Tagged Films

Eight Films That Failed To Be Peppa Pig

The Toddler has been watching new films. Mostly grudgingly, when Silly Mummy puts her foot down regarding the current Peppa Pig obsession.

Silly Mummy objects to Peppa Pig on a number of grounds. Firstly, There is only one season on Netflix. We are watching the same thirteen episodes repeatedly. Silly Mummy now suspects that this is where the superstitions surrounding the number thirteen actually originated: thirteen is unlucky if you are a parent with only one season of Peppa Pig.

Secondly, the theme tune. Oh, the theme tune! It haunts Silly Mummy’s dreams.

Thirdly, Peppa Pig sets a bad example. Splashing around in puddles constantly. Okay, probably not constantly. Constantly in this house (see complaint number one). Silly Mummy blames Peppa’s splashing for this demand from The Toddler during recent torrential rain: ‘Wellies on! Jump in puddle pool! Splash in puddle pool! Please, Mummy!’
Silly Mummy’s hair got wet, Peppa. Mummy Pig doesn’t have hair, does she, Peppa? Think you’d still be running about in the rain if she did, Peppa? No, you wouldn’t, Peppa.

Anyway, as Silly Mummy was saying, some films have also been watched. Therefore, welcome to the second edition of ‘guess what film The Toddler is talking about‘: the game you didn’t know you were playing. To keep things interesting/make things interesting/no, things are still not interesting, this time each clue is to a different film.

On with the game. Below are The Toddler’s insightful film reviews. Can you guess all the films? There will be a special commendation for anyone who can get number three. (Tip: You may want to think about the second half of films. The Toddler missed the first half of most of the films doing this: ‘No, don’t want this one! Want more Peppa Pig! More Peppa Pig, please! No, not watch this one! Turn it off! Want watch more Peppa Pig! Not this one!’)

1. ‘Yes, watch poo stinky.’

2. (The Toddler is dancing) Silly Mummy asks, ‘Are you being a monkey?’
‘No, not being a monkey…Look a mess! Make a mess!’

3. ‘Calm down, calm down.’

4. ‘Broomstick! Witch! Witch! The Toddler fly away! Ready steady go! Fly away! The Toddler can do it. The Toddler witch. Look: The Toddler has got a rabbit! Now The Toddler is doing something!’

5. ‘Wants to wear dressings. Wants to go to ball. Dance…[Name Removed]’s dress gone. Look! What’s wrong with [Name Removed]? Sad…Bib dob Bob dob doo!’

6. ‘Roar!’

7. ‘No, not racing. Not doing racing. Doing circles.’

8. ‘No can’t watch doggy woof woof. Turn it off! Want watch more Peppa Pig!’

 
 
With such obvious descriptions, Silly Mummy is sure no one needs them, but here are the answers.

1. Winnie The Pooh
The Toddler apparently got the wrong end of the stick when Silly Mummy said, ‘Are you watching Winnie the Pooh?’

2. The Jungle Book
The Toddler tried to copy Louie’s dancing during I Wanna Be Like You, but she was not being a monkey, okay? The Toddler was also apparently concerned about all the mess Louie was making. Who’s going to clean that up? Baloo?

3. Tangled
Rapunzel was crying. Obviously. What do you mean you didn’t get it?

4. Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Yes, the broomstick fishing rod came out. No, The Toddler did not magic any rabbits. But she was doing something.

5. Cinderella
Silly Mummy thought this one was quite a good description – and a fair rendition of Bibidi Babadi Bu – actually.

6. Monsters Inc
Because, you know, monsters roar.

7. Cars 2
They were not racing, they were just going in circles. Someone should employ The Toddler to commentate on Formula 1.

8. 101 Dalmatians
The Toddler only saw the first two minutes. She didn’t like it. It wasn’t Peppa Pig.

Guess What Film The Toddler Is Talking About

Guess What FilmThe Toddler has taken a sudden interest in watching films. She has not, however, taken an interest in what films are actually called. The Toddler has developed a couple of alternative methods for identifying the film she wants to watch. The first is to point at random unrelated pictures on the TV, or indeed at the blank TV screen, and shout, ‘Want to watch that one! No, not that one! No! Want to watch the one.’ This method does not have a high success rate. The other method is offering descriptions of what she considers to be salient points of the film.

Having used her film description skills to successfully get her chosen film played, The Toddler will engage in random audio commentary, describing the select parts of the film that actually interest her. Were anyone to attempt to rely upon The Toddler’s audio commentary to understand the film, they may find that it almost entirely fails to describe what is happening, and has a few gaps. Often of an hour or so. (The Toddler is very busy: she can’t spend all day watching films. Who else is going to make the imaginary tea around here?)

With these concerns about The Toddler’s commitment to accurate commentary in mind, Silly Mummy now invites you to join us in a little game we have just invented, called ‘guess what film The Toddler is talking about’. Silly Mummy will provide a list of The Toddler’s comments and descriptions relating to the film. The answer will be revealed at the end. No cheating.

1. ‘Want to watch climby roof, do dance, please!’

2. ‘Look! Make up! Doing make up!’

3. ‘Horses going that way. Come back later. Oh, look: Friend pick poo up now. Stinky poo.’ (For the avoidance of any confusion, Silly Mummy would like to make it clear that there is no poo, picked up or otherwise, in the film. Last weekend, during a walk in an area with horses, The Toddler’s friend (who we have imaginatively called ‘Friend’) picked up poo. Clearly, The Toddler now considers it inevitable that, if she can see horses (even on film), Friend will be nearby picking up poo.)

4. ‘You hello? Ohh doggy! Woof woof.’

5. ‘Um dee um dee eye! Um dee um dee eye!’ (Clue: this is accompanied by manic dancing.)

6. ‘Tea cup! Look, Mummy: have tea cup! Oh naughty, Mummy! Been naughty!’

7. ‘Ooh stairs! Climby! Climby roof! Dancing! Doing dancing now. Mummy, dance! Get up, Mummy! Mummy, get up now! Do dance! The Baby do dance! Step…time! Step…time! Knees!’ (The Toddler is marching around the living room. The Baby is showing support by bouncing and nodding her head.)

8. ‘Watch Chitty Bang now! Want watch Chitty Bang now! Not this one now.’

 
Yes, you have probably all worked out by now, from the practically verbatim script, that The Toddler is talking about Mary Poppins.

 
For anyone who has never seen Mary Poppins, a few points of clarification.
1. This is actually a reasonable description.
2. Mary looks in a mirror.
3. The carousel horses leave the carousel (no one picks up poo).
4. There is a fox hunt.
5. ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay.’
6. They all get stuck on the ceiling as a result of laughing too much (obviously), and have a tea party there. Mary is unimpressed: they are naughty.
7. They run about on the rooftops, climb smoke stairs, and dance with chimney sweeps: ‘Kick your knees up, step in time’.
8. It is not compulsory to start watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang part way through. It is rumoured that Mary Poppins does, in fact, have an ending. Silly Mummy can not confirm this, but you may want to investigate.

 
Seriously, though, did anyone actually work out the film?