That’s Bonkers: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

baby-215867_1280It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature, and we’re a little bonkers (but all the best people are). This week, The Toddler would like you to stop fussing, while The Baby would like it to be known that this post is hers, not yours.

Here’s The Toddler:

1. On Silly Mummy, too fussy

The Toddler has decided to pour her water onto her toast to ‘cool it down’. Silly Mummy objects to this plan of action. The Toddler thinks Silly Mummy is overreacting: ‘Oh Mummy, stop fussing, Mummy! I always pour water.’ (She does not in fact always pour water on her toast. This idea has not been trialed before.)

2. On Silly Mummy’s suggestions, bonkers

Silly Mummy has made a suggestion that The Toddler has some doubts about. Doubts that she subtly voices: ‘That’s bonkers!’

3. On cleaning the bathroom

The Toddler likes Silly Mummy to do cleaning and tidying in the bathroom while she has a bath. She is in her bath: ‘Mummy, can you do the cleaning?’
Silly Mummy knows her place: ‘Yes, I’ll get right on to it.’
The Toddler nods, and picks up her duck: ‘And I’ll get right on to toys.’
Silly Mummy can’t help but feel that she has drawn the short straw here in the division of labour. Nonetheless, the cleaning and tidying is started. A short while later, Silly Mummy declares: ‘Right, I’ve finished the cleaning.’
The Toddler looks around: ‘You need to do it again.’

4. On being angry

Silly Mummy has told The Toddler she can’t do something, and The Toddler is not happy: ‘I’m very, very angry, and I’m going to throw Mummy away!’

5. On changing her mind

The Toddler has been asked to come to the bathroom. Halfway there, she changes her mind and suddenly stops, announcing: ‘I think not.’ With that, The Toddler marches back to the living room.

6. On making tea

The Toddler has made Silly Mummy a nice (*ahem*) cup of tea: ‘Mummy, I’ve just made you a cup of tea…and there’s a scrambled egg in it. But it’s a bit dirty.’

7. On being informed

Silly Mummy has asked The Toddler to see if The Baby wants to eat her dinner. The Toddler reports back: ‘She’s been formed into me, no.’ (Silly Mummy thinks that’s ‘informed me’.)

8. On her day, not good

The Toddler has received some bad news. She is not allowed to pour bath water all over the bathroom. She admonishes Silly Mummy, the bearer of this news: ‘I’m not having a good day with you, Mummy.’

9. On dealing with estate agents

The Toddler is ‘helping’ the estate agent who is at the house. By talking to him incessantly while he tries to get on with his job. Silly Mummy attempts to intervene: ‘The Toddler, can you go and watch Ben and Holly, please?’
The Toddler turns to Silly Mummy: ‘No, I’m just dealing with something. You watch Ben and Holly.’

10. On Abney and Teal, bonking

Silly Mummy enters the living room, to be confronted by The Toddler shouting, ‘Mummy, are they bonking? Are they bonking?’ Erm, what?! Hasty investigation from Silly Mummy establishes that The Toddler is talking about Abney and Teal on CBeebies. Who are bouncing. Bouncing.

The Baby’s Corner

The Baby has learnt the phrase ‘mine, not yours’ (Silly Mummy can’t imagine who she might have learnt that from). She is now in the toy aisle at the supermarket, chatting with other children. Okay, not chatting, exactly. More waiting until they touch a toy, and then pointing her finger at them and yelling: ‘Mine, not yours!’


If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.


My Random Musings


  1. Numbers 9 and 10 are My absolute favourites this week. But I love the exchange with baby too. Id look be to know the response from the estate agent! Are you moving house? I also love number 4, I used to tell the boys I’d throw them in the bin. (Good job social services werent listening.) TY for linking up with #FamilyFun ?

