Tagged Baby Jake

The Toddler Visits Nursery School

The Toddler has been to visit the local infant school’s nursery, where we hope to enrol her from September.

Probably no one will be surprised to hear that The Toddler was very taken with nursery school. Or her new Kingdom, as she likes to think of it. Very thoughtfully, the teacher had laid out numerous toys and activities for The Toddler. There were some other, bigger, children, who seemed to feel that the activities may, in fact, have been for them. The Toddler was not phased by this. She took the ‘childrens’ under her wing.

The Toddler played with the oats that were in one of the sandpits (the children had been reading The Magic Porridge Pot, and were therefore playing with oats and also making porridge as one of the other activities). She did some puzzles. She introduced The Baby to everybody, but apparently decided her own name would be a closely guarded secret. She got to work in the Three Little Pigs construction area. She inspected the toilets and washed her hands. She made a valiant, but ultimately unsuccessful, attempt to persuade one of the nursery assistants that painting should become an activity for the day. She positioned herself right in front of the microwave while the porridge was being made, watching intently (this was mostly because she believed it was a TV). She thankfully did not notice the bowl of fruit, and therefore there remained a bowl of fruit, and not a bowl of apple and pear cores, when we left.

The Baby was involved in an oat related altercation with an older boy, but enjoyed drawing with her fingers on the big interactive screen. She did not enjoy being removed from the big interactive screen when it was time to go.

The children at the nursery were, to be completely honest, much more excited about the presence of The Baby in their class, than they were about The Toddler. They were all very eager to talk about how they had baby sisters. Their baby sisters all appeared to be called Bella. Perhaps it was the same baby sister. Maybe they were all siblings: a nursery class consisting of Baby Jake’s family.

All in all, the visit was a great success. The Toddler entered and declared that she would be painting now. The Baby declared that the picture of Snow White on the wall was The Toddler (she does have a Snow White costume). All of the bigger children, showing remarkable intuition about her character, declared that The Toddler was not to eat the play oats.

Children’s TV: I Have Some Questions

children-403582_1920 So, I now see rather a lot of children’s television, and I have some questions. 21 to be exact.

 
Peppa Pig
1. Why would Mummy Pig climb a blackberry bush? Who climbs blackberry bushes?

2. Will children be more upset when they discover Father Christmas is not real, or when they discover what would really have happened to Pedro Pony when he broke his leg?

3. Why are everyone’s eyes on the same side of their heads? More importantly, what is on the other side?

CBeebies
4. Why do the CBeebies presenters have a baby?

5. Where did the CBeebies presenters get a baby from?

6. Do the authorities know the CBeebies presenters have a baby?

7. Where do the CBeebies presenters keep the baby?

8. Does the CBeebies baby like it in her drawer?

Topsy and Tim
9. Why didn’t Topsy and Tim retain its original title, Village of the Damned 2: The Midwich Cuckoos Bred?

Baby Jake
10. Why don’t Baby Jake’s family have some kind of child safe window guards or latches, given that they live in a windmill (and seem to spend an inordinate amount of time encouraging a multitude of children to lean out of the windows)? What kind of a safety message is this sending out to all the other ten children families living in windmills?

11. Why do Baby Jake’s family live in a windmill?

Mr Bloom
12. How is Mr Bloom ‘all about and everywhere’? Is Mr Bloom a god?* Father Christmas?

(*Please note, this is rhetorical. I do not want to hear personal views on the whether Mr Bloom is a god, as I find it upsetting.)

 
Woolly and Tig
13. Does anyone ever wash Woolly? Apparently, the average cuddly toy, engaging in average cuddly toy activities, is filthy and full of bacteria. I can only assume Woolly is probably carrying bubonic plague by now.

Waybuloos
14. Why? That is all.

In the Night Garden
15. Why do the Tombliboos trousers matches their arses?

16. Why do the Tombliboos bother to wear trousers?

17. Why don’t the Tombliboos lend their pointless trousers too Upsy Daisy, who can’t keep her dress down?

18. Why do the Ninky Nonk and the Pinky Ponk randomly change size? I was going to say it’s like being in a dream. That may be why. Scratch this one.

