Jam

JamThe Toddler is looking for jam. The Toddler has made tea and toast with her toy breakfast set. She now needs the jam. Probably for the toast, but who can be sure? She has regularly served people egg in their tea cups, and her favourite imaginary food offering is ‘carrot and cake’. (I would love to pretend The Toddler is very sophisticated and offers people imaginary carrot cake. I would, however, be lying. It is not carrot cake. It is carrot AND cake.) So, anyway, The Toddler needs jam. Probably for the toast, but possibly to spread on eggs or stir into tea.

Now, I must point out at this juncture that there is no jam. The Toddler’s breakfast set includes bread, croissants, eggs, spoons, knives, plates, cups, a kettle and a toaster, but no jam. The jam is entirely imaginary. This seems to be somewhat impeding the search. It is very difficult to find objects that are both hidden and non-existent.

The Toddler wanders around the room, providing jam-related commentary: ‘Where jam? Here? No. Here? No. Of course…The Toddler’s spoon!’ Briefly thought the jam had been located there? So did Silly Mummy but, no, it was the spoon. Of course! Unaware we had also been hunting for a spoon? Join the club. The spoon is reunited with its tea cup, but the imaginary jam remains AWOL. ‘More jam!’ More? Apparently there has already been jam. It must be around here somewhere then. ‘Where jam?’

Silly Mummy has a brainwave. Silly Mummy lifts up a cushion and holds out an imaginary jar: ‘Here it is! It was behind the cushion.’ The Toddler shakes her head. She is not fooled. Whatever imaginary substance is in that imaginary jar, it is not imaginary jam. Furthermore, the imaginary jar of the unidentified imaginary substance, which Silly Mummy made up on a whim just seconds ago, belongs behind that cushion! The Toddler takes the rejected imaginary jar and puts it back behind the cushion.

The jam is still missing. ‘Where jam? Think! Where’s it gone?’ The Toddler sees her tea cups and is briefly distracted: ‘Tea for two!’ Briefly. ‘Looky jam. Where?’ The Toddler looks in her box of books: ‘No!’ She looks in her box of cuddly toys: ‘No! Look, Mummy, Daddy! Got dina!’ She waves around her stuffed dinosaur, jam apparently forgotten. The dinosaur is harder to spread on toast, but more tangible than imaginary lost jam. Swings and roundabouts.

The Toddler is still rifling through the cuddly toys: ‘Look! Rhino! Look! Horse big neck!’
‘Giraffe, sweetheart.’
‘Oh, yes, giraffe. Tall giraffe. Bouncy giraffe. What sound makey giraffe?’
‘It…Well, it…It makes…Erm…Daddy? Anything to add?’
Daddy jumps right in with, ‘Er…’
Silly Mummy knows just what to say: ‘Weren’t you looking for jam, darling?’
‘No. What noisy giraffe make?’
Several minutes of parental googling later and we know the answer: they don’t (well, the babies occasionally moo).

Post Comment LoveModern Dad PagesShare the Joy linky at bodfortea.co.ukMy Random MusingsDiary of an Imperfect Mum
Post Comment LoveModern Dad PagesShare the Joy linky at bodfortea.co.ukMy Random MusingsDiary of an Imperfect Mum

30 comments

  1. another post that had me giggling aloud (I refuse to use the LOL acronym…although I guess now I just did…) Love the line ‘It is difficult to find objects that are both hidden and non-existent.’ !! I have encountered a similar problem to the giraffe one with rabbits….what noise DO they make?

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Another LOL boycotter (though I have also now just used it)! Yes, we had it with rabbits as well. I still have no sound for them – we always just did rabbits hopping. That’s why my toddler calls them hoppits! I expect one day I will find myself googling what noise rabbits make, too!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      I know – who would ever imagine we’d find ourselves inventing pots of jam and trying to hand them over! Thank you for taking the time to read.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Clearly giraffes are the perfect animal for achieving quiet time: ‘Now let’s all make giraffe noises. For an hour.’ Thanks for taking time to read.

  2. Ruth says:

    Haha! This really made me laugh! I’m looking forward to having similar conversations in a few months time when my toddler can say more than the current 5 words. I’ve already got the answer to “What do giraffes say?” They say “munch, munch, munch” of course!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Of course they do – very obvious when you think about it! I will let The Toddler know it is actually ‘munch munch’! She’ll like that!

  3. Oh giraffes are a tricky one. We say “munch munch”. This normally leads to toddler wanting a snack. Which normally leads to a search for imaginary jam… What a wonderful world they do live in! Glad to find your blog through the lovely Michelle at Bod for Tea!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you for reading! Yes, I fear ‘munch munch’ would make mine want a snack too – but then most things make her want a snack! They do live in a wonderful world.

  4. I miss the afternoons looking for imaginary jam. Now I spend my days looking for shoes and jackets that has been left at school or most mornings for a toothbrush. My little mouse is always looking for her toothbrush. How you loose a toothbrush no one knows.
    It sounds like a lovely afternoon.
    Stopping by from Share the Joy.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you for reading. A toothbrush does seem a funny item to lose – I think it is one of the few things I have never lost! Yes, I think I will miss imaginary jam when it gets to coats, PE kits & book bags left in various locations.

  5. Alice says:

    I used to ask people I didn’t know at mother and toddler groups what sound they thought a giraffe made, by way of an ice breaker (funnily enough I am not in touch with many of those people anymore…or they are not in touch with me) It seemed to be somewhat of a consensus amongst them that giraffes make a sort of lipsmacky munch sound, as if they were chomping on a mouthful of leaves. So I am with you all on that one!
    #sharethejoy

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Haha – wish someone has asked that at the groups I went to! So, as there is consensus that giraffes munch, that just leaves the question of what noise rabbits make??

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you for reading & hosting #sharethejoylinky! Haha, if you live in the house, you will have to join the searches for imaginary items! Mooing is optional, but you have to agree that, if you do choose to moo, you are mooing like a baby giraffe NOT a cow! x

  6. Lady Nym says:

    Haha! I love this. Tyger’s ASD means I don’t think this is likely to happen here (far more likely he’ll lose a real toy – which happens often) but the frustration is familiar! I have also been stumped by the ‘what noise do giraffes make’ question before.

    #AnythingGoes

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Well, I think Tyger makes more sense – here we seem to be less concerned about the loss of actual toys! It’s usually mummy looking for those! Many people seem to have had the giraffe noise issue. Also rabbits! Thanks for reading!

  7. Catie says:

    I love the horse big neck comment, a great observation! We have had the giraffe question too and came up with ‘meh’ well we had to have something! Thanks for linking up with #fbfriday x

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