Thank You For Knowing It’s My Birthday: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

birthday-874783_1920It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things Feature. The Toddler is pleased Silly Mummy knew it was her birthday, while The Baby won’t be tricked into admitting anything.

Here’s The Toddler:

1. On her birthday, remembered

It’s The Toddler’s third birthday. She has just had her breakfast, and is about to start opening presents, when she turns to Silly Mummy and politely declares: ‘Thank you for knowing it’s my birthday.’ (A further sweet thank you for knowing it was her birthday has been repeated most days since.)

2. On drawing, mandatory

The Silly Family are out for dinner. The Toddler is doing some colouring while she waits for her food. The waiter brings over the food and apologises: ‘Sorry for the wait.’
The Toddler looks at him and gestures at her paper: ‘I had to draw a lovely picture.’ Yes, look what The Toddler was driven to. Are you happy now, Waiter? She was forced to draw a lovely picture here. Because of you.

3. On Grandma, allowed to read

Grandma is visiting and it is The Toddler’s bedtime. The Toddler is objecting to going to bed while Grandma is downstairs. Silly Mummy asks: ‘Do you want Grandma to read you a book?’
The Toddler is in full sulky mode: ‘No!’ She stomps up the stairs. Halfway up she relents, grudgingly: ‘Oh, alright. If I must, Grandma can read a book.’

4. On abandoning ships

The Toddler has found a way to add some much needed drama to the simple act of getting off the sofa. She clambers down, yelling, ‘Abandon ship!’

5. On becoming a doctor

The Toddler is going to be seeing Grandad later. Silly Mummy has been explaining that Grandad might not play The Toddler’s chasing game because he has a bad knee. A short time later, The Toddler is on her toy phone: ‘Hello, is that Doctor Brown Bear?…Okay…Yes…Bye.’ The Toddler approaches Silly Mummy: ‘I called Doctor Brown Bear, and he has made me the doctor so I can look after Grandad’s leg.’

6. On her recorder

The Toddler has got a recorder. She is pleased with it: ‘I love my recorder so much. I ever don’t want to take it back to Tescos!’ (The recorder didn’t actually come from Tesco – The Toddler thinks all shops are Tesco.)

7. On seeing friends, on the side

The Toddler is going to an interactive play centre with her Little Friend. However, suspicions are raised that The Toddler may actually be cheating on another toddler friend, when she announces: ‘Today we’re going to see Little Friend on the side!’

8. On hair brushing

The Toddler is stalking Silly Mummy, ominously brandishing a hairbrush: ‘Now, do you want your hair brushed?’ No, not really. The Toddler proceeds regardless. It appears she has noticed that her clients are not always happy with the hair brushing service they receive: ‘And no shouting while I’m brushing your hair.’

9. On Silly Mummy, a bother

The Toddler is on her toy phone, as usual calling ‘Grandma’: ‘Hello, Grandma? Mummy’s a bit of a bother.’ The Toddler turns to Silly Mummy: ‘Aren’t you, Mummy?’ Rude, frankly.

10. On The Baby, her little face

The Toddler has formulated a cunning plan for situations in which she has been asked to stop doing something: exploit The Baby. Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler not to do any more forward flips. The Toddler implores: ‘But look at The Baby’s little face. She so wants to do some more!’ (The Baby is not at all interested – she wasn’t doing flips in the first place. Her little face is ambivalent/bemused.)

The Baby’s Corner

The Baby is cuddling her bear, Wilberforce. She approaches Silly Mummy and Grandad, clutching Wilberforce happily. Grandad asks: ‘Have you got Wilberforce?’
The Baby is concerned. This is probably a trick. She should not admit to anything. She sneakily flings Wilberforce across the room and answers the question: ‘No!’


If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.


Diary of an imperfect mum


  1. Emma says:

    haha these are funny and very similar to some of the stuff my boy comes out with at the mo. My son thinks all shops are Morrison’s hehe #FamilyFun

  2. Kerry-Ann says:

    They are at such a great age where there is an endless supply of ‘material’, lol. I love that you are ‘a bother’…they pick up on the most hilarious things. x #FamilyFun

  3. Gary says:

    Do not miss hairbrushing days!!!!!!!! My scalp just recovered last week. Enjoy this age all you :), pretty soon comes spunk, attitude, and stubborness. You think it is bad now just wait LOL!!

  4. Being friends on the side is hilarious – where does she get these from? I love abandon ship too. The baby’s teddy bear throwing incident made me spit out my tea. I so love these posts you are really a genius – or rather your offspring are. TY for linking up to #FamilyFun ?

  5. I love this! Especially ‘abandon ship!’ – I really think we should all adopt this every time we get up from the sofa. This is such a clever and funny post, I’ll definitely be coming back for more x #familyfun

  6. Talya says:

    Ahhh I love that birthday comment that is so sweet! My toddler also says such lovely things too. Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub and making me smile lovely x

  7. Wow! She is such an intelligent little girl. I can’t believe she is only 3! She is so very sweet that she want to take care of Grandpa. She is such a careful girl.

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost 🙂 x

  8. Oh this is so funny – really made me giggle – especially the part about mummy being a bother – just brilliant! Aren’t children’s imaginations just so gorgeous though (well most of the time!) and the part about Grandma reading a book – so funny and the “abandon ship” because let’s just face it we really need a little bit more drama added to our lives when dealing with toddlers! #KCACOL

  9. As always, so entertaining! I love the abandon ship one. I might start saying that every time I leave the sofa 😉 Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  10. Min says:

    Loved the mention of “Little Friend on the Side.” Where on earth has she got that from? Hilarious! I’m not sure I’d want her brushing my hair though! Thanks for linking up with #FabFridayPost

  11. Aww The Toddler saying thank you for knowing it was her birthday is so adorable – especially as it’s been repeated since! Love her telling the waiter off because she had to draw a picture while waiting and her comment about seeing a Little Friend on the side – such a funny way of expressing it. “Mummy’s a bit of a bother” made me chuckle and I really loved how The Toddler is trying to use The Baby to help her get her own way – very cute! Thank you for linking to #ftmob 🙂

  12. Alice says:

    Happy birthday to the Toddler!
    Who on earth bought the Toddler a recorder!!!! This is not merely an instrument, in the wrong hands it is an instrument of torture! I hope they have also provided some soundproofing and sound cancellation headphones/a garden shed for her to play in!
    x Alice

  13. Melody says:

    Awww haha these are funny. I love that she thinks all the shops are Tescos. My daughter used to think all the shops are Poundland. so I told “no” there’s charity shops too. lol xx

  14. What would the toddler have said if you didn’t remember her birthday! I’m so glad you did. I love that she called Doctor Brown Bear, I have a feeling you have a little Peppa Pig fan there too.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)

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