Tagged CBeebies

Off With My Head: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

Time again for the Ten Funniest Things feature. This week, The Toddler is a strict disciplinarian with a boring cough. Meanwhile, over in The Baby’s corner, she has certainly not been shopping for dinner.

Over to The Toddler:

1. On discovering and doing

The Toddler is listening to the Cbeebies Discover and Do song, and she objects.
Cbeebies presenter (singing): ‘Discover and do, discover and do, all the day through…’
The Toddler: ‘No, I don’t want to do that!’

2. On discipline

The Toddler is attempting to discipline The Baby again. The Baby is being escorted towards the naughty step: ‘You stay there for 100 years!’ That seems a little excessive. Silly Mummy thinks that The Toddler is now taking her disciplinary procedures from Maleficent.

3. On her head, off with it

The Toddler is also taking quite an extreme approach to disciplining herself (and entirely misunderstanding the methods of the Queen of Hearts), as she marches around the living room, yelling: ‘Off with MY head!’
(Henry VIII would not have got through nearly so many wives if he’d taken that approach…)

4. On being busy

The Baby is trying to show The Toddler something, but The Toddler is very busy: ‘I have no time for this, The Baby, at moment. I have important work to do.’

5. On coughs, boring

The Toddler is coughing, but is under no illusions as to how interesting this is: ‘My cough is bit boring.’

6. On lollipops, licey

The Toddler is offering tasty treats to the household today: ‘Do you want some lice lollipop? You lick it.’

7. On Silly Mummy, what she wants

A very generous The Toddler is offering Silly Mummy items of her choice. Anything Silly Mummy wants, apparently. The Toddler is not taking no for an answer. She’s quite insistent.
The Toddler: ‘What do you want?’
Silly Mummy: ‘Nothing, thank you.’
The Toddler: ‘Do you want something else?’
Silly Mummy: ‘No, thank you, I don’t need anything.’
The Toddler: ‘What do you want?’
Silly Mummy: ‘Nothing, thank you very much, sweetheart.’
The Toddler (after a pause): ‘…What do you want then?’

8. On biscuits v pirate ships

The Toddler is attempting to comfort a crying The Baby. With a frankly bizarre range of choices: ‘Do you want biccy or pirate ship?’

9. On The Baby, very rude

The Baby is running around with the roof from The Toddler’s wooden train, and The Toddler is scandalised: ‘I think The Baby took it away from my train. Cos The Baby was very rude to me!’

10. On books, too froggy

The Toddler and The Baby have a bath book featuring a duck and a frog. The Toddler has it and The Baby wants to take a look. The Toddler feels this is not a good idea. She has some concerns about unsuitable frog-related content: ‘It’s not good for you, The Baby: it’s too froggy.’

 
The Baby’s Corner

The Baby has been to the supermarket with Silly Daddy, and now she is waiting in her highchair for dinner. Silly Mummy is chatting with her: ‘Did you go shopping with Daddy? What did you get?’
The Toddler interjects: ‘The Baby got all the recipes for the din dins.’
The Baby does not agree, she shakes her head vigorously and waves her hands about: ‘No! No!’
Silly Mummy asks for confirmation: ‘Did you? Did you get all the bits for din din?’
The Baby is irate, there is more head shaking and arm waving: ‘No. NO DIN DINS!’
(This is disappointing news, as Silly Mummy and The Toddler are waiting for that dinner The Baby definitely did not get with Daddy.)

 
 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.

Children’s TV: I Have Some Questions

children-403582_1920 So, I now see rather a lot of children’s television, and I have some questions. 21 to be exact.

 
Peppa Pig
1. Why would Mummy Pig climb a blackberry bush? Who climbs blackberry bushes?

2. Will children be more upset when they discover Father Christmas is not real, or when they discover what would really have happened to Pedro Pony when he broke his leg?

3. Why are everyone’s eyes on the same side of their heads? More importantly, what is on the other side?

CBeebies
4. Why do the CBeebies presenters have a baby?

5. Where did the CBeebies presenters get a baby from?

6. Do the authorities know the CBeebies presenters have a baby?

7. Where do the CBeebies presenters keep the baby?

8. Does the CBeebies baby like it in her drawer?

Topsy and Tim
9. Why didn’t Topsy and Tim retain its original title, Village of the Damned 2: The Midwich Cuckoos Bred?

Baby Jake
10. Why don’t Baby Jake’s family have some kind of child safe window guards or latches, given that they live in a windmill (and seem to spend an inordinate amount of time encouraging a multitude of children to lean out of the windows)? What kind of a safety message is this sending out to all the other ten children families living in windmills?

11. Why do Baby Jake’s family live in a windmill?

Mr Bloom
12. How is Mr Bloom ‘all about and everywhere’? Is Mr Bloom a god?* Father Christmas?

(*Please note, this is rhetorical. I do not want to hear personal views on the whether Mr Bloom is a god, as I find it upsetting.)

 
Woolly and Tig
13. Does anyone ever wash Woolly? Apparently, the average cuddly toy, engaging in average cuddly toy activities, is filthy and full of bacteria. I can only assume Woolly is probably carrying bubonic plague by now.

