Say Hello to My Little Friend: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

gift-1306852_1280It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature, where The Toddler is Al Pacino, The Baby is Kevin Costner, and everyone else is ‘Grandad’.

Presenting The Toddler:

1. On ‘say hello to my little friend’

The Toddler is waving her cutlery around and talking to it: ‘They can be friends. Hello, friends.’
Silly Mummy giggles, and starts quoting The Inbetweeners to Silly Daddy: ‘Ooh, friends, cutlery friends!’
The Toddler, meanwhile, has her own quote, suddenly yelling: ‘Say hello to my little…’
Silly Mummy and Silly Daddy stare at each other. She surely can’t be about to entirely inadvertently quote Scarface?
‘…Dominoes!’
Silly Mummy and Silly Daddy collapse in hysterics. So near, and yet so…dominoes.

2. On the purple one

The Toddler has a question: ‘Can you tell me about the purple one?’
Silly Mummy is not entirely sure what The Toddler is talking about, and asks for some simple clarification: ‘What’s the purple one? What does it look like?’
The Toddler has got this: ‘It’s green. And it looks a bit like red.’ Oh. That purple one.

3. On mixed emotions

The Toddler is feeling a bit conflicted: ‘I really like this, but I really don’t like it so much.’

4. On presents

The Toddler is counting tea cups from her tea set with Silly Daddy. She is deliberately doing it wrongly. Silly Daddy informs her that she can have a present if she does it properly. The Toddler counts the cups properly. She awaits her present. Silly Daddy presents her with…the tea cups. The Toddler sighs and rolls her eyes: ‘You tricked me!’ She approaches Silly Daddy, holding out the tea cups. Presumably, she is returning the trick gift? Apparently not: ‘Can you wrap them?’

5. On The Baby, Kevin Costner

The Toddler likes to keep The Baby gainfully employed. Today, The Baby is apparently The Toddler’s bodyguard: ‘You have to stay with me, The Baby. It’s very dangerous out there, so you’ll have to keep an eye on me.’

6. On playing with Silly Daddy

Silly Daddy is tidying away toys. The Toddler and The Baby are ‘helping’. The Toddler comes to report to Silly Mummy in the kitchen: ‘Mummy, we are playing something with Daddy!’
‘Really? What are you playing?’
The Toddler considers: ‘Well…we’ve got no toys…’ When you put it like that, this sounds like the worst game ever.

7. On eating dinner

Silly Daddy is trying to get The Toddler to finish her dinner: ‘You have to eat your vegetables.’
The Toddler has a better idea: ‘Okay, you can eat the rest of it and I’ll watch.’

8. On the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe

Silly Mummy is reading the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe nursery rhyme to The Toddler. The Toddler is scandalised at the old lady’s actions: ‘Sent them to bed?! Outrageous!’

9. On noise

The Toddler is yelling at Silly Mummy: ‘THIS IS NOT ACTUAL NOISY! THIS IS PRETENDING NOISY!’ We need to work on the definition of ‘pretend’. And ‘noise’.

10. On playing nicely

The Toddler and The Baby are busy. The Toddler informs Silly Mummy: ‘I’m playing a game with The Baby, Mummy.’
‘Well, that’s nice. What game are you playing?’
‘Throwing things at her.’
Well, that’s not nice.

 
The Baby’s Corner

The Silly Family are visiting Grandma. So are Auntie and Baby Cousin. The Baby sometimes doesn’t know people’s names, but she has a ‘fit all’ name that she knows will always get her out of trouble. Auntie is leaving the room. The Baby watches her go: ‘Where’s Grandad gone?’ Yep, social etiquette 101: if you forget someone’s name, you can’t go wrong with ‘Grandad’.

 
 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.

 
 
Nominations for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 are open until 31st July. If you find me at all amusing, I would love nominations in the Best Comic Writer category. Nominating is very simple by following the link above. Thank you for reading my shameless begging.

