Trust Me, I’m Still a Toddler

The Baby is in trouble for harassing (throwing toys at) the cat again. She is crying hysterically (The Baby, not the cat – the cat looks a little smug, actually). Silly Daddy said ‘no’ to The Baby. He said, ‘No! Don’t do it!’ The Baby understands ‘no’. She has formulated two responses to ‘no’. The first is for any ‘no’ The Baby has deemed lacks sufficient conviction to be taken seriously. The Baby has concluded that the appropriate reaction to such a ‘no’ is to giggle and carry on as you were. The second response is for your serious, actually in trouble, shouty ‘no’. In these cases, The Baby feels that the only course of action is to weep hysterically and inconsolably. It is currently unclear whether The Baby is absolutely distraught to discover she has been naughty, or has simply decided, once and for all, that she is putting a stop to this ridiculous belief that people can go around telling her ‘no’.

So, The Baby is sobbing her little heart out. The Toddler is at the scene: ‘Me give The Baby a cuddle.’ The Baby does not want a cuddle; she cries harder. As a trained medical professional, The Toddler is unfazed: ‘Me get doctor’s kit!’ The Toddler rushes off and returns with her doctor’s kit.

The Toddler pulls out her stethoscope and listens to The Baby’s chest. The Baby keeps crying. The Toddler rams a thermometer into The Baby’s mouth: ‘Do tentup!’ The Baby’s ‘tentup’ is fine but, if anything, she is now more upset. Out comes the otoscope. The Toddler inspects The Baby’s ear. The Baby does, in fact, have something wrong with her ear: Silly Daddy told her off right in her ear and it was unacceptable. Despite coming so close to a medical breakthrough, The Toddler abandons the otoscope. She has decided that The Baby could do with a hair cut. Fortunately, there are scissors in the doctor’s kit. The Toddler grabs these and starts chopping at sections of The Baby’s hair. The Baby is not happy about this at all.

Hair cut completed, The Toddler frankly forgets about her investigation into The Baby altogether. She has a syringe. She brandishes it at the room in general and yells, ‘Roar!’ A roaring syringe. Interesting. That must be the controversial Measles Mumps and Roar vaccine.

The results of the extensive medical tests on The Baby have revealed two things. Firstly, The Baby is crying. Secondly, The Baby does not appreciate being the subject of extensive medical tests when she is crying.

Modern Dad PagesSuper Busy MumLet's Talk MommyA Cornish MumFriday Frolics
Modern Dad PagesSuper Busy MumLet's Talk MommyA Cornish MumFriday Frolics


  1. Alison says:

    Hilarious. Here Little Man’s reaction to a loud shouty ‘no’ is to giggle harder. Sneeze or cough just a little bit too loud, however, and it’s the WORST. THING. EVER. #MMWBH

  2. Mrs Tubbs says:

    No one likes being the subject of major medical examinations at the best of times! The toddler’s bedside manner may need a little work 😉 OTH, it’s still be better than some of the doctors who’ve poked and prodded me over the years! Have a lovely week

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