Waybuloos
14. Why? That is all.

In the Night Garden
15. Why do the Tombliboos trousers matches their arses?

16. Why do the Tombliboos bother to wear trousers?

17. Why don’t the Tombliboos lend their pointless trousers too Upsy Daisy, who can’t keep her dress down?

18. Why do the Ninky Nonk and the Pinky Ponk randomly change size? I was going to say it’s like being in a dream. That may be why. Scratch this one.

19. Who thought Makka Pakka was a good idea for a name in a programme aimed at children who are just learning to talk and prone to mispronunciation?

20. I know people have asked before, but is Iggle Piggle dead?

Mr Tumble
21. Why did nobody question whether having Mr Tumble ask children to look for his ‘three special things’ was the best way to phrase it?

 
 

(Please note: there are, of course, so many questions about Sarah and Duck, but I have covered these before. In some detail. I have therefore decided not to fall down that particular rabbit hole again. Too stressful…Wandering about with a duck, I ask you…No. Must stop.)

We Are Not a Stinker: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s Ten Funniest Things time. Last week started quietly, but Silly Mummy is pleased to say that The Toddler stepped up her game, pulled it out of the bag, and turned into Queen Victoria. As you do.

So please curtesy for Queen Toddler:

1. On cooking and the Can Can
The Toddler has a new television obsession. She enjoys ‘Can Can Cook’.* This is obviously that CBeebies programme where Katy teaches us how to make risotto whilst wearing a frilly dress and performing a high-kicking French dance. It’s an innovative idea, but only for the very coordinated among us.

(*She means ‘I Can Cook‘, which Silly Mummy now realises is disappointingly lacking in anyone doing the Can Can.)

 
2. On the royal we
The Toddler has a new identity. As Queen Victoria. She has done a poo and Silly Mummy says, ‘I think you’re a stinker.’
The Toddler replies with the royal we: ‘We are not a stinker, are we?’ Silly Mummy believes we are a stinker, but we are certainly not amused. (See what we did there?)

3. On one’s boots
Further to the above, The Toddler apparently also now receives her shoes in a manner befitting her new role as Queen Victoria: ‘There’s one’s boots.’

4. On eating The Baby’s food
The Toddler has just finished her lunch. The Baby is still eating in the high chair. The Toddler says, ‘May I go and see The Baby?’
Silly Mummy has some experience with the possible motivation behind this request: ‘Yes, but please don’t take her food. Let her eat her food.’
The Toddler nods, ‘Okay.’ She pauses. ‘I might have a little bit.’ It was not a suggestion, The Toddler!

5. On thank you, sooooo much
The Toddler’s usual form of showing gratitude is now: ‘Thank you. Thank you sooooo much.’ Is she really, really grateful? Or is she really sarcastic? Did anyone watch Father Ted? Remember Father Jack’s tone when he was doing an exaggerated, sarcastic thank you? It’s exactly that tone. Yep: she’s sarcastic, isn’t she?

6. On herself, only little
Silly Mummy is explaining to The Toddler why she can’t eat a whole rock bun: ‘That’s a grown up size portion of cake. You’re only little.’
The Toddler decides to concede the point: ‘Yes, I am a bit little.’

7. On The Baby, how she should eat
The Toddler is offering advice and instruction to The Baby on an area in which she has great expertise: eating. She is pointing at The Baby’s mouth, and explaining exactly what she should do: ‘Eat it very properly.’

8. On naughty penguins/oranges
The Toddler is pushing around a toy shopping trolley. She brings it over to Silly Mummy and opines, ‘That one’s being naughty!’ She points at a plastic orange (which does its best to look innocent), and continues, ‘That penguin!’ Well, that is a naughty penguin, living a double life as an orange. Thank god The Toddler can see through its web of deception to the (naughty) penguin within.

9. On supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
The Toddler’s love of Mary Poppins has still not abated, and she continues to attempt to learn to say ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’. She has made progress, and can now say about half of the word, but she is using it in a rather odd context. The Baby has taken one of The Toddler’s toys: ‘Give it back, The Baby! Supercalifragilistic you!’ It is possible she thinks supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a threat. Or voodoo.

10. On reading
The Toddler picks up one of Silly Mummy’s books: ‘Right then, Mummy’s book. Right then, let’s read this.’ Following this pep talk, The Toddler starts turning pages. After a few pages, she looks up and says sadly, ‘I’m not very well at reading books.’

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 13: I’m Not a Hufflepuff
Week 14: Childrens

ABCs

ABCThe Toddler likes the alphabet at the moment. The alphabet is the new numbers. She repeats to herself, ‘A…B…C…A…B…C.’ Occasionally, she throws in ‘D’.

The ABC song is on the TV. The Toddler is watching and bouncing along. Silly Mummy says, ‘Are you doing your ABCs?’ The Toddler stops what she is doing and looks at Silly Mummy. She puts on her best humouring Silly Mummy voice and replies, ‘No: CBeebies!’ Silly Mummy.