Tagged Dr Seuss

The Pig in the Wig (a Trump Parody)

donald-j-trump-1342298_1280Inspired by Donald Trump’s Dr Seuss-esque ‘I have a good plan, a plan that is good, oh so good, you will like this good plan…’ (*this may not be an exact quote), I present my Trump parody, in the style of The Cat in the Hat.

The Pig in the Wig

November was coming.
The election not far away.
So we watched the debate
On that cold, cold, wet day.

All we could do was to
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.

And then
Something went SNIFFLE!
How that sniffle made us bristle!

We looked!
Then we saw him step in, puffed up big!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Pig in the Wig!
And he said to us,
‘I am the man for this gig!’

‘I know America’s not great,
Not from where I am stood,
But I have
A good plan that is good!’

‘I have a good plan we could try,’
Said the pig.
‘I know a good plan,’
Said the Pig in the Wig.
‘A really good plan.
I will show it to you.
Will be great again if I do.’

But Hillary Clinton said, ‘No! No!’
Make that pig go away!
Tell that Pig in the Wig
You feel only dismay.
He should not be President.
He should not be about.
He should not be President
That bigoted old lout!’

‘Sniff! Sniff! Have no fear.
Have no fear!’ said the pig.
‘My views are not bad,’
Said the Pig in the Wig.
‘Why, we can have
Lots of fun, Madam Secretary,
With a game that I call
Lie-lie-lie to the unwary!’

‘Let me speak!’ said Hillary.
‘This is absolute bullshit!
Let me speak!’ said Hillary.
‘I fear you have lost it!’

‘Have no fear!’ said the pig.
‘This is no bullshit.
I’m telling you now:
Everyone knows it!
My IQ is the highest!
My hands are so big!
But that is not ALL I can claim!’
Said the pig…

‘Look at me!
Look at me now!’ said the pig.
‘I am rich, I’m the richest!
I’m a self proclaimed bigwig!
I can stalk Hillary across the stage!
I can incite assassination!
I can demand the President’s birth certificate!
And oppose immigration!
And look!
I’m a loose cannon ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all…

Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have white male privilege
But you have to know how.
I can advocate eugenics.
And be horribly racist!
I can insult all of Mexico!
And be quite the misogynist!
I can abuse Rosie O’Donnell
And Megyn Kelly!
And look! With my conspiracies
I can accuse Hillary!
I can grope any woman
As I build a big wall!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all…’

That is what the Pig said…
Then someone fact checked!
He seems rather corrupt.
He has no concept of consent.
And we started to think,
This man CAN’T be President!

‘Now look what you said!’
Said Mrs Clinton to the pig.
‘Now look at this footage!
Look at this! Look, you pig!
You’re friendly with Putin,
You’ve been accused of rape.
You advocated sexual assault
And were recorded on tape.
You SHOULD NOT be President.
This is our plea:
You get out of this race!
Even Republicans agree.’

‘But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!’
Said the Pig in the Wig,
Looking alarmingly apricot.
‘I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,’ said the Pig in the Wig,
I will show you
Another good game that I know!’

And then he ran out.
And then, in the strangest of manoeuvres,
The Pig in the Wig
Came back with a bizarre panel of accusers.

Then he stood up front
With a tip of his wig.
‘I call this game BILL-DID-IT-TOO,’
Said the pig.
‘This panel is here to prove
(And you may call it irrelevant piffle)
That Bill Clinton did something bad too,’
Said the pig, with a sniffle.

‘Oh dear!’ said the rest of the world.
‘Trump is a dangerous narcissist, we proclaim…
Oh dear.
He has no shame!
He has no shame!
He has no shame!’

Then the pollsters came in
And asked, ‘Is it true?
Will you vote for this man?
Tell us. What will you do?’

To the responses received we don’t know
What to say.
How can you justify
The bigotry on display?

Should this man be elected?
What SHOULD they do?
What would YOU do
If your conscience asked you?


(*The Serious Bit

Don’t let my terrible rhymes be in vain. If you live in America, please don’t let Trump be elected. Please don’t assume that he can be controlled by Congress or advisers. (Remember both Mussolini and Hitler came to power legitimately through the system, and could not be controlled.) This man is dangerous, not just to America, but to the whole world. He is not qualified. He is not capable. He is not reasonable. Please vote for Hillary. Please do not abstain, or vote for a third party candidate, because you believe tactical voting for a candidate you do not particularly like is unprincipled. There is a place for idealism, but idealism is easy: sometimes it is a cop out. We live in the real world, and often the most principled thing you can do is the thing that will actually have an impact in this real world we live in, even if it is not your ideal option. Besides, this is not a choice between two candidates you do not like, not this time. You may not like either of them, but it is still a choice between a rational, intelligent, experienced politician; and an erratic, delusional, unqualified narcissist. That is not a difficult choice. You would not believe someone with no medical experience or qualifications should be Chief of Staff in a hospital, why would you support someone with no relevant experience or qualifications to run a country?

And for all of us not living in America, we can’t do anything about the outcome of this election. However, the attitudes Donald Trump represents are not confined to the US. As usual, the US may be doing it bigger, but people like Trump, far right movements, they are rising in Britain and across Europe. People are supporting them in Britain and across Europe. It needs to stop.*)