Ode to Bob (a PSA)

This is an important Public Service Announcement for all expectant parents: call your kids Bob. All of them. Whatever their gender. Bob. Trust me.

You will thank me when they get to their first Christmas in school and insist they are writing Christmas cards to their entire class*, despite their limited writing abilities and even more limited attention spans. Not to mention the not being able to remember the names of all the kids, and the being no use whatsoever on the correct spelling (for some names the options span the full gamut of English spelling, Irish spelling, American spelling, deliberately misspelt and accidentally misspelt). And those two kids whose names you really suspect (or hope) your child has misheard. Periwinkle? Are you sure??

‘To Bob, from Bob’ is just easier. Doesn’t even need the ‘to’ or ‘from’, really. Just ‘Bob’ at the top of the card and ‘Bob’ at the bottom. Or Bob scrawled across the middle.

Incidentally, I’m pretty sure To Bob, From Bob was in my four year old’s book bag the other week. Or perhaps it was Ode to Bob. Or just Bob. Something like that. I’m sure I remember writing an insightful comment in the reading record: ‘Sounded out and blended Bob really well. By page five, it might have been more of an educated guess that it probably said Bob. Again. But she displayed good recollection of Bob.’

‘I am Bob. Bob am I. Am I Bob? Bob I am.’ I think the reading scheme for EYFS was written by Yoda’s cousin (Bob).

*They will also, of course, be personally writing cards to their teachers; the headteacher; the class next to theirs; the after school club; some kid’s mother (they can’t remember who that kid or his mother is, but she must have a card); a random lady unconnected to the school, who happened to be passing by the gates this morning; five dinner ladies; four teaching assistants; three classmates’ siblings; two school inspectors and a partridge in a pear tree.


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