It’s that time of the week again: the Ten Funniest Things feature.
Very appropriately on the very day we all pile onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters, The Toddler is talking Hogwarts houses.
On with the sorting…sorry, talking, with The Toddler:
1. On herself, talking all the time
The Toddler has a bit of a problem, which she explains to Silly Mummy: ‘I talk all the time. I don’t want to.’
2. On Hogwarts’ Houses
The Toddler appears to quite like Harry Potter, though Silly Mummy had assumed she did not take that much in. Silly Mummy assumed wrong. The Toddler is roaring and huffing, leading Silly Mummy to ask, ‘Are you the big bad wolf? Do you huff and puff?’
The Toddler gives Silly Mummy a disparaging look, ‘No, I’m not a Hufflepuff.’ There you go: taken it all in, right down to knowing which house is, frankly, a bit rubbish. Any allegation of being a Hufflepuff (or even something that sounds a little bit like it) will be firmly denied by The Toddler and her people (The Baby).
3. On origami
Silly Mummy has had a rainy day activity brainwave*: ‘Would you like to do some origami?’
The Toddler would like to do some origami: ‘Yes, me do gabagoombadi!’
(*It wasn’t a brainwave. The Toddler is two. The Baby is one. Origami is fiddly folding of small pieces of paper. It was a stupid idea. Miraculously, a dog, a crane, a waterlily, a jumping frog and a giraffe were made. The Baby ate the frog and the giraffe. The lily was inexplicably deeply offensive to The Toddler. She still cries if it is shown to her.)
4. On best friends
The Toddler plops herself down next to The Baby, puts her arm around her, and announces, ‘We’re best friends!’ The Baby does not appear to have a say in the matter, but looks quite pleased anyway.
5. On being a sandwich
The Toddler is being a funny girl, and Silly Mummy tells her so. The Toddler disagrees: ‘I’m not a funny girl – I’m a sandwich!’ Ah, well, Silly Mummy always did get those two mixed up.
6. On forgiving yourself
The Toddler is looking at a display in the book shop. She knocks something over and picks it back up, muttering to herself, ‘Oh sorry, sorry…It’s okay, don’t worry.’ She may have taken learning to forgive yourself a little literally.
7. On baby bumps
The Toddler has had a little collision with The Baby in the hallway, but she has it under control: ‘Sorry, gorgeous. You okay, gorgeous?’ She even knows a song for the situation: ‘Ouch said the baby bumps in to door.’
8. On imaginary friends, not holding hands
The Toddler is wandering around, talking to herself: ‘You not want to hold my hand? No? I go back to the the door?’ It sounds to Silly Mummy like The Toddler has a not very friendly imaginary friend.
Silly Mummy asks, ‘Did your imaginary friend not want to hold your hand?’
‘No, didn’t want to.’ Well, it’s nice that The Toddler realises that imaginary people can have personal space issues too.
9. On Grandma, good girl
The Toddler has had her nappy changed by Grandma. She feels it is important to encourage this sort of behaviour: ‘Oh good girl, Grandma! Good girl!’
10. On The Baby, what her problem is
The Baby is sitting on the sofa, minding her own business. The Toddler is not impressed with her attitude: ‘The Baby, what’s your problem? Why are you doing nothing?’
Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me
Week 11: Right, What’s The Problem