The Pig in the Wig (a Trump Parody)

donald-j-trump-1342298_1280Inspired by Donald Trump’s Dr Seuss-esque ‘I have a good plan, a plan that is good, oh so good, you will like this good plan…’ (*this may not be an exact quote), I present my Trump parody, in the style of The Cat in the Hat.

 
 
 
The Pig in the Wig

November was coming.
The election not far away.
So we watched the debate
On that cold, cold, wet day.

All we could do was to
Watch
Watch
Watch
Watch
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.

And then
Something went SNIFFLE!
How that sniffle made us bristle!

We looked!
Then we saw him step in, puffed up big!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Pig in the Wig!
And he said to us,
‘I am the man for this gig!’

‘I know America’s not great,
Not from where I am stood,
But I have
A good plan that is good!’

‘I have a good plan we could try,’
Said the pig.
‘I know a good plan,’
Said the Pig in the Wig.
‘A really good plan.
I will show it to you.
America
Will be great again if I do.’

But Hillary Clinton said, ‘No! No!’
Make that pig go away!
Tell that Pig in the Wig
You feel only dismay.
He should not be President.
He should not be about.
He should not be President
That bigoted old lout!’

‘Sniff! Sniff! Have no fear.
Have no fear!’ said the pig.
‘My views are not bad,’
Said the Pig in the Wig.
‘Why, we can have
Lots of fun, Madam Secretary,
With a game that I call
Lie-lie-lie to the unwary!’

‘Let me speak!’ said Hillary.
‘This is absolute bullshit!
Let me speak!’ said Hillary.
‘I fear you have lost it!’

‘Have no fear!’ said the pig.
‘This is no bullshit.
I’m telling you now:
Everyone knows it!
My IQ is the highest!
My hands are so big!
But that is not ALL I can claim!’
Said the pig…

‘Look at me!
Look at me now!’ said the pig.
‘I am rich, I’m the richest!
I’m a self proclaimed bigwig!
I can stalk Hillary across the stage!
I can incite assassination!
I can demand the President’s birth certificate!
And oppose immigration!
And look!
I’m a loose cannon ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all…

Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have white male privilege
But you have to know how.
I can advocate eugenics.
And be horribly racist!
I can insult all of Mexico!
And be quite the misogynist!
I can abuse Rosie O’Donnell
And Megyn Kelly!
And look! With my conspiracies
I can accuse Hillary!
I can grope any woman
As I build a big wall!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all…’

That is what the Pig said…
Then someone fact checked!
He seems rather corrupt.
He has no concept of consent.
And we started to think,
This man CAN’T be President!

‘Now look what you said!’
Said Mrs Clinton to the pig.
‘Now look at this footage!
Look at this! Look, you pig!
You’re friendly with Putin,
You’ve been accused of rape.
You advocated sexual assault
And were recorded on tape.
You SHOULD NOT be President.
This is our plea:
You get out of this race!
Even Republicans agree.’

‘But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!’
Said the Pig in the Wig,
Looking alarmingly apricot.
‘I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,’ said the Pig in the Wig,
‘So
So
So…
I will show you
Another good game that I know!’

And then he ran out.
And then, in the strangest of manoeuvres,
The Pig in the Wig
Came back with a bizarre panel of accusers.

Then he stood up front
With a tip of his wig.
‘I call this game BILL-DID-IT-TOO,’
Said the pig.
‘This panel is here to prove
(And you may call it irrelevant piffle)
That Bill Clinton did something bad too,’
Said the pig, with a sniffle.

‘Oh dear!’ said the rest of the world.
‘Trump is a dangerous narcissist, we proclaim…
Oh dear.
He has no shame!
He has no shame!
He has no shame!’

Then the pollsters came in
And asked, ‘Is it true?
Will you vote for this man?
Tell us. What will you do?’

To the responses received we don’t know
What to say.
How can you justify
The bigotry on display?

