Tagged Children’s books

The Cat in the Is That a HAT?*

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(* Or: What on Earth is Happening in The Cat in the Hat?)

 

As we sat all alone
In our house for the day,
We wondered was it legal
For our mother to leave us this way?

We are after all only four and a half.
Social Services would not like it.
Not one little bit.

We did not roll in jam
Or paint on the wall.
Despite being left unattended at four,
Quite inexplicably we did nothing at all.

Then a cat came on in.
(Was that cat wearing a hat?)
Did our mother even lock the door?
Seems like bad parenting, that.

Our fish was upset
But his priorities were wrong.
Never mind the cat in the house:
Where had our mother gone?

Undeterred by the lack of an opposable thumb,
The cat began juggling with…
Is that a rake? Where did that come from?

Then our fish was dropped into a pot.
Did the lack of oxygen stop him from moaning?
Why, no, it did not.

So our fish could not breathe,
But still kept on telling
That cat he must leave.

The cat would not leave, he put up a fight.
Perhaps he’s a squatter.
It would serve our mother right.

No, the cat would not go
(Seriously, was that a hat),
And he brought out two Things.
Well, just fancy that.

What the hell were those Things?
No, really: animal, plant or mineral?
And how did they fly those kites in the house
Where there’s no wind at all?

Then our fish saw our mother on her way home.
So we had to capture those Things and throw out the cat.
Tidy the house and…
Why was he wearing a hat?

Luckily, it took our mother some time from window to door.
We were able to remove the cat (and his hat)
With no sign at all.

Our mother came in, opening the door with a creak.
She asked us, ‘Did you have fun?’
What a cheek!
What a cheek!
What a cheek!

Child abandonment.
A cat with a hat.
And those Things were quite strange,
We’re sure about that.

Should we report her?
What should we do?
Does this story really
Seem normal to you?