A little bit late this week (Silly Mummy’s fault, not The Toddler’s – it’s not that she forgot to say anything until Wednesday), it’s the Ten Funniest Things feature.
So, out of breath and a little flustered, Silly Mummy gives you The Toddler:
1. On Silly Mummy, not allowed to comment
Silly Mummy is trying to talk to The Toddler. The Toddler is sick of Silly Mummy’s talking, and lets it be known: ‘Stop commenting!’
2. On paranoia
The Baby is babbling to herself. The Toddler goes over and sticks her face right in The Baby’s: ‘What you saying, The Baby? Are you talking about me, The Baby?’ Well, as they say, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean The Baby’s not talking about you.
3. On cheese, remembering it
Silly Mummy asks The Toddler if she would like some cheese with her lunch. The Toddler replies, ‘Oh, cheese. I remember cheese.’ Ah, yes, my old chum cheese. I remember him well. Fought together in the war, you know. Wonder what old cheese is up to now. Jolly good.
4. On Daddy, bathroom activity
Silly Daddy has made the mistake of spending too long in the bathroom (he’s brushing his teeth). The Toddler has noticed the suspiciously long absence: ‘Daddy might be doing stinky.’
5. On Bamboo? Bambi? Dumbo!
The Toddler has discovered a love of Dumbo, but she can’t remember his name. She is quite excited that her current nappies have elephants on them. During nappy changes she will demand, ‘What’s that?’
Silly Mummy will reply, ‘An elephant.’
The Toddler will giggle and declare, ‘Oh like Bamboo!’ Bamboo? Silly Mummy thinks she is mixing up Dumbo and Bambi. Though this is a little odd: she’s never seen Bambi.
6. On The Baby, offering comfort to
The Baby is crying about something. The Toddler declares that she will be administering cuddles. She crouches down next to The Baby, puts her arms round her, and says soothingly, ‘It’s okay. It doesn’t matter, The Baby.’
7. On counting, three
The Toddler has her numbers board and an important announcement: ‘I going to do countings numbers. Three. Three. Three.’ Apparently, there is a lot of three today. But, wait, what’s this?
‘That one’s not three!’ It’s not three? This is a surprise. What is it, The Toddler? ‘Is…’ The Toddler pauses to consider, Mary Poppins is singing about robins feathering their nests in the background, ‘…Birds, yes!’ Ah, the power of suggestion. Those birds: singing in the threes (sorry)!
8. On yoghurt, not very nice but hers
The Toddler has just finished eating toast for lunch. She says, ‘Yoghurt, please.’ Silly Mummy fetches a yoghurt. The Toddler looks at it: ‘It’s strawberry.’ It’s banana. The Toddler thinks all yoghurts are strawberry.
Silly Mummy says, ‘It’s banana.’
‘Oh nana.’ The Toddler starts eating.
‘It’s not very nice.’ She eats another mouthful.
‘It’s not very nice.’ Another mouthful.
‘It’s not very nice.’ Another mouthful.
‘It’s not very nice.’ The Toddler is giving mixed messages.
Silly Mummy asks, ‘Can I try it, if you don’t like it?’
‘No. It’s my yoghurt.’
Silly Mummy, The Toddler and The Baby are walking along the road. The Toddler suddenly decides to be interested in lamp posts for the first time ever. She comes up against a slight hurdle in her desire to discuss her new find with Silly Mummy when, due to her previous complete disinterest in lamp posts, she realises she does not know what they’re called: ‘Look, Mummy! It’s a big, big…this!’
10. On the problem, what is it
Silly Mummy, on The Toddler’s orders, is searching for a missing toy. Due to the missing nature of the toy, locating the toy is proving rather difficult. The Toddler, however, would like to know what the hold up is: ‘Right then, what’s the problem?’
Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 1: Come On, Guys
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 3: Think So, Mummy
Week 4: Your Emus
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 6: Get On It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 8: Perfick
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me