Tagged Daddy

Cardboard Panda: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

Time once more for the Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said, this week featuring The Baby’s Corner and, unexpectedly, a silent item.

Over to The Toddler:

1. On Silly Mummy, putting up with her

Silly Daddy does an office job, and so generally works regular Monday to Friday hours. However, he occasionally has to do some extra hours on a Saturday. So it is a Saturday, and Silly Daddy is at work. The Toddler and The Baby have been out with Silly Mummy. Heading home, The Toddler is asking whether Silly Daddy will be there. Silly Mummy explains that Silly Daddy won’t be back until dinner time, like during the week, concluding flippantly: ‘And you’ll have to put up with Mummy.’
The Toddler nods seriously: ‘Yes, like I normally do.’ How rude.

2. On farewells, rude

The Toddler’s farewells are becoming significantly less polite: ‘See you soon. Don’t have a lovely day.’

3. On Silly Daddy’s shoe

The Toddler has something important she needs to tell Silly Mummy. She makes sure she has Silly Mummy’s full attention for her urgent and riveting tale: ‘Mummy, Mummy, MUMMY…I had a lovely time walking on Daddy’s shoe. And he said, “Give it back”.’ She runs off. Apparently that’s it. Well, that’s…good to know.

4. On herself, being the First Lady

It should be noted here that Silly Mummy often refers to The Toddler and The Baby as ‘ladies’. Also that The Toddler wants to come to the dinner table first. These facts, rather than an unusually sophisticated grasp on American politics for a two year old, probably explain her charging across the room announcing: ‘I’m the First Lady!’

5. On Kung Fu Panda

Silly Daddy has asked The Toddler if she’d like to watch Kung Fu Panda later. She is now very excited about the impending viewing of: ‘Cardboard Panda!’

6. On additional information, confusing

The Toddler’s explanations of her statements have progressed from adding nothing to adding contradiction and confusion: ‘When Grandma comes on Saturday, she doesn’t always come on Saturday.’

7. On road safety

The Toddler and The Baby are in the hallway, engaged in a game of imaginary outings. They’re mostly shopping. However, it does appear that The Toddler has somewhat misunderstood the principles of road safety: ‘Come on, The Baby, let’s get to the main road.’ The rule would be stay away from the main road, The Toddler, not aim for it.

8. On psychoanalysis

The Toddler has taken up impersonating Sigmund Freud this week, and now responds to most information with: ‘Hmm, interesting.’ (Sometimes she opts for outright sarcasm, and responds to everything with a very disingenuous: ‘That’s interesting.’)

9. On her sister, wanting her back

Silly Daddy has walked off with The Baby like he owns her, and The Toddler is not happy. She speaks to Silly Daddy firmly: ‘Daddy, can you bring The Baby back cos that’s my sister.’

10. On armed (with a Peppa Pig rolling pin) robbery

(This final item is admittedly not something The Toddler said, but is deserving of a mention nonetheless.)

 
The Baby is pushing around her little toy shopping trolley. The Toddler comes up behind her with a toy Peppa Pig rolling pin, and points it at The Baby’s back. She proceeds to take the trolley from The Baby. It is essentially a toddler stick up.

 
The Baby’s Corner

The Baby can say ‘Grandma’ (it was ‘Amama’, but now she has mastered ‘Grandma’). She cannot, however, say ‘Grandad’. She has solved this dilemma in the obvious manner: she calls Grandad ‘Grandma’. The Baby has seen a man at the till in the coffee shop. He reminds her of Grandad. As such, she is pointing at him whilst insistently yelling, ‘Grandma! Grandma!’ The man looks confused. Having paid, he goes to sit down (unsurprisingly, a long way from The Baby). The Baby is offended: ‘Where’s Grandma gone?’

 
 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.

Daddy on the Naughty Step

There is something of a commotion going on in the Silly household. Silly Daddy has been naughty. No one but The Toddler knows what Silly Daddy has actually done, but it appears to be quite serious. An immediate naughty step offence, in fact.

The Toddler orders: ‘Daddy, naughty step.’ Silly Daddy protests against being sent to the naughty step, but The Toddler is unmoved: ‘Daddy, go to naughty step now!’ Silly Daddy is not giving in without a fight; he does not want to sit on the naughty step. The Toddler, however, has brushed up on her Super Nanny* technique, and she is not negotiating: ‘Go and sit on naughty step.’
Silly Daddy realises resistance is futile and resigns himself to his punishment: ‘How long do I have to sit on the naughty step?’
The Toddler considers: ‘Five minutes. Go and sit on naughty step five minutes!’ Silly Mummy feels obligated to remind The Toddler that naughty step time should be one minute for every year of age, and that Silly Daddy therefore needs to remain on the step for 34 minutes. This may seem mean of Silly Mummy, but Silly Mummy is acting in Silly Daddy’s best interests. How will he learn if the rules are not applied properly and consistently? The Toddler ponders Silly Mummy’s correction, nods and confirms: ‘Two minutes. That’s right.’ Silly Daddy looks smug.

In accordance with the strictly enforced timeframe for Silly Daddy’s naughty step sitting, exactly four seconds later The Toddler announces: ‘Say sorry? You say sorry, get up now.’

