Tagged Kung Fu Panda

Cardboard Panda: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

Time once more for the Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said, this week featuring The Baby’s Corner and, unexpectedly, a silent item.

Over to The Toddler:

1. On Silly Mummy, putting up with her

Silly Daddy does an office job, and so generally works regular Monday to Friday hours. However, he occasionally has to do some extra hours on a Saturday. So it is a Saturday, and Silly Daddy is at work. The Toddler and The Baby have been out with Silly Mummy. Heading home, The Toddler is asking whether Silly Daddy will be there. Silly Mummy explains that Silly Daddy won’t be back until dinner time, like during the week, concluding flippantly: ‘And you’ll have to put up with Mummy.’
The Toddler nods seriously: ‘Yes, like I normally do.’ How rude.

2. On farewells, rude

The Toddler’s farewells are becoming significantly less polite: ‘See you soon. Don’t have a lovely day.’

3. On Silly Daddy’s shoe

The Toddler has something important she needs to tell Silly Mummy. She makes sure she has Silly Mummy’s full attention for her urgent and riveting tale: ‘Mummy, Mummy, MUMMY…I had a lovely time walking on Daddy’s shoe. And he said, “Give it back”.’ She runs off. Apparently that’s it. Well, that’s…good to know.

4. On herself, being the First Lady

It should be noted here that Silly Mummy often refers to The Toddler and The Baby as ‘ladies’. Also that The Toddler wants to come to the dinner table first. These facts, rather than an unusually sophisticated grasp on American politics for a two year old, probably explain her charging across the room announcing: ‘I’m the First Lady!’

5. On Kung Fu Panda

Silly Daddy has asked The Toddler if she’d like to watch Kung Fu Panda later. She is now very excited about the impending viewing of: ‘Cardboard Panda!’

6. On additional information, confusing

The Toddler’s explanations of her statements have progressed from adding nothing to adding contradiction and confusion: ‘When Grandma comes on Saturday, she doesn’t always come on Saturday.’

7. On road safety

The Toddler and The Baby are in the hallway, engaged in a game of imaginary outings. They’re mostly shopping. However, it does appear that The Toddler has somewhat misunderstood the principles of road safety: ‘Come on, The Baby, let’s get to the main road.’ The rule would be stay away from the main road, The Toddler, not aim for it.

8. On psychoanalysis

The Toddler has taken up impersonating Sigmund Freud this week, and now responds to most information with: ‘Hmm, interesting.’ (Sometimes she opts for outright sarcasm, and responds to everything with a very disingenuous: ‘That’s interesting.’)

9. On her sister, wanting her back

Silly Daddy has walked off with The Baby like he owns her, and The Toddler is not happy. She speaks to Silly Daddy firmly: ‘Daddy, can you bring The Baby back cos that’s my sister.’

10. On armed (with a Peppa Pig rolling pin) robbery

(This final item is admittedly not something The Toddler said, but is deserving of a mention nonetheless.)

 
The Baby is pushing around her little toy shopping trolley. The Toddler comes up behind her with a toy Peppa Pig rolling pin, and points it at The Baby’s back. She proceeds to take the trolley from The Baby. It is essentially a toddler stick up.

 
The Baby’s Corner

The Baby can say ‘Grandma’ (it was ‘Amama’, but now she has mastered ‘Grandma’). She cannot, however, say ‘Grandad’. She has solved this dilemma in the obvious manner: she calls Grandad ‘Grandma’. The Baby has seen a man at the till in the coffee shop. He reminds her of Grandad. As such, she is pointing at him whilst insistently yelling, ‘Grandma! Grandma!’ The man looks confused. Having paid, he goes to sit down (unsurprisingly, a long way from The Baby). The Baby is offended: ‘Where’s Grandma gone?’

 
 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.

Where’s Daddy Gone: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time again for the Ten Funniest Things feature. This week, technically The Ten Funniest Things The Toddlers Said Last Week, as The Baby is putting in an appearance.

Silly Mummy presents The Toddler/The Baby:

1. On being Bruce Forsyth
The Toddler is talking to The Baby in the bath: ‘Haven’t you had a lovely time, The Baby?’ Yes, The Toddler is Bruce Forsyth.

2. On Little Red Riding Hood, not a shoplifter
The Toddler is pretending to be Little Red Riding Hood. Apparently, The Toddler’s Little Red Riding Hood has been suspected of shop lifting, and is keen to set the record straight. The Toddler puts a giant muslin on her head (as her hood, obviously), and marches off towards the door: ‘Hello, Grandma, I’ve got some food for you. I paid for it first.’

3. On what happens when the yoghurt is finished
The Toddler has finished her yogurt, and has a truly masterful grasp on all that entails: ‘All done now. No more eating it for me.’ (Gifted, you say? Why, thank you. It doesn’t seem presumptuous to say Mensa is being considered.)

4. On the pantomime
The Toddler has been having flashbacks again. This time to the pantomime she saw before Christmas: ‘When I was at pantomime, I saw Snow White. And Snow White was ill. And TV* was broken. And I clapped. And I said ‘boo’ to Evil Queen. And Evil Queen spun around. Woo. Mr Maker was her friend.’ Quite accurate, actually.

(*She means the magic mirror.)

 
5. On polite enquiries
Silly Mummy drops a bottle of shampoo in the bathroom. The Toddler, who has been raised extremely well, don’t you know, takes a (very) polite interest: ‘My darling, what did you do, darling?’

6. On the cat, not having a balloon
The Toddler has mastered the art of ‘because I said so’. The cat has been eyeing up her balloon, The Toddler is stern: ‘It’s my balloon, Cat. You can’t have it cos you can’t have it.’

7. On the monster, lost
The Toddler approaches Silly Mummy, looking sheepish: ‘Mummy, I’ve got a problem. I’ve lost the monster. Can you help me find him?’ Silly Mummy wasn’t actually aware that there was a monster, but it seems a reasonable request. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to lose one monster can be considered a misfortune. Though, if she loses another, it will start to look like carelessness, and Silly Mummy will have to put her foot down.

8. On the best film for her
The Toddler is picking a film to watch. Silly Mummy says, ‘We’ve got How to Train Your Dragon, or shall we look for Kung Fu Panda?’
The Toddler knows what’s right for her: ‘No, I think dragon will be best for me.’

9. On giraffes, dog-like
The Baby likes to call all animals dogs at the moment. She presents Silly Mummy with a wooden giraffe: ‘Dog!’
Silly Mummy futilely corrects her: ‘Giraffe.’
‘Dog!’
‘Giraffe.’
‘Dog!’
‘Giraffe.’
‘Dog!’
‘Giraffe.’
The Baby decides to give Silly Mummy a break. She smiles sweetly: ‘Giraffe-dog!’

10. On Silly Daddy, leaving
Silly Daddy is off to work. The Baby has decided she is not in the mood for long goodbyes this morning. She is literally showing Silly Daddy the door. Standing in the entrance way she points: ‘Door! Daddy, door!’ Silly Daddy is still saying goodbye to The Toddler. The Baby impatiently waves goodbye: ‘Daddy, door!’ Silly Daddy finally leaves. As he shuts the door, The Baby turns to Silly Mummy, looking surprised: ‘Where’s Daddy gone?’ Well, he was unceremoniously booted out of the house, The Baby. By you.

 

If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.