Tagged Clocks

Clock: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature. The Toddler will take a break from evil cackles (‘ha’) and concerns about what on earth is wrong with boys (many have wondered), to present her thoughts:

1. On pot
The Toddler is sitting next to Silly Daddy. She suddenly declares, ‘Daddy, I’ve got pot.’ Silly Daddy is half way through gathering up bags of crisps and chocolate when it transpires that The Toddler has a spot on her leg.

2. On searching, minimal effort
Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler to look for a missing toy. The Toddler does precisely no looking before declaring: ‘I can’t find it anywhere!’
Silly Mummy points out: ‘You haven’t looked!’
The Toddler bucks up her ideas, and carefully inspects the 10cm square patch of empty floor right at her feet: ‘It’s not there, is it?’ Thanks for your help, The Toddler.

3. On clocks, with an ‘l’
The Silly Family are going swimming. Silly Daddy is getting tickets. The Toddler has spotted something she wants Silly Daddy to see: ‘Look, Daddy, a clock!’ Except she’s not yelling ‘clock’. She never says ‘clock’. She always misses the ‘l’. Usually, the context makes her meaning clear. Usually, she can only mean ‘clock’. But this is the swimming pool, no assumptions should be made. A quick check of surroundings is warranted. Everyone is dressed. There is a clock on the wall. All is well.

4. On bags, naughty
The Baby is waving around The Toddler’s spotty Mr Tumble bag. Inevitably, she hits herself in the face. The Toddler takes charge of the situation. By marching over to the bag and saying firmly, ‘Bad bag!’

5. On butterflies, identity issues
The Toddler wants to wear one of her dresses (every day). Silly Mummy offers choices: ‘Pink dress or butterfly dress?’
The Toddler knows her answer: ‘Butterfly dress. It’s got big small ladybirds on it.’ Ah, yes, the ladybirds. Also called butterflies. Silly Mummy wonders why The Toddler thinks we call the dress the ‘butterfly dress’.

6. On evil cackles, ha
The Toddler is quite taken with the evil queen in Enchanted: ‘Can we see evil queen now?’
Silly Mummy replies, ‘Yes she’ll be on in a minute. Does she say “mwah ha ha”?’
‘Yes, she does say “ha”! Ha!’ The Toddler may need to work on her evil cackle.

7. On that poor boy
The Toddler has found a new way of showing Silly Mummy up in public. This one’s subtle. She’s doing it with concern. Silly Mummy, The Toddler and The Baby are in town, and pass a lady who has stopped to feed her crying baby. The Toddler breaks free and runs back to the lady and baby. She stops right in front of them, and loudly says, ‘That poor boy! What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’ The Toddler thinks she is being caring. She does not realise she is effectively in some poor woman’s face yelling, ‘Call yourself a mother? Your poor baby is crying! Crying!’ (In a connected matter, there is a boy a little older than The Toddler who lives next door. He has quite a lot of tantrums. Whenever The Toddler can hear him through the walls, she asks, ‘What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’ Unfortunately, if we bump into them on the street now, regardless of the fact that the boy is not doing anything & is minding his own business, The Toddler will spurn all traditional forms of greeting and loudly ask, ‘What’s wrong with the boy, Mummy?’)

8. On overreaction
The baby has hit The Toddler on the head with a soft toy. Fortunately, The Toddler is not one to overreact: ‘The Baby has broken my head!’

9. On watches, Grandma’s
The Toddler has commandeered Grandma’s watch. She holds it out to Silly Mummy: ‘I want to wear my clock on!’ (She’s not saying ‘clock’. She means clock. She’s not saying clock. See number 3.)
Silly Mummy stops giggling (she’s not saying clock), and deals with the matter in hand: ‘That’s not your clock, is it? That’s Grandma’s.’
‘Yes it is my clock! Not Grandma’s clock. It’s my clock.’ (Not saying clock. Insert your own immature giggling here.)
‘Where did you get it?’
‘It’s Grandma’s.’

10. On the park, for childrens
The Toddler is at the park. Silly Mummy suggests she has a go on the balance bar. The Toddler disagrees: ‘No. It’s for childrens.’ It is unclear what The Toddler thinks she is exactly (apart from not getting on the balance bar, of course).

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 15: We Are Not a Stinker
Week 18: A Spinny Armpits

Toddler Time

Toddler TimeThe Toddler has become obsessed with time. She already had a long-standing clock obsession, but that was entirely unrelated to any interest in the time. No, The Toddler simply liked to point at clocks and watches, shout ‘tick tock’, and demand the singing of ‘Hickory Dickory Dock’.

The Toddler mastered the concept of specific, named times some, well, time ago. She knows ‘brekkie time’. This is the time when The Toddler eats her breakfast. She knows ‘din din time’. This is the time when The Toddler eats her dinner. She knows ‘lunchtime’. This is the entire period between ‘brekkie’ and ‘din din’, during which The Toddler will say in a hopeful voice every ten minutes, ‘Lunchtime, Mummy! The Toddler is wanting lunchtime. Lunchtime now, please, Mummy.’ In essence, until now, The Toddler has been aware of time as a food-related concept.

(Incidentally, whilst on the topic of lunchtime, Silly Mummy’s greatest achievement as a mother? Convincing The Toddler that ‘lunchtime tidy up’ is not only an actual thing, but an actual fun thing. Silly Mummy announces it is lunchtime tidy up time, and The Toddler excitedly runs around the room picking up toys. Take that, Super Nanny. Silly Mummy expects to receive the Nobel Prize in Toddlers any day now…)

The Toddler also knows some time-related words. There is ‘soon’. The Toddler understands that ‘soon’ means lunchtime will be in exactly one second, and should therefore be immediately mentioned again to Silly Mummy. There is ‘later’, which means lunchtime will be in three seconds and, to be safe, should probably be immediately mentioned again to Silly Mummy. ‘Tomorrow’ is a word The Toddler knows denotes, ‘Ooh, brekkie!’ Then, of course, there is ‘now’. Now is often used when The Toddler is being asked to do something. She is aware it means do it so slowly it is not done until tomorrow: ‘Ooh, brekkie!’

These have been The Toddler’s dabblings in the concept of time. Until now. The new obsession. What time it actually is. So The Toddler now likes to ask about random times. Constantly.
‘What’s times it?’
‘It’s 7:20.’
‘Oh, okay, fine…What’s times it now?’
‘Oh, okay, fine.’ The Toddler wanders away. She reappears.
‘Mummy, what’s time now?’ Silly Mummy has been telling The Toddler the actual time, though fully aware that the answer ‘hippo blue sausage’ would also be met with a nod and an ‘okay, fine’.

Despite not having any clue what the numbers mean, The Toddler has evidently picked up on the fact that Silly Mummy’s answers to what time it is do frequently involve the use of numbers. It is lunchtime. The Toddler has been asking for lunchtime all morning. Therefore, Silly Mummy expects a yell of ‘lunchtime’ when she asks The Toddler, ‘Do you know what time it is?’
Instead, The Toddler pauses, ‘Er…yes. Time 1,2,3…7?’