Perfick: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s Ten Funniest Things feature time again, and Silly Mummy would like to introduce her good friend* The Toddler.

(*See number 3.)

Here she is:

1. On Silly Mummy, positive reinforcement
Silly Mummy is busy putting some things away. The Toddler decides this sort of behaviour is to be encouraged. She decides to offer Silly Mummy some positive reinforcement: ‘Are you helping, Mummy? Oh good girl, Mummy!’

2. On The Baby, whether she’s okay
The Baby is in the cot in the nursery. Silly Mummy and The Toddler are in Silly Mummy’s bedroom. The Toddler declares, ‘Me look that The Baby okay.’ Off she wanders to the nursery, where she can be heard asking, ‘Are you okay, The Baby? Are you okay? The Baby, are you okay?’ Silly Mummy thinks The Toddler’s plan is to keep asking until The Baby can speak. Or learns to hammer out ‘yes, I’m okay, stop bloody asking’ in Morse Code on the cot bars.

3. On herself and Silly Mummy, good friends
The Toddler climbs up on the sofa next to Silly Mummy. She puts her arm around Silly Mummy, and announces, ‘Good friends.’

4. On the time, not being too early
Silly Mummy tells The Toddler it’s bath time. The Toddler says, ‘Do din din first.’ Silly Mummy explains that it is a bit too early for dinner. The Toddler is insistent: ‘No, have din din now.’
‘No, it’s a bit too early for dinner at the moment.’
‘No, not too early!’
‘It is. What time do you think it is?’
‘Um…later!’ Ah, an irrefutable argument: it’s not too early, it’s later.

5. On The Baby, administering discipline to
The Baby has been showing The Toddler affection in her usual manner: through the loving connection of little hand and hair (yes, pulling The Toddler’s hair). The Toddler is not happy. Silly Mummy reminds The Toddler that The Baby thinks she is playing, and doesn’t know that it hurts. Silly Mummy tells The Toddler that we say, ‘No, The Baby, don’t do that, please. That hurts.’ The Toddler marches back to The Baby. She says, ‘The Baby, say sorry! Say sorry, The Baby! Say sorry now!’ The Baby does not say sorry. Silly Mummy can see The Toddler gearing up to try and put The Baby on the naughty step. Silly Mummy explains to The Toddler that The Baby is too young to say sorry. Silly Mummy reiterates that we tell her, ‘No, don’t do that.’ The Toddler is impatient. She is well aware of how to handle these so-called babies, without Silly Mummy wittering on: ‘Shh, Mummy!’ She heads back to The Baby. The Baby has forgotten all about the previous events, and is babbling happily to herself. The Toddler addresses her: ‘The Baby, shh! No, don’t do it, The Baby! Don’t do it! Now go away! Go away now!’ Of course, by this point, The Baby has no idea what she is supposed to not do. However, The Toddler is amusing her, so she giggles and decides to not go away.

6. On Only Fools and Horses, upcoming appearance in
Silly Daddy has been changing The Toddler’s nappy. The Toddler’s verdict? ‘Perfick’. She says ‘perfick’ and calls everyone Dave: Silly Mummy expects the announcement of The Toddler’s debut appearance in Only Fools and Horses any day now.

7. On hide and seek
The Toddler has been refining her hide and seek technique. There are still some areas requiring work. She doesn’t, for example, consider it necessary to inform the other player that they should hide, or indeed that they are involved in a game of hide and seek. Furthermore, when The Toddler hides, she likes to find herself. She likes to ensure she has done this before the seeker reaches number one in their count. However, The Toddler has perfected her version of ‘coming, ready or not’: ‘Come get you, here me come!’

8. On herself, accepting responsibility
Silly Mummy and The Toddler are coming downstairs. The Toddler stumbles slightly. She says, ‘Sorry, Mummy: that’s my fault.’ How awfully polite. She would be rubbish in Lassie, though: ‘I seem to have fallen down a well. I do apologise. Don’t concern yourself: it was my bad.’

