly Mummy had assumed she did not take that much in. Silly Mummy assumed wrong. The Toddler is roaring and huffing, leading Silly Mummy to ask, ‘Are you the big bad wolf? Do you huff and puff?’
The Toddler gives Silly Mummy a disparaging look, ‘No, I’m not a Hufflepuff.’ There you go: taken it all in, right down to knowing which house is, frankly, a bit rubbish. Any allegation of being a Hufflepuff (or even something that sounds a little bit like it) will be firmly denied by The Toddler and her people (The Baby).

3. On origami
Silly Mummy has had a rainy day activity brainwave*: ‘Would you like to do some origami?’
The Toddler would like to do some origami: ‘Yes, me do gabagoombadi!’
(*It wasn’t a brainwave. The Toddler is two. The Baby is one. Origami is fiddly folding of small pieces of paper. It was a stupid idea. Miraculously, a dog, a crane, a waterlily, a jumping frog and a giraffe were made. The Baby ate the frog and the giraffe. The lily was inexplicably deeply offensive to The Toddler. She still cries if it is shown to her.)

4. On best friends
The Toddler plops herself down next to The Baby, puts her arm around her, and announces, ‘We’re best friends!’ The Baby does not appear to have a say in the matter, but looks quite pleased anyway.

5. On being a sandwich
The Toddler is being a funny girl, and Silly Mummy tells her so. The Toddler disagrees: ‘I’m not a funny girl – I’m a sandwich!’ Ah, well, Silly Mummy always did get those two mixed up.

6. On forgiving yourself
The Toddler is looking at a display in the book shop. She knocks something over and picks it back up, muttering to herself, ‘Oh sorry, sorry…It’s okay, don’t worry.’ She may have taken learning to forgive yourself a little literally.

7. On baby bumps
The Toddler has had a little collision with The Baby in the hallway, but she has it under control: ‘Sorry, gorgeous. You okay, gorgeous?’ She even knows a song for the situation: ‘Ouch said the baby bumps in to door.’

8. On imaginary friends, not holding hands
The Toddler is wandering around, talking to herself: ‘You not want to hold my hand? No? I go back to the the door?’ It sounds to Silly Mummy like The Toddler has a not very friendly imaginary friend.
Silly Mummy asks, ‘Did your imaginary friend not want to hold your hand?’
‘No, didn’t want to.’ Well, it’s nice that The Toddler realises that imaginary people can have personal space issues too.

9. On Grandma, good girl
The Toddler has had her nappy changed by Grandma. She feels it is important to encourage this sort of behaviour: ‘Oh good girl, Grandma! Good girl!’

10. On The Baby, what her problem is
The Baby is sitting on the sofa, minding her own business. The Toddler is not impressed with her attitude: ‘The Baby, what’s your problem? Why are you doing nothing?’

Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me
Week 11: Right, What’s The Problem

Let's Talk MommyMummaknowsYou Baby Me MummyLittle Hearts, Big Love
Let's Talk MommyMummaknowsYou Baby Me MummyLittle Hearts, Big Love


  1. Mrs Tubbs says:

    This is going to be great until she realises that she’s blog-fodder and does great entertaining stuff and then forbids you to blog about it. Not that this has ever happened to me …. 😉 #sharewithme or #mmwbh

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Oh, that’s true! I’d have the create a new, really anonymous blog & go deep underground. Though that may be a little extreme just to be able to tell people my kid said something a bit silly…

  2. Carol Hedges says:

    Oh I just love your stories! Can’t wait until Little G starts coming out with these hilarious remarks!! I think she and The Toddler would b great mates…and The Baby of course.! We have eschewed origamy, but we do play Unrolling A Toilet Roll. We are Very Good at it.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! The Toddler and The Baby do like friends – especially ones who know how to unroll a toilet roll! To be honest, that is probably about the level of paper activity I should have stuck at. ‘Let’s make a peace crane’ was probably a bit ambitious!

  3. Kiri says:

    These posts always make me laugh so much. The Baby and The Toddler sound very much like my two daughters – the 4 year old is always fussing over the 1 year old, declaring that they are best friends (or no longer best friends if baby takes one of her toys) and trying to mother her!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Glad we make you laugh. Yes, that sounds like these two – hilarious watching The Toddler try to teach, discipline, befriend and mother a bemused Baby! Thanks for reading.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! My mum thought it was hilarious to be told what a good girl she was for the nappy change (which incidentally The Toddler had kindly insisted poor Grandma had to deal with)!

  4. Absolutely know to look for you when I need a smile, or a chuckle or a deep belly laugh. Thank you. More than you know. Tonight was one of those nights, and I now have a bit of a smile. Love your kids, love the way you write them. xx

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Glad we made you laugh. They’re brilliant once they become little chatterboxes – all the entertainment you need! Thanks for reading.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      I know – who would have thought a paper lily would be so traumatic? Worse – origami lilies have always been my napkin folding go to so the Christmas dinner table is going to need a rethink this year! Thanks for popping by.

  5. I love this feature – the things that The Toddler says always make me chuckle. Love her imaginary friend with personal space issues and those moments between her and the Baby sound adorable – love the announcement that they are best friends and asking “you okay, gorgeous?”. Asking the Baby what her problem is made me laugh and I love her take on Hufflepuff. Thanks for linking up again to #ftmob 🙂

  6. Jenny says:

    Oh this week’s really tickled me. I can’t wait to see what MM will come out with now that she is talking more. Too funny. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again soon. I apologize for my late commenting, just catching up on a hectic week. I appreciate all the blog support. Look forward to reading more of your SWM link ups. #sharewithme

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