Tagged Ben and Holly

The Princess and The Toddler

grace-kelly-394485_1280The Toddler (sadly, from Silly Mummy’s point of view) is a big fan of princesses. She obtains most of her princess information from Disney films, but today is expanding her field of knowledge to include real princesses.

Of course, Silly Mummy starts with Princess Grace of Monaco, the closest any real person will ever be to a Disney princess. The Toddler likes Princess Grace. She wore pretty clothes and was beautiful. However, there seems to be some mix up with Ben and Holly, as The Toddler insists: ‘And can you show me her elf?’ Yes, The Toddler has confused real princesses with fairy princesses, and therefore believes they must have an elf. Putting aside many issues relating to The Toddler’s grasp on reality, this does also raise questions about what The Toddler believes Ben Elf’s relationship to Princess Holly is. Evidently, she believes princesses own elves. Does she consider poor old Ben to be Holly’s pet?

Attempts to show The Toddler Princess Grace’s prince are abandoned when Silly Mummy looks more closely at the picture she is waving at The Toddler and concludes it was probably from Grace Kelly’s Hollywood days, not her princess days. On account of the man appearing to be Clark Gable, not Prince Rainier of Monaco. Easy mistake to make. In fairness, The Toddler would not have challenged it.

Moving on from Princess Grace, The Toddler is shown a picture of a young Princess Elizabeth and Princess Margaret. The Toddler, presumably thinking about her own sister, points at Princess Margaret, and says, ‘And is that the naughty sister?’ Silly Mummy snorts at the accidental accuracy of this question, and considers showing her a picture of Edward VIII just to see what would happen. But then it would be a little worrying if she did ask: ‘And is that the Nazi uncle?’

Princesses Beatrice, Eugenie and Anne do not impress The Toddler – they are not wearing suitably princess-y dresses. Princess Charlotte causes some confusion, as she appears, in The Toddler’s opinion, to be a baby.

Silly Mummy’s princess knowledge exhausted, help in locating princesses is sought from Google. Some of the European princesses are deemed to be acceptable by The Toddler, but she has one key question about each one: ‘Can she dance with a dress?’ (We’ve moved on from fairy princesses, who own elves, to Cinderella, whose purpose is to get a new dress and attend a ball.)

Silly Mummy feels that enough princesses have been looked at. The Toddler objects: she is looking at princesses. Silly Mummy points out that she is not, in fact, looking at princesses anymore. Silly Mummy is looking at princesses (not a favoured hobby of Silly Mummy’s), while The Toddler runs around the room, ignoring princesses, and screeching, ‘Can she dance with a dress?’

Silly Mummy refusing to view more princesses, The Toddler announces: ‘Then I need to see Daddy’s princesses.’ (Silly Daddy looked rather shifty, but the question of who his princesses are, and where he keeps them, has still not been answered.)

That’s Bonkers: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

baby-215867_1280It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature, and we’re a little bonkers (but all the best people are). This week, The Toddler would like you to stop fussing, while The Baby would like it to be known that this post is hers, not yours.

Here’s The Toddler:

1. On Silly Mummy, too fussy

The Toddler has decided to pour her water onto her toast to ‘cool it down’. Silly Mummy objects to this plan of action. The Toddler thinks Silly Mummy is overreacting: ‘Oh Mummy, stop fussing, Mummy! I always pour water.’ (She does not in fact always pour water on her toast. This idea has not been trialed before.)

2. On Silly Mummy’s suggestions, bonkers

Silly Mummy has made a suggestion that The Toddler has some doubts about. Doubts that she subtly voices: ‘That’s bonkers!’

3. On cleaning the bathroom

The Toddler likes Silly Mummy to do cleaning and tidying in the bathroom while she has a bath. She is in her bath: ‘Mummy, can you do the cleaning?’
Silly Mummy knows her place: ‘Yes, I’ll get right on to it.’
The Toddler nods, and picks up her duck: ‘And I’ll get right on to toys.’
Silly Mummy can’t help but feel that she has drawn the short straw here in the division of labour. Nonetheless, the cleaning and tidying is started. A short while later, Silly Mummy declares: ‘Right, I’ve finished the cleaning.’
The Toddler looks around: ‘You need to do it again.’

4. On being angry

Silly Mummy has told The Toddler she can’t do something, and The Toddler is not happy: ‘I’m very, very angry, and I’m going to throw Mummy away!’

5. On changing her mind

The Toddler has been asked to come to the bathroom. Halfway there, she changes her mind and suddenly stops, announcing: ‘I think not.’ With that, The Toddler marches back to the living room.

6. On making tea

The Toddler has made Silly Mummy a nice (*ahem*) cup of tea: ‘Mummy, I’ve just made you a cup of tea…and there’s a scrambled egg in it. But it’s a bit dirty.’

7. On being informed

Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler to see if The Baby wants to eat her dinner. The Toddler reports back: ‘She’s been formed into me, no.’ (Silly Mummy thinks that’s ‘informed me’.)

8. On her day, not good

The Toddler has received some bad news. She is not allowed to pour bath water all over the bathroom. She admonishes Silly Mummy, the bearer of this news: ‘I’m not having a good day with you, Mummy.’

9. On dealing with estate agents

The Toddler is ‘helping’ the estate agent who is at the house. By talking to him incessantly while he tries to get on with his job. Silly Mummy attempts to intervene: ‘The Toddler, can you go and watch Ben and Holly, please?’
The Toddler turns to Silly Mummy: ‘No, I’m just dealing with something. You watch Ben and Holly.’

10. On Abney and Teal, bonking

Silly Mummy enters the living room, to be confronted by The Toddler shouting, ‘Mummy, are they bonking? Are they bonking?’ Erm, what?! Hasty investigation from Silly Mummy establishes that The Toddler is talking about Abney and Teal on CBeebies. Who are bouncing. Bouncing.

 
The Baby’s Corner

The Baby has learnt the phrase ‘mine, not yours’ (Silly Mummy can’t imagine who she might have learnt that from). She is now in the toy aisle at the supermarket, chatting with other children. Okay, not chatting, exactly. More waiting until they touch a toy, and then pointing her finger at them and yelling: ‘Mine, not yours!’

 
 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.

 
 

My Random Musings