9. On Mummy, fixing it
The Baby has ripped a book. Silly Mummy gets the sellotape out and sets about completing the necessary repairs. The Toddler has some words of reassurance: ‘Don’t worry, Mummy: Mummy will fix it!’

10. On helping Mummy to fix it
As Mummy battles on to save the stricken book, all the while fending off the advances of a rabid baby, intent on taking further bites out of the casualty, The Toddler is offering further assistance: ‘Me help!’
Silly Mummy decides The Toddler can help: ‘Can you take The Baby away to play, please?’
The Toddler walks off: ‘No, not doing.’ Thank god you were here, The Toddler!

Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 1: Come On, Guys
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 3: Think So, Mummy
Week 4: Your Emus
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 6: Get On It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me

Super Busy MumYou Baby Me MummyPost Comment LoveLittle Hearts, Big Love
Super Busy MumYou Baby Me MummyPost Comment LoveLittle Hearts, Big Love


    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! Yes, always funny when she tries to take control of The Baby. Especially as The Baby does not care! Thanks for popping by!

  1. These are so funny. Your toddler is a loving sister and daughter, she is going to be so funny! I love the funny about Lassie, she falls down a well and then apologizes, don’t bother saving me, no bother!!! So funny. I bet it’s a laugh a minute at your house, except of course, when it’s not!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Ah, thank you! Yes, she is very funny (most of the time!) Yes, I also love her little random inappropriate apologies for the inconvenience of her having hurt herself – bless her! Thanks for reading!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Haha! I wouldn’t mind the hair pulling so much if it wasn’t actually my hair a lot of the time! Thanks for popping by!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Ah, yes, toddlers the land over can be found trying to discipline baby siblings, & playing hide and seek badly! Thanks for popping by!

  2. Chloe says:

    Hahaha I always love these posts. They make my morning. My daughter has just started to say lots of words and we can’t wait for her silly phrases. I love the daddy changing nappy one and her trying to tell of the baby. So funny! xx #thelist

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! Yes, Daddy is still very amused by the ‘perfick’! It’s great when they get to silly phrases, and copying adult phrases! Thanks for reading!

  3. Shannon says:

    Aw, I’m really looking forward to when my toddler starts speaking. Currently, we’re at one-syllable sounds that only I can understand. “Buh Buh” for banana and “Chuh Chuh” for cheese. No “Mummy” or “Daddy” or anything like that. The girl wants her food.

    I love number three! So sweet!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Aww cute – yeah mine was always mostly about the food too! She learnt some signs before speaking – ‘more’ and ‘food’ were easily her favourite. Always together! If i’m being honest, I was probably mostly her ‘good friend’ because she was after raisins, too! Thanks for popping by!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! How she plays hide and seek keeps changing, but it is always a little bit wrong and totally hilarious! Thanks for popping by!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Haha! Yes, we have had attempts to put The Baby, Mummy & Daddy on the naughty step. Daddy actually went there! Thanks for popping by!

  4. I do love all of the things that The Toddler says – her repeatedly asking “Are you okay, The Baby” made me chuckle – my eldest used to do that too. Her sitting on the sofa and giving Silly Mummy a cuddle whilst announcing “Good friends” is just adorable and I loved The Toddler’s hide and seek technique too. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

    • Silly Mummy says:

      The ‘good friends’ was very sweet. Clearly, concern over the lack of response from babies is widespread in the toddler community! Thanks for hosting!

  5. Anne Sanderson says:

    Wow, each time I come back, after a break from reading this fascinating blog, I’m amazed at the rapid development of both the toddler’s and the baby’s communication skills, and at their mummy’s patience and parenting skills.

    Brilliant, great fun. I still think a weekly column in the Saturday Guardian Family section would be a great success.

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you! They are both developing so fast (& hilariously). Well, I would love it if the Saturday Guardian Family Section thought the same!

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