I have seen lots of birth plans. Lovely birth plans. Birth plans made by people who have conscientiously researched and deliberated in order to plan for the best birth possible. Hypnobirthing, home water births, doulas. I’m very impressed by these plans, but they do make me wonder if there are other people like me out there. People who didn’t exactly, well, bother.
Am I the only person whose interest in the birth plan was somewhat, um, limited? Anyone? Rubbish pregnant women of the world: unite! Please.
Maybe I’m a bit negative, or a bit lazy, but it seemed to me that the birth was going to happen anyway, and be unpleasant anyway, so I kind of didn’t bother much with the plans for it.
My birth plan was primarily for the baby to exit my person. Preferably without anaesthetics (I’m scared of anaesthetics).
Now, I’m not entirely useless: I did give some consideration to the details. In so far as I filled out the NHS birth plan you can get online. Well, I say I filled it out. For the most part, I looked at it and thought, ‘How should I bloody know if I will want a ball, or am going to stand up? I don’t know what I’ll feel like at the time.’
My birth plans therefore read as follows: don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, NO EPIDURAL, don’t know, don’t know, don’t care, couldn’t give a rat’s arse, yes to random injections for everyone as required (as long as they’re not secretly epidurals), don’t care, don’t know.
To my knowledge, no one ever looked at my birth plans, so I’m quite glad I didn’t make the effort. As it turns out, to the extent that I made birth plans, they were entirely realistic and followed to a tee – the babies came out. That’s a win for the rubbish pregnant women, right? Right?
I am very excited to have been shortlisted in the ‘Writer’ category in the BiB Awards. If you’ve heard of my blog, like my blog, don’t want to vote for someone else in my category, aren’t sick of people asking, and have a minute to spare, I would love your vote! You can vote here.