Silly Mummy has invented a new game. What is this game, I hear you ask. Has Silly Mummy been creating treasure hunts? Innovative sensory experiences? Educational word games? Mystery object bags? Well, there is a bag involved. Regular readers will be not at all surprised to hear that the bag is imaginary.
The Toddler is being a pickle. A noisy pickle. Silly Mummy calls her over: ‘The Toddler, come and look at Mummy’s bag.’ The Toddler wanders over and peers conscientiously at the empty spot where Silly Mummy is pointing. (It is worth noting that, after several episodes of imaginary items escalating out of all control (for example, here and also here), Silly Mummy appears to have created an Emperor’s New Clothes situation. The Toddler will always pretend to be able to see Silly Mummy’s latest invisible invention, just in case it does actually exist and all the cool people can see it.)
Silly Mummy is miming rooting around in the invisible bag: ‘Look, The Toddler, what’s this Mummy has here? Mummy has something here for you. Let Mummy just find it…ah, yes, here it is! Look: it’s SHH!’ Silly Mummy pulls the ‘shh’ finger out of the bag.
The Toddler is thrilled; she laughs hysterically and shouts, ‘Do more! Do more bag!’
Silly Mummy runs through the whole routine again. The Toddler finds it just as amusing. Who could possibly have anticipated that Silly Mummy would bring out another ‘shh’? The Toddler yells, ‘Again! Do more bag, please!’
Silly Mummy varies it a little: ‘Let’s see what else we’ve got in Mummy’s special bag. What do you think we might have in here?’
The Toddler is ever hopeful: ‘Raisins!’
Silly Mummy is rummaging through thin air: ‘Ooh, yes, it does look like we have a box of raisins here. Let’s just pull this out. Yes, look: a box of raisins!’ Silly Mummy holds an imaginary box of raisins aloft.
The Toddler shouts, ‘Raisins!’ (The Emperor’s New Raisins, clearly.)
Silly Mummy says, ‘Let’s just check in the box, shall we? Just have a look and make sure there’s definitely raisins in here. I’ll just open it up and…oh, no, it’s a box of shh!’ The Toddler falls about. Even the loss of imaginary raisins is funny when there are boxes of ‘shh’ around.
The Toddler wants to continue the game. We tell The Toddler to come and have a look inside the completely non-existent bag herself. She gamely has a pretend forage, and triumphantly pulls out…’Keys!’ The Toddler has not quite understood. Never mind: Silly Mummy can work with this. Silly Mummy tells The Toddler to bring over her imaginary keys: ‘I think those are the keys to this special invisible box Mummy has just found. I’ll just take them and see if they fit. Oh, look: they do! I’ll just open it up and see what’s inside this mystery box. Just open the lid here, and…oh! It’s a whole box of SHHHH!’ Obviously, this is the funniest thing ever. Even more obviously, the original purpose of the game has been somewhat lost. The Toddler is certainly not being quiet.
There you have it: the game of ‘shh’. A pointless endeavour for all the family!
Want to know how you can play this exciting and innovative game at home? Just follow the simple instructions below to create your very own bag of ‘shh’.
Firstly, you will need to make the bag for the ‘shh’. Given the entirely imaginary nature of the bag, you can quite literally make it out of anything. An imaginary sandwich bag and imaginary string would do a perfectly adequate imaginary job, but why imaginary limit yourself? Silly Mummy made her fetching imaginary bag out of a swatch of material from Albus Dumbledore’s robes, stitched together with fairy dust, and tied with a hair plucked from the tail of a unicorn.
Next, you will need to start collecting your left over ‘shh’s. If you don’t use ‘shh’s at home, don’t worry. Maybe a friend will have some ‘shh’s they aren’t using. Alternatively, supermarkets often collect unused ‘shh’s for customers to take when needed. If all else fails, you can buy packs of ‘shh’s on Amazon for a very reasonable price.
When you have enough ‘shh’s, simply put them into your bag. Be careful not to overfill. Tie the bag shut, and you are ready for the fun to begin.
Important disclaimer (please read before attempting any activities described by Silly Mummy): We’re all mad here.*
(…But the best people usually are.**)
**Lewis again, slightly mangled