Somethin’ Stupid (or Ballad of the Tinder Girl)

Today, I have written a parody to honour the undisputed person of the week: the woman who managed to go on a tinder date, throw her poo into the abyss between an internal window and the wall at her date’s house, get wedged upside down in the gap trying to retrieve the poo, and have to be rescued by the fire-brigade, wrecking the poor date’s house in the process. If you have managed to miss this epic tale of romance and poo, I suggest you read it. Because, well, she got stuck in a window trying to retrieve her own poo. In every sense, you cannot make this shit up.

So here is my parody of Somethin’ Stupid for Liam’s unfortunate date.

 
 
Somethin’ Stupid

 
I know I’m swiping left until you think you have the time
To go to Nandos with me
And if we go to yours for wine, I know that there’s a chance
I’ll need the lavatory
And afterwards you’re watching a Scientology documentary by Louis Theroux
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I can see it in your eyes
That you have never had a date who threw her poo before
And though there was a window there, that much is true
It didn’t actually lead outside at all

 
I practice gymnastics, I can fit into that gap and find some way
To retrieve the poo that I threw
But then I think I’m stuck in here head first still just trying to reach my poo
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I threw my poo
I threw my poo
I threw my poo

 
I threw my poo

15 comments

  1. “I threw a poo” arrrrrrrrrrrgh! I love this, not the poo. If I had been her (not that I would ever throw a poo out of a window, I did poo in a bidet once but I was 4 or 3) I would have done a runner. To have to admit to throwing a poo. I wonder if they went for a number 2 (date of course 😉 ) #FridayFrolics

  2. Mama Grace says:

    I saw this. I still don’t believe it and think it was constructed in some way. Why would you throw it and then after dealing with it come clean, for no reason at all? Also to a date. I love your ballad though. #FridayFrolics

  3. Oh I saw that headline…poor, poor girl! She will never be allowed to forget this. Can you imagine if they stay together and that’s their story?! Haha “How I met your mother….” brilliant. #fridayfrolics

  4. Lee Gaitan says:

    OMG, this is so brilliant and hilarious!! How did you ever come up with it? Now, I swear to you, this is not about me, but I actually know someone who did something as bad as the Tinder-poop woman. She and a newish boyfriend spent the night on his boat which was docked. He told her they could not flush the toilet while they were in port. She woke up early in the morning and had to go. After she did, she was embarrassed thinking about him seeing her poop…and thought she could dispose of it down the sink drain. Big mistake. Long story short–smooshed and smeared all over the sink and no way to cover her tracks. She panicked, grabbed her things, ran off the boat, caught a cab and never saw or spoke to the guy again. I can only imagine what he thought when he woke up to that!!!

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