Silly Mummy can’t help but notice that there has been a further breach of naughty step protocol. Silly Daddy has not been reminded of why he was asked to sit on the naughty step. Indeed, Silly Daddy has not been told what he had done wrong at any time. No one has. Silly Mummy wants to know. Silly Mummy says to The Toddler, ‘Don’t forget to tell Daddy why he was naughty. What had he done?’
The Toddler announces Silly Daddy’s naughty step-worthy misbehaviour: ‘Didn’t sit on naughty step.’ Ah, of course. Toddler logic. Having not done anything wrong, Silly Daddy was unsurprisingly not sitting on the naughty step. This was very naughty, and required immediate banishment to sit on the naughty step. Presumably to think about what he hadn’t done.

The Toddler continues, ‘But Daddy’s better now. Good boy, Daddy!’ Well, yes, Silly Mummy can see how sitting on the naughty step would have made the naughty behaviour of not sitting on the naughty step better.

The Toddler is now trying out the behavioural technique of positive reinforcement. Daddy has been a good boy, he will be rewarded: ‘Can sit on sofa now. Clap, Mummy! Clap!’ Silly Mummy obediently claps Silly Daddy’s progression from naughty step to sofa. Silly Mummy doesn’t want to end up on the naughty step.

(*She must have been taking a break from her usual favourite nanny Mary Poppins. If The Toddler had been channelling Mary Poppins, Silly Daddy would have been singing songs and clicking his fingers. Mary Poppins would not use the naughty step: practically perfect people NEVER use the naughty step.)

Daddy

DaddyAbout Daddy (‘Silly Daddy’). Daddy reads ‘The Gruffalo’ (with silly voices). Daddy builds forts (with the seat cushions from all the chairs). Daddy does the big slides and the fun rides (18 month old on a ferris wheel, anyone?) Daddy tickles. Daddy throws (balls, toddlers, babies). Daddy chases. Daddy carries. Daddy teaches us to say ‘fart’. (Good work, Daddy. That was a fun few days out in public for Silly Mummy. Thankfully, we are currently on a hiatus from the word, if not the activity.) Daddy sometimes has a beard.

Yes: about that. The Toddler often points at random bearded men and shouts, ‘Daddy!’ This is comical for the following reason. Daddy’s beardedness (when present) falls somewhere in the stubble to moderately bearded range. The men The Toddler points at invariably fall in the ridiculous to Father Christmas range. If it wasn’t for (a) the anonymity of the blog, and (b) Silly Mummy’s feeling that it is probably inappropriate to photograph either random men or their beards, this would by now have led to a feature. The feature would involve pictures of Daddy and pictures of random bearded men The Toddler has yelled ‘daddy’ at. The feature would be called #BeardyDaddy (don’t really get hashtags, #gettinginvolvedanyway). There would be a special ‘Beardy Daddy, The Prequel’ edition, featuring a picture of Silly Mummy’s Daddy and a picture of Ian Botham, who Silly Mummy believed was also Daddy for much of the early eighties.

The Toddler has a few things to say on the subject of Daddy.

Daddy’s tickles: ‘Oh, Daddy, no! No, Daddy!…More gain! More tickles!’

Breakfast with Daddy: ‘Eat brekkie. Watch chugga. Daddy eaty food.’ Apparently, they watch Chuggington, then.

Dancing with Daddy (the Hokey Cokey, this is evidently not optional): ‘In out shake it all about, Daddy. Doing in out now, Daddy!’

Things Daddy says on the telephone (The Toddler is speaking to ‘Daddy’ on her tricycle’s toy phone): ‘The Toddler speak Daddy. Hello, Daddy. Mummy speak.’ Mummy dutifully takes the phone to speak to Daddy, as instructed. The Toddler snatches the phone back. Mummy is not speaking to Daddy. The Toddler is speaking to Daddy. The Toddler hangs up. Silly Mummy asks, ‘What did Daddy say?’
‘Moo! Cow. Chicka. Monkey. Daddy monkey.’ Wow. Daddy is quite the telephone conversationalist.

Seeing Daddy outside her bedroom window: ‘Daddy climby wall!’ Daddy did once climb the wall to work on the roof. The Toddler now checks for daddies ‘climbying’ walls every time she looks out of her window.

Daddy returning home: ‘Daddy get home now!’ The Toddler says this when it is close to the time Daddy usually returns from work. It is not an observation: it is a command. (The Baby concurs with The Toddler: ‘A rah rah rah! A rah!’ Indeed.)

The Baby has something to say on the subject of Daddy, too: ‘Dada! Dada!’

The Toddler and The Baby have things to say about Daddy, but they don’t yet have the words they need to say all there is to say. If they did, they would tell you that Daddy is fun, Daddy is loving, Daddy is practical, Daddy is brave, Daddy is strong. (Daddy is also, of course, Batman. The Toddler does have the words for that.) They love Daddy.

Silly Mummy has words, so she will try to tell you about her own Dad (Grandad Grumps). Her clever, loving, strong, supportive, amazing Dad. Her Dad, who is always there for her, who has done so much for her, and who she loves more than she can say. Her Dad, the proud, doting – and very loved – Grandad.

Silly Mummy will also tell you about Grandad Pop, Silly Daddy’s Dad. Another strong and loving father, who taught Silly Daddy to be a father. A man who adores The Toddler and The Baby, and Silly Daddy; and who they adore in return.

This is a blog about the things The Toddler talks about, and these – the strong and loving daddies of our families – are (quite rightly) some of The Toddler’s favourite things to talk about (and some of The Baby’s favourite people to shout nonsense at).

Silly Mummy, The Toddler and The Baby wish a Happy Father’s Day* to the wonderful Silly Daddy, and to the two wonderful Dads who are now also wonderful Grandads. We love you very much.

(*’Happy Birthday!’ says The Toddler, confused by the presents.)