Tagged Leave campaign lies

The Toddlers: STILL Supporting Brexit?

eu-1473958_1920Following the utter disaster, sorry, outcome of the EU Referendum, I’m sure many of you are wondering if The Toddlers are still Brexit supporters, and how they are dealing with the fallout.

Unfortunately, the signs continue to point to The Toddlers being firmly in the Brexit camp.

 
1. Having cried, shouted and stamped their feet because they wanted their toy dinosaurs, they are both now refusing to touch or do anything with said dinosaurs. God help anyone who suggests that maybe we should accept that we don’t really want the dinosaurs and just put them away, though. They wanted those dinosaurs, damn it. It is their right to have those dinosaurs. It is not relevant that the dinosaurs no longer seem like a good idea, and they aren’t quite sure what to do with them.

 
2. The toddlers look pleased with themselves. This is usually a fairly accurate sign of impending doom.

 
3. The Toddlers have made a few decisions based on dodgy information supplied by a not very trustworthy stuffed crocodile. These decisions have turned out to be a little questionable. The Toddlers are not admitting this.

 
4. The Toddlers had claimed that Mummy was giving £350 million biscuits a week to Daddy. They wanted these biscuits redirecting to their bellies. It has since transpired that The Toddlers may have miscalculated slightly. There may not have been £350 million biscuits. The Toddlers have since denied making the claim altogether. They are currently denying ever having heard of biscuits.

 
5. The Toddlers like to tell Mummy that they want to be in charge, they know what they are doing, and Mummy should go away. Upon getting their way, The Toddlers tend to ask Mummy to come back and take charge again.

 
6. The Toddlers have been very angry and indignant about perceived injustices. The Toddlers perceive many injustices: everyone is out to get them. In the cold light of day, it turns out that The Toddlers may have misunderstood the situation slightly. This may have been the result of not listening.

 
7. The Toddlers like someone to blame. They are not particularly concerned with whether they are blaming the right person. So far today Mummy has been to blame for the weather, something Peppa Pig did, and blue. As such, The Toddlers have voted to leave Mummy.

 
8. The Toddlers’ currency is raisins. The value of their currency took a steep decline this morning after they ate it on a whim.

 
9. The Big Toddler feels that, though her decision to swing a wooden crocodile through the air has smacked the Little Toddler in the face and hurt her, that isn’t really her problem. She doesn’t feel that she should be accountable. She doesn’t accept that she had any responsibility to consider the potential consequences of swinging a wooden crocodile through the air before doing it. It was her right to swing a wooden crocodile through the air, and she believes it was in her best interests to do so. She believes that the Little Toddler should stop whining about being smacked in the face by a wooden crocodile, accept that she lost, and get over it.

 
10. The Toddlers are currently denying the existence of their ELC Toy Box Musical Adventure Bus. Photographic evidence of them with the bus notwithstanding, they both claim never to have seen it.

 
 
(Once again, these may, in fact, all be signs that certain grown adults are behaving like toddlers, rather than that The Toddlers are supporting Brexit.)

 
 
Nominations for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 are open until 31st July. If you find me at all amusing, I would love nominations in the Best Comic Writer category. Nominating is very simple by following the link above. Thank you for reading my shameless begging.