Tagged poo

Somethin’ Stupid (or Ballad of the Tinder Girl)

Today, I have written a parody to honour the undisputed person of the week: the woman who managed to go on a tinder date, throw her poo into the abyss between an internal window and the wall at her date’s house, get wedged upside down in the gap trying to retrieve the poo, and have to be rescued by the fire-brigade, wrecking the poor date’s house in the process. If you have managed to miss this epic tale of romance and poo, I suggest you read it. Because, well, she got stuck in a window trying to retrieve her own poo. In every sense, you cannot make this shit up.

So here is my parody of Somethin’ Stupid for Liam’s unfortunate date.

 
 
Somethin’ Stupid

 
I know I’m swiping left until you think you have the time
To go to Nandos with me
And if we go to yours for wine, I know that there’s a chance
I’ll need the lavatory
And afterwards you’re watching a Scientology documentary by Louis Theroux
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I can see it in your eyes
That you have never had a date who threw her poo before
And though there was a window there, that much is true
It didn’t actually lead outside at all

 
I practice gymnastics, I can fit into that gap and find some way
To retrieve the poo that I threw
But then I think I’m stuck in here head first still just trying to reach my poo
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
The time goes by, you’re worried now, the fire-brigade gets called and, oh, their light’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I threw my poo”

 
I threw my poo
I threw my poo
I threw my poo

 
I threw my poo