Tagged fireworks

My Goodness: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

In this week’s edition of the Ten Funniest Things feature, we will be unimpressed by firework show offs, unconvinced by the shopping basket’s attempts to be a baseball kit, and wondering what on earth The Baby thinks is happening.

Over to The Toddler:

1. On shopping baskets, not good baseball kits
The Toddler is holding her toy shopping basket when suddenly she announces, ‘I don’t think it’s a baseball kit. Think it might be shopping basket.’ Silly Mummy thinks she may have a point, but was unaware the shopping basket had been suspected of being a baseball kit. A couple of minutes later The Toddler declares, ‘I’m not very well.’
Silly Mummy asks, ‘What’s the matter?’
The Toddler holds up her shopping basket: ‘This baseball kit’s not very good.’

2. On drawing, strange requests
The Toddler is doing some colouring. She requires Silly Mummy’s help: ‘Can you draw my trumps?’ A quick investigation reveals that there is a trumpet on The Toddler’s picture that she would like Silly Mummy to colour in. This is a relief, as Silly Mummy was not feeling equal to the task of trying to draw The Toddler’s trumps.

3. On bruises, wash off
Silly Mummy is inspecting a bruise that has been found on The Toddler’s foot. The Toddler is unconcerned: ‘Don’t worry about it. We’ll give it a wash.’

4. On long days
The Toddler leads a busy life, and sometimes she feels it: ‘It’s been a long day, hasn’t it? Long day after walk.’

5. On stickers
The Toddler is doing her sticker book, an activity that seems to be a source of a surprising level of wonder today: ‘My goodness! Look at those!’

6. On being a witch
The Toddler has put her (cylindrical) Lego storage container on her head. It falls right down over her face. Her little voice emanates from within, providing very matter of fact clarification of the situation: ‘So…I’m a witch.’

7. On Rapunzel
The Toddler is watching Tangled. Rapunzel is in a pickle, and The Toddler is wondering how she will ever get out of it. She very thoughtfully says, ‘What is she to do?’

8. On being a Bond villain
The Toddler is asking Silly Mummy for something, but Silly Mummy can’t hear her from the other room. Silly Mummy comes into the living room: ‘What were you asking for?’
Apparently, The Toddler has forgotten. She replies, ‘I don’t know. Let me see.’ Whilst stroking her face in her best Bond villain impersonation.

9. On fireworks, showing off
The Sillies are attending a firework display. The Toddler remains unsure how she feels about fireworks. In an effort to convince her, Silly Daddy points at one of the squiggly ones: ‘Isn’t that pretty?’
The Toddler feels that the fireworks are frankly showing off: ‘A bit much.’

10. On running without purpose*
The Toddler is repeatedly running from one end of the room to the other, for no apparent reason. The Baby is waddling about in her wake, trying to keep up. Silly Mummy asks, ‘Why are you running, The Toddler?’
The Toddler pants, ‘I don’t know!’ Well, of course not. Why would she?
Raising some questions about what exactly she thinks is going on, The Baby yells, ‘Where’s duck?’

(*Incidentally, this is The Toddler’s Native American name.)

 

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 18: A Spinny Armpits
Week 20: You’re a Good Winner
Week 23: I Resent to You

Trick or Treat (or Dog)

pumpkin-988231_1920 The Toddler went trick or treating* this Halloween with her friend, Bat Girl (not her real name). She had a great time. Until people started setting off fireworks, anyway. The Toddler is apparently fine with witches, zombies and skeletons, but she holds no truck with the sky going bang.

The Toddler was on top form interacting with the public. She managed the odd ‘trick or treat’, nailed ‘Happy Halloween’, and was mostly on top of ‘thank you’. She also managed to get a few other sparkling conversation pieces in there.

1. That’s a dog
The Toddler was off to a roaring start at the first house. A dog could be heard (it should be noted that The Toddler did not at any time see a dog). The door opened. The Toddler did not say ‘trick or treat’. She did not even go with the customary and acceptable greeting that is ‘hello’. She announced, ‘That’s a dog!’ Having stated her case, she waited expectantly for someone to give her a treat.

2. You’re a beauty
A few houses later, and a very complimentary The Toddler informed the bemused lady handing out sweets: ‘You’re a beauty!’

3. Can I go in this one?
The Toddler appreciates an impressive effort. One house had set up a full gothic dining table with skeleton guests in their front window, and moving ghosts in their entrance way. The Toddler pressed her nose to the window: ‘Can I go in this one?’ Whilst she waited excitedly for the door to open, The Toddler repeated her request to go in, explaining: ‘This is a perfect one!’ Subsequently, the confused residents attempted to give her sweets, while she made valiant attempts to move into their house.

4. I’ve got cake
One house gave the children cupcakes. This was a popular move. At the next house, the nice lady offered The Toddler and her friend sweets. She may have been expecting a ‘trick or treat’, a ‘Happy Halloween’, maybe a ‘thank you’. No. She got The Toddler and Bat Girl waving cupcakes at her, while The Toddler shouted, ‘I’ve got cake!’

5. I don’t like it
The Toddler’s Halloween fun took a turn when people in the neighbourhood started setting off fireworks. The Toddler liked fireworks two days previously, when she demanded to stand at the front door watching the ones being set off across the road. The Toddler no longer likes fireworks. She made this fact known. She informed Silly Mummy: ‘I don’t like it. Can I go home? I didn’t like fireworks.’ Then she apprised Bat Girl of the situation: ‘I don’t like it. Yuck. I don’t like it, Bat Girl.’ Thereafter, The Toddler started announcing it to whoever answered the doors she knocked on. Confused residents opened their doors to find a toddler witch informing them that she didn’t like it, with no further elaboration as to what exactly she didn’t like. Upon Silly Mummy explaining that The Toddler was talking about the fireworks, one kind boy of about 10 or 11 agreed that they were annoying and asked her if she would like him to make them stop.

6. Awkward
Finally, special mention should go to The Toddler and Bat Girl’s services to awkward situations. At the start of their trick or treat careers, The Toddler and Bat Girl liked to knock on a door, give their greetings (‘that’s a dog’), take their treat, say thank you…and then remain in the doorway, just staring. Until things became awkward, and they were dragged away, still staring.

 

(*Obviously. Because trick or treating was not going to be done due to concerns that (a) it harasses people, and (b) the treats are probably mostly not suitable for a toddler anyway. But The Toddler wanted to do what other children were doing, and her friend was going, so she went and…it was fun. Now that people seem to follow the practice of decorating their houses and putting up trick or treat signs if they want to participate, it seems much easier to avoid concerns about annoying or intimidating people. It feels more like a community activity just for people who want to take part these days. As for the treats? Well, The Toddler enjoyed the experience and her costume. The Silly Parents know people who will enjoy the unsuitable sweets (unconfirmed reports suggest these ‘people’ may be the Silly Parents).)