It’s Ten Funniest Things time again, and the newly appointed Sea Captain Mummy presents The Toddler:
1. On supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
The Toddler continues to be besotted with Mary Poppins. Feeling ambitious, she decides to try singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: ‘Super…sup…suer…supra…supercagla…Mummy, I can’t say that word at all!’ Don’t worry, The Toddler, quite understandable. It’s a very difficult word. Silly Mummy would go so far as to say the sound of it is something quite atrocious.
2. On furniture, not a climbing frame
The Baby has been behaving in a reckless – and frankly very childish -manner, clambering all over the furniture. The Toddler is not standing for it: ‘It’s not a climbing frame, The Baby. I’ve told you not to climb it. Please don’t climb, The Baby.’
3. On The Baby, brainwashing of
The Toddler is attempting to brainwash The Baby. The Toddler wants to watch Peppa Pig, but has met Silly Mummy based resistance. She needs back up, and she knows just the baby to ask: ‘The Baby, do you not want to watch Peppa Pig? Say it. The Baby, you say Peppa Pig. The Baby, you say it. The Baby likes say Peppa Pig. Look at me, The Baby. Say it.’ The Baby remains silent on the subject, but does pick up The Toddler’s Peppa Pig balloon. The Toddler will take that as a win: ‘That’s right, The Baby! Peppa Pig! That’s right, The Baby – Peppa pig on there!’
4. On Silly Daddy, incrimination of
In the latest episode of ‘The Toddler’s Guide to Proper Decorum at the Doctors’ Surgery’ The Toddler has been demonstrating how to alleviate boredom by incriminating Silly Daddy. The Baby is having her vaccinations. The Toddler apparently suddenly remembers her last trip to the doctor, when Silly Daddy took her to have a skin condition on her neck checked out. The Toddler decides to inform the nurse about this trip. Sort of. She announces, ‘I hurt my neck!’ Silly Mummy realises what The Toddler is thinking about, but then Silly Mummy is trained in the art of toddler interpretation. The nurse looks concerned and replies, ‘Oh dear, have you? What’s wrong with it?’
The Toddler expands on her original statement: ‘I hurt my neck!’
The nurse says, ‘How did that happen?’
The Toddler, presumably instead answering the question of how she happened to get to the doctors’ surgery, announces: ‘Daddy! Daddy did it! Got a sticker!’ Oh dear. The Toddler got a sticker. Silly Daddy did not receive a sticker for hurting The Toddler’s neck. Which he also did not do. Can we start again?
5. On praise
The Toddler has developed a rather unusual method of delivering praise. She does not say ‘well done’. No. She says ‘undone’. ‘Undone, everyone!’ Give it a go next time you want to praise your colleagues in a work meeting: ‘Undone, everyone, undone. No, really, very undone!’
6. On that being nice
Silly Mummy tells The Toddler we will read some books upstairs. The Toddler nods: ‘That will be nice, won’t it?’ It has since become a favourite phrase. It is sometimes genuinely hard to tell if The Toddler is being very polite or quite sarcastic.
7. On Tommy Cooper, just like that
This week The Toddler has mostly been Tommy Cooper: ‘Mummy, I’m sitting here with my blanket. Just like that.’ We also have the variation of ‘just like this’, mostly used for bossiness towards The Baby: ‘What did The Baby do?’
‘She just fell over and now she’s a bit sad.’
‘Don’t do that, The Baby. Do like me. Just like this.’
8. On Sea Captain Mummy
While The Toddler has been Tommy Cooper, Silly Mummy has been ‘Sea Captain Mummy’. On one occasion, Silly Mummy misbehaved and was ‘naughty Sea Captain Mummy’.
9. On super lunch
It is 9:30 am. What is The Toddler doing? ‘I’m making super lunch.’ Out of coasters, no less. The Toddler snatches them away: they are not quite ready yet. ‘I need to put it in the fridge. Need to waiting for it to cool down first, please.’ Obviously Silly Mummy looks like the sort of person who would eat the coasters before they are ready.
10. On chocolate spread
The Toddler has been given chocolate spread on toast to try by Silly Daddy, who asks her, ‘Do you like it?’
The Toddler considers, ‘Yes…it’s a bit dirty.’
Other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 1: Come On, Guys
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 3: Think So, Mummy
Week 4: Your Emus
Week 5: Don’t Do It
Week 6: Get On It
Week 7: Calm Down
Week 8: Perfick
Week 9: That’s Not Fair
Week 10: Silly Me
Week 11: Right, What’s The Problem