In this week’s Ten Funniest Things The Toddler said post, we have toddler espionage, and you know what they say about too many toddlers in the kitchen…
Here’s The Toddler:
1. On the kitchen, too crowded
Silly Mummy goes into the kitchen. Before she can get the child gate shut, The Toddler barges in, The Baby hot on her heels. The Toddler looks around disapprovingly: ‘There are far too much childrens in this kitchen!’ Indeed.
2. On knowing nothing
Futile conversations with The Toddler, number 20808:
‘Mummy, you know what we do with tweezers, don’t you?’
‘What do we do?’
‘I’ve decided I don’t know.’
3. On having too much
The Toddler is trying to get extra mini gingerbread men: ‘Can I have one more?’ Silly Mummy hands her one. The Toddler pushes her luck: ‘Can I have too much?’ Silly Mummy thinks she got confused with ‘two more’.
4. On your marks
The Toddler is about to throw a ball to The Baby. She prepares The Baby: ‘Are you ready on your marks?’
5. On who’s been playing with her bubbles
The Toddler is having her bath. The Baby just had a bath. The Baby may have touched the bubbles during her bath. The Toddler is not happy. She seems to be doing her best Goldilocks and the Three Bears impression: ‘Who’s been playing with my bubbles?’ At least Goldilocks Baby didn’t fall asleep in them.
6. On I spy
The Toddler has taken up playing a lot of I spy of late. She hasn’t quite grasped the game: ‘My little I spy is something beginning with red. I win.’
7. On being disgusted
The Toddler has discovered the word ‘disgusted’, but she can’t quite pronounce it. She has got a bit of fluff on her finger. She holds it out to Silly Mummy: ‘Take it off! That’s insusted!’ She drafts in Silly Daddy’s assistance with the disgusting finger: ‘Daddy, we’ve got an insusted!’
8. On bouncing at her convenience
The Baby is watching Mr Maker. The Toddler is going upstairs for a nap. Halfway up the stairs, The Toddler hears ‘bounce everyone’ from the TV in the living room. She pauses and calls back down the stairs: ‘I can’t bounce just now, Mr Maker. I’ll do it later.’
9. On the interrogation
The Toddler and The Baby are playing together. Exactly what they are playing is called into question when The Toddler declares: ‘Right then, The Baby, let’s get ready for the interrogation.’ They’re probably just acting out their favourite John Le Carre novel again: Toddler, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.
10. On elaboration
The Toddler has taken up expanding on her statements with additional information that adds literally nothing to what was already known: ‘When I ask for the big spoon, I ask for the big spoon.’