The Toddler is painting. Apparently. She appears in front of Silly Mummy.
‘Want to help The Toddler paint?’
Well, this is intriguing. There are no paints out today. Nor any crayons, pencils or pens. All art related items are safely in the cupboard. Not even the aquadoodle mat or etch-a-sketch are available (both having been rejected by The Toddler as acceptable toys for the day). Obviously, Silly Mummy does want to help The Toddler paint, if only to find out what is going on.
Silly Mummy dutifully follows The Toddler to a carefully selected patch of the living room wall. The Toddler is holding a coaster from the coffee table and two plastic knives from her toy breakfast set. The Toddler holds out a knife to Silly Mummy, before swirling the other knife around the coaster and brushing it across the wall.
‘Painting! Mummy paint!’
Silly Mummy dabs the plastic knife on to the coaster, and proceeds to make patterns on the wall. The Toddler approves.
The Baby is staring. She is probably wondering what on earth The Toddler and Silly Mummy think they are doing. The Toddler, however, has another interpretation.
‘The Baby wants to help paint.’
The Baby is handed a plastic knife.
‘Come on, The Baby, mix all the colours! Come on, The Baby, mix all the colours!’
The Baby is not mixing all the colours. The Baby is chewing the plastic knife/paintbrush.
‘The Baby is naughty! The Baby is naughty again! Mummy want to help The Toddler’s painting?’
It appears The Baby’s career as a painter is over. She has been fired. Her plastic knife/paintbrush is unceremoniously removed from her grasp, and handed to Silly Mummy. Silly Mummy is reinstated as The Toddler’s decorating assistant.
The Toddler has finished painting the wall, and is sorting out her painting equipment ready for the next area in need of a splash of colour.
‘Want brush. Paints. Want paints. Mix all the colours. The Toddler is making all the colours.’
She moves on to painting the TiVo box with her plastic knife. There is a suspicious smell emanating from her vicinity. Silly Mummy says, ‘Does The Toddler need her nappy changing?’
‘No! Painting! Want to paint.’
Silly Mummy feels she really must insist on the nappy being changed. The Toddler begrudgingly lies down on the mat. The coaster/paint palette is now a phone. Of course. The Toddler holds it to her ear.
‘Phone. Hello. No. Not. Okay. Painting. Doing painting.’
Having notified them of her activities, The Toddler abruptly hangs up on the unspecified person on the other end of the coaster.
The Toddler’s nappy is changed. The coaster/phone is a paint palette again. The TiVo is still only partially painted: The Toddler needs to get back to work.
‘Doing painting. Mix all the colours.’
As The Toddler keeps mixing all the colours, Silly Mummy can only assume the entire living room is being painted a rather fetching shade of imaginary brown.
Whilst painting on the living room walls using plastic knives and imaginary paint from a coaster may be the first sign of toddler madness, the key point here, as far as Silly Mummy is concerned, is that imaginary paint (even when brown) is just so much easier to clean off. In fact, The Toddler will do it. Now, let’s see, to remove imaginary brown paint applied from a coaster with a plastic knife? Why yes, she will simply need imaginary water applied from a magnifying glass with a plastic egg. And help from a confused baby assistant.