A bit late this week (due to Silly Mummy – The Toddler didn’t shockingly decide she was having a quiet week), it is time for the Ten Funniest Things feature. We have accidental bottom inspections, a bit of Christmas, and The Toddler is offering her opinion.
Without further ado, The Toddler:
1. On the contents of her nose
Silly Mummy goes to get The Toddler out of the car. The Toddler has something in her hand. She holds it out: ‘Can you take this?’ Silly Mummy trustingly puts out her own hand, and The Toddler places something sticky in it: ‘I think it’s from my nose.’
2. On Father Christmas’ biscuits, eating them
Silly Mummy is explaining to The Toddler that, on Christmas Eve, she should put out milk and biscuits for Father Christmas. Part of this gets The Toddler’s attention: ‘Ooh biccies! I’d like to eat them.’
Silly Mummy perseveres: ‘You can’t eat them – they’re for Father Christmas.’
The Toddler also perseveres: ‘I think I’ll just have a little bit, then.’
Silly Mummy stands firm: ‘They’re not for you. They’re for Father Christmas.’
The Toddler compromises: ‘Okay, I think I’ll just have Mummy’s choccies.’
Hmm…you’d like to eat Father Christmas’ biscuits, you say?
3. On Dave
We have seen the return of randomly calling people ‘Dave‘ this week, during a visit by a BT engineer. Said engineer goes upstairs to check some cable. The Toddler is concerned about this sudden departure: ‘Where’s Dave gone?’ As far as Silly Mummy is aware, he isn’t called Dave. At least, he wasn’t when he entered the house.
4. On Christmas, not being ready
The Toddler comes downstairs in the morning to discover Silly Mummy has put up the Christmas decorations: ‘What have you make? It’s christmas! What have you make? You made Christmas! I’m not ready!’ She does not clarify in what way she feels unready. Perhaps she hoped to meet the decorations dressed as a reindeer.
5. On being impressed
The Toddler has come over all Masterchef this week. Silly Mummy hands her a snack: ‘I like this one. I’m very impressed.’
6. On her church building work
The Toddler is travelling in the car. She points out of the window and announces: ‘Look at that big mountain!’
Silly Mummy looks: ‘That’s a church. It’s not a mountain. It’s a big building. It’s very tall, isn’t it?’
Always one to take credit where it isn’t due, The Toddler agrees: ‘Yes, I think I made it taller.’
7. On people being wrong about her
Silly Mummy is mildly chastising The Toddler for a bit of naughty behaviour. The Toddler is not standing for it: ‘You’re wrong about me!’
8. On being shy
The Toddler is meeting Father Christmas soon. The Toddler likes to meet people. The Baby does not. The Toddler considers that this might be an issue: ‘I think The Baby might be a bit shy.’
Silly Mummy agrees: ‘I think she might. Can you say hello to Father Christmas for her? Can you tell him her name?’
The Toddler has sudden concerns about this course of action: ‘I think I might be a bit shy.’
Silly Mummy snorts: ‘I don’t think you’re a bit shy!’
The Toddler disagrees: ‘I think I are a bit shy.’
9. On buttons, not to be confused with bottoms
The Toddler is in a dark corridor with ultraviolet lights at the aquarium. She is excited by everyone’s white items of clothing glowing. Grandma attempts to show her how the buttons on the front of Auntie’s coat are glowing: ‘Look at Auntie’s buttons, The Toddler.’
The Toddler inexplicably disappears around the back of Auntie, where she closely inspects Auntie’s backside: ‘Oh yes, there’s her bottom. It is her bottom.’ You may have misheard, The Toddler.
10. On muffins, in her opinion
Silly Mummy is eating a muffin. The Toddler asks to try a piece. She looks at the muffin and says, ‘I think it’s a cake.’ Silly Mummy agrees that muffins are like cakes. The Toddler eats a bit and revises her original comment: ‘Well, in my opinion, it’s not a cake.’ This may well be the greatest thing she has ever said (in my opinion).