Should this man be elected?
What SHOULD they do?
Well…
What would YOU do
If your conscience asked you?

 
 

(*The Serious Bit

Don’t let my terrible rhymes be in vain. If you live in America, please don’t let Trump be elected. Please don’t assume that he can be controlled by Congress or advisers. (Remember both Mussolini and Hitler came to power legitimately through the system, and could not be controlled.) This man is dangerous, not just to America, but to the whole world. He is not qualified. He is not capable. He is not reasonable. Please vote for Hillary. Please do not abstain, or vote for a third party candidate, because you believe tactical voting for a candidate you do not particularly like is unprincipled. There is a place for idealism, but idealism is easy: sometimes it is a cop out. We live in the real world, and often the most principled thing you can do is the thing that will actually have an impact in this real world we live in, even if it is not your ideal option. Besides, this is not a choice between two candidates you do not like, not this time. You may not like either of them, but it is still a choice between a rational, intelligent, experienced politician; and an erratic, delusional, unqualified narcissist. That is not a difficult choice. You would not believe someone with no medical experience or qualifications should be Chief of Staff in a hospital, why would you support someone with no relevant experience or qualifications to run a country?

And for all of us not living in America, we can’t do anything about the outcome of this election. However, the attitudes Donald Trump represents are not confined to the US. As usual, the US may be doing it bigger, but people like Trump, far right movements, they are rising in Britain and across Europe. People are supporting them in Britain and across Europe. It needs to stop.*)

56 comments

  1. James Hopes says:

    It would be good one day to see an election in any country that actually has a candidate that I would choose to vote for rather than just choosing based on who is less useless / abhorrent than the others!! #KCACOLS

  2. The rhyme made me laugh (especially “Looking alarmingly apricot.”) but it also made me want to cry inside. Because your serious note at the end resonates so strongly with me. I normally don’t pass comment on the politics of other countries. But Donald Trump becoming president genuinely scares me. I think you’re right to point out it will not possible to control him… #KCACOLS

  3. Emily says:

    This has to have been my favourite post all month. After Brexit, nothing would surprise me anymore, but this would horrify me. I seriously fear for what the world would become if such a crazy, xenophobic man got into power.

    Emily – Babiesandbeauty #marvmondays

  4. Jo Sandelson says:

    Couldn’t have put it better! To find even Nigel Farage coming back from trying to cosy up to DT last week but finding him too right-wing should say it all. Have been wanting to write/draw a post for ages but am in a state of paralysis not knowing how to say what you have just done. In other words speechless, but there’s a time to speak out and you are right to have done so. God help us all if he wins but we are all responsible even in a small way for allowing this to happen if we say nothing. So thank you and hats off. #KCACOLS

  5. Sharon Parry says:

    This is so great! It terrifies me that he could actually get elected and utterly bemuses me that he got to the stage that this could be a possibility. Please USA don’t do it!! #KCACOLS

  6. OddHogg says:

    This is hilarious!! I don’t usually share my political views publically – but I really hope USA are sensible with this one and elect Hilary! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  7. Pen says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this. I feel genuinely sick whenever I hear anything that Trump says. Had we not had the Brexit experience here, I would be confident that he will never win, but you can never predict. I am really scared. Pen x #KCACOLS

  8. heidi says:

    That is insanely fabulous and after I leave I have to share it everywhere. It is crazy how he has made my country a joke and I would hate him but that would use my energy and he is not worth it. #bigpinklink

  9. This man needs to jump off the nearest cliff! He is disgusting and I totally agree with Tom Hanks who said he is not disgusted as a father or husband but as a man. He is an appalling example of a “politician” and I’m amazed he got to where he is in the election!
    #twinkleytuesday

  10. Debbie says:

    Hi Silly Mummy, I thought your rhyme was very clever, it must have taken an age to write! The Pig in a wig isn’t a serious politician, it’s just one big game to him, a power struggle. It’s all about him and what he wants. The scary thing is he is a go getter and won’t give up without a fight.