19. Who thought Makka Pakka was a good idea for a name in a programme aimed at children who are just learning to talk and prone to mispronunciation?

20. I know people have asked before, but is Iggle Piggle dead?

Mr Tumble
21. Why did nobody question whether having Mr Tumble ask children to look for his ‘three special things’ was the best way to phrase it?

 
 

(Please note: there are, of course, so many questions about Sarah and Duck, but I have covered these before. In some detail. I have therefore decided not to fall down that particular rabbit hole again. Too stressful…Wandering about with a duck, I ask you…No. Must stop.)

It’s Too Scary!

As it’s Halloween, I have decided to share a few of the things The Toddler has declared to be ‘too scary’ since she learnt the phrase ‘too scary’.

1. Trolls
Particularly the troll in Enchanted. Or the ‘dunk dunk’, as The Toddler used to – and sometimes still does – call him (took some time to work out that came from the noise she thinks it makes). The troll is often declared to be scary. The Toddler likes to chatter about the troll: ‘She saw a troll, didn’t she? I don’t like troll. Bit scary.’ Fair enough. Trolls are not usually nice characters. That said, the troll in Enchanted is a fairly benevolent troll, despite attempts to eat people. The Evil Queen, in my opinion, is much scarier. She does evil magic, appears in clouds of smoke and sinister music*, turns into a dragon, tries to kill people. How does The Toddler feel about the Evil Queen? She loves her. Every time she appears, The Toddler excitedly shouts: ‘The Evil Queen! The Evil Queen is coming! Look, Mummy, it’s the Evil Queen! I like Evil Queen!’

*Though The Toddler seems to have some funny ideas about what constitutes sinister music – see number 4.

 
2. Giant spiders
There are halloween decorations in the shopping mall, hanging from the ceilings. The Toddler loves them. Mostly. She loves the creepy cobweb chandelier. She has to dance under it (to the accompaniment of funny looks from confused passers-by). She loves the ghosts and the giant pumpkin. Following her under chandelier spinning, she announces: ‘Giant pumpkin! Are we going to see giant pumpkin?’ Then come the giant spiders. The Toddler does not like the giant spiders. However, she tends to forget this fact: ‘Look, Mummy, it’s spiders! I’m going to see spiders…No, I don’t like it! Too scary!’

3. Balloons Popping
Just to be clear, this is not balloons actually popping, oh no. No. There is a balloon tied to the railing of the room divider. The Toddler has decided it is like those balls on rope for children to swing on at soft play centres, and that is what she is trying to do. With a balloon. On a string. Tied to a railing. I point out that the balloon is likely to pop, and she won’t like that. I am informed that warnings about the balloon popping are ‘too scary’.

4. A random song from a musical
Silly Daddy has found a songs from musicals and movies radio station. This has, unsurprisingly, been popular. Until one particular song. Now, I don’t know what this song is from. I am not much of a musicals fan, really. The important point is that it isn’t remotely scary. Nothing sinister. It isn’t from Sweeney Todd*. Or even Blood Brothers**. No, this is a totally innocuous, saccharine song from a musical. One that sounds like any innocuous, saccharine musical song. The Toddler whimpers: ‘Too scary! Turn it off! Too scary!’

*’Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd/He served a dark and a vengeful god’
Now, this is an understandably creepy musical song.

**’Now you know the devil’s got your number/You know he’s gonna find you/You know he’s right behind you/He’s staring through your windows/He’s creeping down the hall’
I mean, no one needs to find out through the medium of a musical that the devil is on some kind of register and probably has his relationships monitored by the authorities, right? You can’t trust anyone these days, even the root of all evil. I may have gone off topic.

 
5. Baby Jake
Not the awful animated version, with the picture of the real baby’s head (and *shiver* animated mouth), that is clearly the stuff of nightmares. No. She’s fine with that abomination. She doesn’t like the real Baby Jake at the end. He’s ‘scary’. Perhaps over the course of the programme she becomes convinced that babies are supposed to have a cartoon body, a photograph of a real baby for a head, and what I am fairly sure is the Cheshire Cat’s mouth.