 
 

ethannevelyn

50 comments

  1. Kids really do say the best things! Even at 8 my eldest still has my in stitches with her complete nonsense. Today she was trawling the H&M app for clothes and came across a photo of a boy that only part loaded- “it’s like that because he’s got his willy out”. erm, not sure he has darling!!! #brillblogposts

  2. Ellen says:

    Ah this is adorable and hilarious! How good would a quote from Scarface have been?! My niece called everybody Grandma for a good few months when she was first talking. It was very sweet. #ablogginggoodtime

  3. Rishi Malar says:

    Oh my Goodness! I enjoyed the “How Outrageous” bit! I think I am a “bit” outrageous everyday then. An enjoyable time of the childhood! I have one here too who actually plays the nice game of “throwing things at her elder sister”.

  4. Mummy Fever says:

    We’ve had the mixed emotions as well this week…Monday “I LOVE pasta cabonarra” Friday, made the mistake of making it again “pasta carbonarra is gross” .

    Thanks for linking to #sharewithme please do join in again next week x

  5. Adorable! I cannot wait until my baby gets to this age! They are just the cutest!

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    Rachel xx

  6. Amy says:

    My daughter definitely comes out with some lines that crack me up! Always makes me wonder where she gets them from! #justanotherlinky

  7. I so look forward to seeing what The Toddler and The Baby are up to. Looks like The Baby may be just as humorous as her sister! LOL

    I was rolling so hard when I read “Will you wrap them” and “You eat them and I’ll watch!” Oh my goodness she is a cheeky one, isn’t she?

  8. Honest mum says:

    Haha the throwing things at her game-I know that one thanks to my own kids! Reading this I’m wondering if some days have seem me revert to being a toddler myself!

  9. Alicia Owen says:

    lol She sounds a bit like my 3 year old, especially number 10. Baby sister is only 5 months old and big sister is finally starting to come around some and wanting to pay any attention to her at all. lol Thanks for the laughs!

  10. Hahah absolutely love this! Say Hello to my little DOMINOES! I would have been in complete shock if The Toddler actually said ‘friend.’ I also like the conflicted emotions….The Toddler says it so eloquently too! ; )

    I may have to start using Grandad for when I don’t remember people’s names. Excellent tip! haha Thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

  11. ALL THE LINKIES!

    Our cubs played a similar game with their baby sister. Just before bedtime after I had tidied they decided that Baby Sister needed ALL THE TOYS. ALL OF THEM.

    I like “ooooh! Cutlery friends!”

    #StayClassyMama

  12. Aww bless! What a cutie πŸ™‚ I love all those funny things they come up with at this age – and love that she is keeping Baby employed ha ha πŸ˜€ It is quite funny your little one talks about it being dangerous… My daughter does that too, and often tells me it is dangerous out there, and I should stay and play, not go to work, not go to the kitchen etc… I wonder where that comes from and if lots of kids talk in a similar fashion? #ftmob

  13. The Toddler does make me chuckle with the things she says. Love her cutlery friends and her telling The Baby that she had to stay with The Toddler because it’s dangerous and The Baby has to keep an eye on The Toddler. Her tactic for avoiding eating vegetables is brilliant and her pretending noisy made me laugh too. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob

  14. The toddler is never at a loss for creativity! When my grandson visits we wrap up an endless number of toys and he opens them and we re-wrap them. It is such fun and only limited by the amount of wrapping paper I can keep on hand. Of course when we run out we go for NOISE!!!

  15. sue says:

    Toddlers are adorable with what they say. I love spending time with my 2yo grandson his latest is ‘Oh Man!” and Oh dear! just so cute. #blogsharelove

  16. Rosemond says:

    I so recall those days! They were fun in hindsight and good for you taking them all in and recording them. My favorite were always the eating the veggies comments too! I still have a totally picky eater and she’s a teen!! Argh!

  17. Dara says:

    I need to remember the “throwing things at baby” game. sometimes, I would like to play “throwing things at coworkers”. I will let them know I learned the game here. πŸ™‚

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