Parenting Never Have I Ever

tea-1105113_1920Who knows the drinking game Never Have I Ever? Each person states something they have never ever done, and anyone playing who has done that takes a drink.

Who wants to play parenting Never Have I Ever? Below are twenty never have I ever statements. For each one you have done as a parent, you should take a drink. This is the parenting version, remember, so that drink should be a sip of cold tea. Everyone ready?

 
1. Never have I ever… Sniffed a bum in public.

2. Never have I ever… Sucked snot from a nose.

3. Never have I ever… Pretended to be a cabbage in Costa coffee because my toddler was putting ‘magic spells’ on me (with a straw).

4. Never have I ever… Cleaned sick off an entire outfit with a baby wipe instead of changing it.

5. Never have I ever… Done the above with my own outfit.

6. Never have I ever… Read every other page of a book on the tenth reading of it that day in order to finish it faster, since they’re not listening anyway (despite demanding it must be read).

7. Never have I ever… Said, ‘You are to come here by the time I count to three. One…two…two and a half…three…Right, I’m going to count to three again. If you don’t come here by THIS count of three, you’ll be going on the naughty step. One…two…two and one sixteenth…two and two sixteenths…’

8. Never have I ever… Called a top and leggings a dress and ‘special tights’ to get a dress-obsessed toddler to wear it.

9. Never have I ever… Pretended to have lost all copies of Cinderella and Peppa Pig, and to have never heard of Topsy and Tim at all.

10. Never have I ever… Hidden the Lego.

11. Never have I ever… Been sent to the naughty step by my toddler.

12. Never have I ever… Answered queries about getting the play doh out with, ‘Que? No hablo ingles.’

13. Never have I ever… Upgraded the status of raisins from ‘dried grapes’ to ‘magical bribes’.

14. Never have I ever… Answered the phone with, ‘Hello? Yes…(No, it’s not Grandad – shh!)…Sorry, could you repeat that…(Shh!)…Sorry, what…(NO YOU CAN’T SPEAK TO GRANDAD! IT’S NOT GRANDAD – IT’S THE OPTICIAN!)’

15. Never have I ever… Sung any song from Mary Poppins in a public place. Whilst marching.

16. Never have I ever… Informed my toddler that he can’t cuddle a pigeon.

17. Never have I ever… Informed a pigeon that it can’t cuddle my toddler.

18. Never have I ever… Occupied my child by giving her a baby wipe/receipt/empty wrapper to play with.

19. Never have I ever… Wondered why I ever bothered to buy any toys, when my child loves her baby wipe/receipt/empty wrapper the most.

20. Never have I ever… Presented my children with a clearly possessed, evil-looking doll that moves during the night, and told them, ‘It’s a fun family Christmas game: please stop screaming.’

 
Right, everyone managed to drink an entire cup of cold tea? You’re welcome.

 
 

(If anyone is wondering, I have done some of these, not all. I’ll let you guess which ones.)

83 comments

  1. Hannah says:

    Love the Never have I ever Parenting version, some great ones, did make me chuckle too! haha

    proud to say the only bum I’ve sniffed in public are my sons bottom, mum point for me haha.

    #bestandworst

  2. ha ha! The snot from the nose one! I can relate when Sylvia had a bead up her nose at A and E and i was made to blow in one nostrell and it was yuck! Lol Angela Milnes

  3. blabbermama says:

    I love this post!!! And hooray for the cold tea. Nobody warned me about the lost teas of parenthood pre pregnancy! I’ve done quite a few of these above. The raisin bribes I’m keeping as a tip for when my son is old enough. #bloggerclubuk and sharing on twitter

  4. Sarah says:

    Never have I ever…taken kids clothes out of the laundry basket, sniffed them and then decided they are still acceptable.

    Never have I ever…hidden in the cupboard to eat something delicious that I don’t want to share with the sprogs.

    #BloggerClubUK

  5. Mudpie Fridays says:

    Ha ha this is brilliant!! Very funny and yes I have never ever done the majority of these …. Although find that cold tea does not have the desired effect whereas a large glass of red does…. Lol!

  6. Emma T says:

    Ha ha, love these. Oh yes definitely have done skipping book pages. Unfortunately my 5yo gets wise to this and decides to turn the pages himself.

  7. Linda Hobden says:

    Ha! Great post …. skipping book pages was my speciality … especially when it’s the tenth time with child no 5 … and you’ve already read the book 40 times in the past with the other 4!