  2. Emma says:

    Oh my, this made me laugh especially number 10. I was very relieved that there was no actual bonking on Abney and Teal and just some good old fashioned bouncing instead 🙂 x #thelist

  3. The Pramshed says:

    Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, They all made me laugh, but 6, 9 and 10 are my faves, especially number 9. I am quite looking forward to comments like these from my little one. Claire x #PickNMix

  4. Oh my goodness. So funny. And Number 4 reminded me of when my toddler told me during a particularly epic meltdown, that she was so cross with me, she was going to put me in the fridge and then throw me in the bin. (Between gasps of air and cough/gags.) I was mortified at the time!
    V funny!

  5. Bonking!!! ?
    That’s cracking! My boy kicked an old lady out of his seat in a hospital waiting room. He got up and walked around for a few seconds and she came along and sat in his seat . He screamed “that’s MINE, not YOURS” and she leapt out of the seat terrified.
    Kids these days eh?!

  6. Anne Sanderson says:

    Absolutely loved this! The toddler is a great character. Full of confidence to tackle any situation in her very own words. The bonking is hilarious, and may now be used in various situations.! Nursery? Supermarket etc. Oh dear how will you explain that! Good to hear baby standing up for herself too.

  7. Alice says:

    Oh I wish I could have seen the estate agent’s face! Amazing!
    And I’m not sure the dirty scrambled egg tea is what I would have ordered, or even if it would have made it onto the menu in the first place :/
    Very funny, as always 🙂
    x Alice

  8. Savannah says:

    Hahaha, this has me rolling!
    My son is just learning to talk, so I don’t get these silly antics yet, but after reading this, I am seriously looking forward to them. Your daughter definitely has her own cute little personality, and I bet she has you laughing daily. Thanks for sharing x

  9. Hannah says:

    Ha! “I’m going to throw mummy away!” that’s hilarious. My little boy is only 9 months and can only say “da da da” at the moment but I look forward to him saying funny things! #anythinggoes

  10. I have always wondered about Abney and Teal (and don’t get me started on the poc pocs!!) Love this as always and it had me grinning throughout. Number 10 is fantastic – Go The Baby!!


  11. Mel says:

    I love toddlers. Their logic is something of its own, isn’t it? Go on, pour water on that toast! My 3rd had a tantrum yesterday because I wouldn’t put her ice cream in the microwave. #ftmob

  12. Sassy says:

    Hahaha 9 is my absolute favourite! This is probably one of my favourite features of your blog, never fails to make me laugh! I just love that she comes up with something new every time! Just brilliant! 🙂 xxx #AnythingGoes

  13. ShoeboxofM says:

    Always a fun feeling to be parented by your toddler!

    The my stage reaches new levels of funny when anything we have is automatically theirs.

    When a favourite pop song came on the radio I told the cubs that this was Mama’s jam. “No. Is MY jam!”


  14. Hahaha brilliant, I have a toddler of my own and she keeps me in amusing anecdotes. The best this week? I went to get her out of bed and she said ‘no mummy. Hold on a minute. I’m busy’. She’s 2 for goodness sake!

    Thanks for linking to #chucklemums!

  15. So funny – love reading The Toddler’s and The Baby’s latest sayings. You definitely drew the short straw in the bathroom division of labour front and it did make me chuckle that The Toddler told you that you needed to do it again! I spot a bit of a theme with The Toddler being very angry with you, “not having a good day” with you and wanting to throw you away – poor Silly Mummy! Glad to hear that Abney and Teal were bouncing rather than bonking and love The Baby waiting until someone touches a toy and then announcing “mine, not yours!” – very funny. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

  16. haha I love the “I’m not having a good day with you mummy” I remember my eldest telling me I was being ridiculous once. He was two it sounded so funny, Thanks for linking to #PickNMix

  17. Ha, ha! Your little ones say the funniest things. She sounds like such a character. I loved reading these and having a little chuckle as I did 😉 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays, always lovely to read your posts. Emily

  18. I love the one about Ben and Holly and also the one where she announced I think not. Looks like The Baby is fast following in The toddler’s footsteps too 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

  19. Oh I love the “she’s been formed into me” and the ‘I always do this” about something she doesn’t always do is exactly the sort of thing my little one would say! Another brilliantly funny post! #ftmob

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