Slogans for World War Terrible Twos

Do you ever feel like you’re engaged in toddler warfare? World War Terrible Twos? Help is at hand.

In a war, you need slogans. For public safety and morale, and all that jazz. Now, of course, in this war, no one has time to be coming up with slogans, because…caring for/restraining toddlers here. Fortunately, there is no need to create our own. Many years ago there was a little toddler tyrant who failed to grow out of the terrible twos, leading to Churchill’s government kindly generating a slew of war slogans that can be conveniently amended to address the toddler threat.


Parents of Britain, here are World War Two propaganda slogans tweaked a little to get you through World War Terrible Twos.

1. Careless talk costs lives (You never know who’s listening)

Repetitive talk* costs time. So much time. (Absolutely no one’s listening.)

(*’Where’s Daddy gone? Where’s Daddy gone? Where’s Daddy gone? Where’s cat gone?’)

2. Dig for Victory

Dig for your keys/phone/other vitally important items. In the sandpit/garden/Lego/poo (if you really lucked out).

3. Put that light OUT

Put that cat DOWN!

4. Coughs and sneezes spread diseases

Coughs and sneezes and toddlers spread diseases

5. Up housewives and at ’em

Up parents and at ’em…it’s 4am!

6. V for Victory

‘V for…bus!’
‘Yes, it looks a bit like a bus, doesn’t it? But it’s a van. It’s like a big car. Van. V for…’

7. Mothers, send them out of London

Mothers, send them out of this restaurant. Janet Street Porter is trying to eat, and she doesn’t want to see your children.

8. Fighting Fit

Fighting bedtime, mealtimes, siblings, parents, coats, the cat.

9. Furtive Fritz is always listening: be careful what you say

Furtive toddler is always listening: be careful what you say. That word will be repeated. In the library. Or to the Health Visitor.

10. Women of Britain: come into the factories

Parents of Britain: come into the soft play.

11. Your country needs YOU

Your toddler needs you to give them biscuits. NOW.

12. We beat ’em before, we’ll do it again

We put jam on the cat before, we’ll do it again.

13. Look out in the blackout

‘Look out The Baby is right in front of you! No, right there! Right th…Yes, she’s crying. You stood on her.’

14. Keep calm and carry on

Keep calm and carry raisins.

15. Make do and mend

Make tea and cry.

Finally, Parents of Britain, remember: always be alert…your toddler is in the sudocrem.

BritMumsI am very excited to have been shortlisted in the ‘Writer’ category in the BiB Awards. If you’ve heard of my blog, like my blog, don’t want to vote for someone else in my category, aren’t sick of people asking, and have a minute to spare, I would love your vote! You can vote here.


  1. wendy says:

    LOVE this! All so true. Your cat sounds like it has as hard a life as mine! Leo has just learnt how to ‘hold her’. This post has made me giggle xx #anythinggoes

    • Silly Mummy says:

      Thank you – glad it made you giggle! Poor cat – I am constantly assuring mine that the cat does not want to be held. I quite often have to tell Toddler the same about Baby!

    • Silly Mummy says:

      I think it will be a concern of mine when Toddler starts nursery. Especially after she told a nurse during vaccinations all about her last trip to the doctors: ‘When I hurt my neck. Daddy did it.’ She meant Daddy took her to the doctors – she actually had a skin condition not an injury on her neck.

  2. Emma says:

    Haha this made me laugh. These toddler wars are challenging. To quote Tolstoy “the two most powerful warriors are patience and time!” My toddler needs to learn to be more patient and I need to learn to take my time sometimes and not jump to her biscuit orders so quickly! #fartglitter

  3. Jennifer says:

    I had Furtive Fritz. Always had to be careful what was being said. and not just swearing! Anything you said would be repeated, including any money concerns, etc. Learned quickly.

  4. Alice says:

    Brilliant! They are so good at appearing not to listen to a word you say, whilst betraying you to their teachers/people on the bus/cashiers/anyone who’ll listen…. sneaky.
    x Alice

  5. V is for ‘Bus’! 😀
    When my twins come across a tortoise on TV/person they say ‘Turtle!’

    ‘You see, turtles live in water, but tortoises live on land. They do look very similar though.’

    ‘Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!’

    ‘F it – sure, it’s a turtle.’

  6. Kaye says:

    Haha, perfect, we are definitely currently experiencing the world war terrible two’s aaaah! The worst of it for us is the defiance to bedtime, we certainly need that break when the evenings come around! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays! Kaye xo

  7. Ah……. I remember those days, all too well. For us the 2’s were okay, a bit rough, but the 3’s, they were the worst, the absolute worst. Furniture and rugs were ruined, televisions blew up, hospital visits, the works! ARG!

    And Number one on your list I remember vividly. It still happens today. “Mom, Mom, Mom, MOm, MOM, MOM, MOM” I swear I am changing my name and I’m not telling them what it is! LOL

  8. What a brilliant post!

    I especially liked number 7 😉
    Its hard enough being a parent without people like Janet Street Porter telling us we should stay indoors, essentially under house arrest, and not go out for meals as a family until our children are 16.

  9. Pingback: Friday Frolics
  10. Pen says:

    All brilliant. I have just spent the day with Cygnet. I was worried he would never stop whining, and I would never get my glass of wine. Thanks for making me giggle. Pen x #FridayFrolics

  11. Donna Parker says:

    I remember those days well, surprisingly enough I rather miss them which seems odd, but life is funny that way . So delightful and clever. Dropped over from #FridayFrolics and glad I did. 🙂 Keep Calm and Two On

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