  8. Jessics says:

    This post is so funny. I’m not a parent myself, but some of my friends are and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them in a few of those situations.

  9. Kerry Norris says:

    Hahahaha so funny. I literally did 4 and 5 this morning and I probably do number 1 at least twice a day. Brilliant post x

  10. Oh so so many! I’ve been sent to the naughty corner on numerous occasions by my toddler and he loves a receipt. I have NEVER sucked snot, the thought makes me want to vom in my mouth but I have wiped snot with my finger, pretty much every day. #BloggerClubUK

  11. Saffy says:

    Hahaha. I tried to skip pages in the really boring train book the boy chose at school, but the little sod had already had Daddy read it to him and he remembered that I had skipped the pages about the points and the klaxons and the junctions and the drivers…bah…#chucklemums

  12. Rosemond says:

    It’s amazing the things you do when you have a toddler. I can relate to Mary Poppins, my nephews were obsessed with the movie so we do marched down the street singing along and dancing to it. We are all excited about the new version coming out soon!

  13. Oh Thank you for enabling me to drink a whole cup of tea (well coffee) because I did answer yes to almost all of these especially the cleaning clothes with baby wipes (I would also add furniture walls, a buggy and car seats to that admission) Baby wipes are fab! My favourite was number 3. I’m just picturing you in Costa. ? Thank you for sharing your fab post with us #ablogginggoodtime ?

  14. Emma says:

    Bahahaha loved these the only that hasn’t happened and I am very sad that this has not happened, is for a pigeon to ask me if it can cuddle my toddler. Fingers crossed for that one! #thelist

  15. I can safely say I have never pretended to be a cabbage in costa coffee! And the snot thing, I’ve never sucked it out (vomits) but I have used my fingers then wiped it on my own clothes… (so still pretty gross)
    I enjoyed my cold tea! Thank you! #TheList

  16. Meg says:

    Haha! I’ve done a lot of these (perhaps not the snot sucking though, although I admit to picking stubborn bogeys from my daughters nose because a tissue wasn’t cutting it …!) #picknmix

  17. Lucy says:

    Eeeew – sucking snot from their nose???! Nope!

    But pretty much all the others? Yeah! Let’s get drinking! Haha. Brilliant post #justanotherlinky

  18. ha ha ha ha !! I’m so drunk I need to go have a lie down! So funny – can’t believe that I nodded to them all – oo apart from sucking bogeys from nose!! #KCACOLS

  19. Mrs Tubbs says:

    Just as well it was cold tea as I’d be in charge of a child with a massive hangover tomorrow. And that always go well …Another post that made me snort cold tea down my nose!

  20. Yummyblogger says:

    Haha brilliant… I have done a few of these including cleaning outfits with wet wipes… Giving toddler receipts to play with… And sniffing his bum in public…. Oh and skipping pages in books! A top tip as well as hiding books (or tv programmes in our case) is saying that the characters are sleeping… Works a treat! #KCACOLS

  21. Azaria Lynch says:

    I haven’t quite done all of these but Ailsa is only 15months. There is plenty time yet 😉

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    Azaria- Being Mrs Lynch

  22. Mum in Brum says:

    Haha loved this – I’m so bad at not changing clothes and just wiping them clean, Today I actually didn’t have any wet wipes on me and had to wipe toddler’s snot with my own sleeve x #TheList

  23. Savannah says:

    Haha, this is hilarious!!!
    My boy was a happy spitter for his first 8 months of life, literally spitting up 5+ times a day, so he and I just spent those months smelling of baby stomach, and old milk 😛 #KCACOLS

  24. I would be in such big trouble if I really had to drink anything stronger than tea with this list! LOL Number 6 is my favorite. It happened so often, trying to get them to fall asleep and they wouldn’t and I’d have to read a book again and again and again. I would get so sick of that “one” book! sometimes each page would get only a word or two and I’d turn to the next! Oh do I remember!

  25. Never have I ever changed my husbands details in my phone to ‘SANTA’ and then proceeded to have him ring me from the next room when the children are being nobbers whencefore to put the fear of God into them.

    Nope. Never done that.

    #fridayfrolics

  26. I seem to have performed a large amount of these in some capacity but I’ve never and never ever will suck snot….eeewwww. I’ve definitely partaken in singing the odd Mary Poppins tune but usually within the confines of my own home….I wouldn’t want to scare the wildlife! #Fridayfrolics

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