Off With My Head: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

Time again for the Ten Funniest Things feature. This week, The Toddler is a strict disciplinarian with a boring cough. Meanwhile, over in The Baby’s corner, she has certainly not been shopping for dinner.

Over to The Toddler:

1. On discovering and doing

The Toddler is listening to the Cbeebies Discover and Do song, and she objects.
Cbeebies presenter (singing): ‘Discover and do, discover and do, all the day through…’
The Toddler: ‘No, I don’t want to do that!’

2. On discipline

The Toddler is attempting to discipline The Baby again. The Baby is being escorted towards the naughty step: ‘You stay there for 100 years!’ That seems a little excessive. Silly Mummy thinks that The Toddler is now taking her disciplinary procedures from Maleficent.

3. On her head, off with it

The Toddler is also taking quite an extreme approach to disciplining herself (and entirely misunderstanding the methods of the Queen of Hearts), as she marches around the living room, yelling: ‘Off with MY head!’
(Henry VIII would not have got through nearly so many wives if he’d taken that approach…)

4. On being busy

The Baby is trying to show The Toddler something, but The Toddler is very busy: ‘I have no time for this, The Baby, at moment. I have important work to do.’

5. On coughs, boring

The Toddler is coughing, but is under no illusions as to how interesting this is: ‘My cough is bit boring.’

6. On lollipops, licey

The Toddler is offering tasty treats to the household today: ‘Do you want some lice lollipop? You lick it.’

7. On Silly Mummy, what she wants

A very generous The Toddler is offering Silly Mummy items of her choice. Anything Silly Mummy wants, apparently. The Toddler is not taking no for an answer. She’s quite insistent.
The Toddler: ‘What do you want?’
Silly Mummy: ‘Nothing, thank you.’
The Toddler: ‘Do you want something else?’
Silly Mummy: ‘No, thank you, I don’t need anything.’
The Toddler: ‘What do you want?’
Silly Mummy: ‘Nothing, thank you very much, sweetheart.’
The Toddler (after a pause): ‘…What do you want then?’

8. On biscuits v pirate ships

The Toddler is attempting to comfort a crying The Baby. With a frankly bizarre range of choices: ‘Do you want biccy or pirate ship?’

9. On The Baby, very rude

The Baby is running around with the roof from The Toddler’s wooden train, and The Toddler is scandalised: ‘I think The Baby took it away from my train. Cos The Baby was very rude to me!’

10. On books, too froggy

The Toddler and The Baby have a bath book featuring a duck and a frog. The Toddler has it and The Baby wants to take a look. The Toddler feels this is not a good idea. She has some concerns about unsuitable frog-related content: ‘It’s not good for you, The Baby: it’s too froggy.’

The Baby’s Corner

The Baby has been to the supermarket with Silly Daddy, and now she is waiting in her highchair for dinner. Silly Mummy is chatting with her: ‘Did you go shopping with Daddy? What did you get?’
The Toddler interjects: ‘The Baby got all the recipes for the din dins.’
The Baby does not agree, she shakes her head vigorously and waves her hands about: ‘No! No!’
Silly Mummy asks for confirmation: ‘Did you? Did you get all the bits for din din?’
The Baby is irate, there is more head shaking and arm waving: ‘No. NO DIN DINS!’
(This is disappointing news, as Silly Mummy and The Toddler are waiting for that dinner The Baby definitely did not get with Daddy.)


If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.


  1. The Toddler’s approach to discipline is certainly quite extreme – 100 years on the naughty step seems somewhat excessive as does chopping her own head off! The lice lollipop doesn’t sound too appealing and I have to admit to having a similar reaction to the “Discover and Do” song on CBeebies. I do love her telling the Baby that the bath book was “too froggy” for her and reading some of the things The Baby is now saying too. I hope the din-dins turned up in spite of The Baby’s emphatic assertion that there was NO DIN-DIN! Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

  2. Sarah says:

    “This is not good for you! It’s too froggy!!”
    Toddlers say hilarious things sometimes!
    Sarah xx

  3. Mrs Tubbs says:

    100 years on the naughty step?! Wow, that’s hardcore! I see an appearance on one of those extreme parenting TV shows in the future for the toddler if she doesn’t soften up

  4. I can understand baby’s reticence to Discover and Do, I also find that slightly annoying. I may need toddlers help disciplining children eat school although her punishments do seem rather excessive, I do hope she won’t want to remove any heads. Brilliant as always hun. TY for linking up with #FamilyFun ?

  5. Ellen says:

    This is hilarious! 100 years on the naughty step sounds fairly intense. I feel like biscuits and pirate ships would cheer me up though so I think that’s pretty solid. Shame she’s so cavalier about keeping her head though…haha. Great read! #FamilyFun

  6. Mel says:

    Awww so sweet! Yep, 100 years on he naughty step sounds a tad extreme. Love the fact she’s busy with a lot of work to do! Funny how much their role-play can mimic what we say and do, he he!

  7. Jenny says:

    OH my goodness my daughter said the same thing this week, my cough is boring hahaha they are silly funny little things aren’t they? I love their language and perception of things at this age. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me and the continual support. #sharewithme

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