    xx

  11. Brilliant post as usual!! I love the cat in the hat style. But you are correct this is serious, this man cannot be elected. This might sound dramatic but he could start WW3 if he was elected and followed his words with action……….. 🙁
    Come on USA, the choices might not be as you would like but there is a right choice and a wrong choice here. This has gone way beyond the views of two separate political parties. For those who are fed up and just want change, I get it. But think about the future of your country, an anti-establish vote could have very damaging consequences.
    Anyway, that’s my two pennies….
    #chucklemums

  12. Yvonne says:

    Firstly this is a fabulous poem! As I was reading this, it did make me think than when you put it all down on paper like this how completely crazy the whole thing is. I cannot believe he has even got this far – completely bonkers. I am convinced he did it as a joke and didn’t expect to get this far, so he is just seeing how far he can push it!

  13. Wendy says:

    Great parody, I loved it. My fingers are tightly crossed that Trump doesn’t get the votes, even though I live in the UK the thought of someone like him being president terrifies me!xx #anythinggoes #fortheloveofblog

  14. Well I constantly say you are a ridiculously clever writer but this is pure genius and my favourite of yours (but then I say that each time I read you). Utterly hilarious and depressing at the same time. How is even allowed to be running still? I know the US is a democracy but Jesus surely there must be some legal power that can remove him! #fridayfrolics

  15. Bravo! That was hillary-os (get it? Like hilarious, but with hillary?).

    God help us all should he win, and theres a pretty good chance of that happening, given whats happened in other parts of the world. You guys had Brexit, and here in Australia, we elected a gridlock government, whose fate is determined by one of the most disgusting right-wing racists in Aus history.
    Thanks for sharing #KCACOLS

  16. stacey oakes says:

    I have no idea how it has gotten to this point that he is even in the running. scary shit and I’m nervous for the result. Best of luck America!!! Well done also, I have no idea how you manage to get all that info to rhyme and still make sense. You’re a genius!

  17. Sarah says:

    This is genius as always, but I am genuinely frightened that there may be a Pig in the White House. Terrifying prospect. #FridayFrolics

    PS you’re so right about idealism

  18. You’ve really nailed this! The idea of someone like Trump getting in is so scary that i hope everyone in the US wakes up soon and see’s him for what he really is. A Looney Toon with money to burn! Great poem. #FridayFrolics

  19. The world is a strange place, isnt’ it? I do wonder how this will unfold. The outcome of this election will show us a bit of something about the average American. Are they ready to accept a woman president? Or will they revert back to the default setting of white male supremacy? Clever way of presenting a serious issue in a playful fashion. #FridayFrolics

  20. I’m finally feeling he has handed it over to her, and I am still very scared. He is evil. He is divisive. He inspires violence and hate. How are we all going to heal from this one… Thanks for this post! #FridayFrolics

  21. Another fabulous parody, I really dont know how you do it! But on an absolutely serious note, I completely agree. Its scary to think that this man could legitimately become president of the United States. I cant believe he has made it as far as he has, he is the worst example of a candidate that I have ever seen. Really hoping like you that he doesnt get to the finishing line.. Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  22. Lee Gaitan says:

    This CANNOT happen,
    CANNOT, I pray,
    Let reason rule
    On election day!

    My favorite line from the last debate was when he referenced having just met with “some, um, really high representatives of India.” Gee, I wonder if he also met with “real important people, way up in government” from other places, too! Dear GAWD!

  23. sue says:

    Oh my how clever you are to right such a long rhyme! I will be so glad when this election is over and I live in Australia! I can imagine how the poor citzens of the US feel.

  24. Jennifer says:

    On my birthday, I will proudly vote for HRC. Trump (and I say that with disgust) is the result of the dumbing down of America. What we spend on our military takes away from the education of our children and the result is that Trump has followers who believe anything he says—-even when his lies are so obvious and the numbers he makes up are impossible. And I am sad for how we look in the world right now.

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