We’re All Mad Here

alice-in-wonderland-276452_1280The Toddler and The Baby are playing house. Theirs is a rather unconventional household. Silly Mummy suspects it is located down a rabbit hole. All ways here are The Toddler’s way (though The Baby is more likely than The Toddler to try to take someone’s head off, probably with a toy bus). The Toddler is usually rushing somewhere for no particular reason. The Baby is often hiding, revealing just a cheeky grin. Care given to baby dolls has probably been learnt from the Duchess: fling it around a bit, shout, and then throw it at someone else. There is usually a tea party. It may have been going on for some days. The chances of anyone receiving any actual tea are slim. There is at least one person wearing a silly hat at any given time. Everyone will be asked obscure, unsolvable riddles. And, if there ever were any jam tarts, they have definitely been stolen and eaten by The Toddler (while The Baby runs behind yelling ‘bit’ in a hopeful voice). Certainly everyone is mad here.

Morning in the Toddler-Baby house has started in a traditional manner. The Baby has offered The Toddler a cup of tea. Well, she hasn’t exactly offered a cup of tea, so much as sat by the stairgate minding her own business. Nonetheless, The Toddler has informed her: ‘I won’t have a cup of tea, thank you, The Baby. I think I’ll have a cup of coffee instead. And a biccy.’ Despite The Baby’s complete inactivity on the coffee making front, The Toddler surprisingly receives her coffee and biscuits from the confused Baby Servant, and thanks her accordingly.

Coffee consumed, The Toddler sets about her chores for the day. These mostly seem to involve moving around her ‘demidifier’ (dehumidifier). That would be a toy hammer from her tool belt to everyone else.

Meanwhile, according to The Toddler, The Baby is now doing her work. The Baby obediently wanders off to stand by the door, where her work is apparently located. Being an International Baby of Mystery, The exact nature of The Baby’s work remains unknown. Though it does seem to involve a lot of asking, ‘Where’s cat gone?’

During a raisin break for The Baby, The Toddler engages in some shoe fitting, which does not go down too well. Frankly, The Baby does not want to try on pretend glass slippers to see if they fit while she is trying to eat raisins. She is even less impressed when The Toddler starts trying to get pretend ‘glass wellies’ to fit her. The Baby is not sure what kind of a prince sends a toddler with a glass welly around the maidens of the kingdom, but she is not marrying him.

Having dealt with the humidity, and the glass slippers/wellies, The Toddler has some writing to do. She sets about her correspondence with a toy chisel. Perhaps The Toddler and The Baby are cavemen. That might explain The Baby’s job. She’s hunting a sabre toothed tiger for their tea – ‘where’s cat gone’ was actually a reasonable description.

Unfortunately, the harmony of the Toddler-Baby household is shattered when they both attempt to sit on the same seat, and fall on the floor. The Baby declares that she will no longer not make The Toddler coffee. The Toddler threatens to ‘demidify’ The Baby.* They retire to different corners to fling themselves on the floor. Off with their heads!

(*These were not their actual words, but were implied in the glaring, shoving and howling.)


  1. Mim says:

    Ha ha on one hand I can’t wait for my baby to talk so I can experience this interaction with his sister but on the other…I’m terrified! Love it x x x

  2. lol this is hilarious but it’s also been my life for the past 6 years (since our seocnd child was a functioning baby). I love the line about the International Baby of Mystery & the distrubed raisin eating. Little kids are very serious about their work for sure. #TwinklyTuesday x

  3. Mrs Tubbs says:

    Dear producers of modern family,

    Should you wish to introduce some new characters into your show, may I recommend a family of Brits – mum, dad, two children … I promise that you will never sit in script conferences again wondering what you’ll show this week or be in need of more funny …

  4. Lady Nym says:

    So funny! The cubs’ games tend to involve Tyger telling Bear to do something and Bear wandering off. Tyger has taken to telling people they’re going to be sent to ‘jailed’ if they don’t do as he tells them but Bear mostly ignores that too.


  5. Anna Brophy says:

    Quite a laugh when you watch the little ones play…thrilled that my two finally play together…for a whole of 5 mins at a time, but still… And what is their obsession with putting adult shoes on? #abitofeverything

  6. El says:

    Brilliant! You better start looking for a manager for your two Stars in the making! Baby servant — LOL…thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

  7. I’m thinking, after this post, that The Toddler may have a personality disorder…At times it seems as if she’s the White Rabbit, then the Cheshire Cat, she switches over to the Mad Hatter, then all at once; “Off with her head” she’s the Queen of Hearts! LOL What fun it must be at your house. You and The Silly Daddy better play along!

  8. Jenny says:

    OH we have those looks that say it all between my two tots as well. Can relate so much. Love the implied words. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  9. Brilliant! I love the Toddler’s “demidifier” and the analogy with Alice in Wonderland – very apt and definitely something I can relate to. Glad to hear that the Toddler did get her coffee and a biccy and I loved the “trying on” of glass wellies – that’s a very funny take on the Cinderella story. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

  10. Hahahaha!!!!
    You’ve done it again you Mad Hatter you. I couldn’t stop laughing! ??
    Plenty of times I’ve wanted to ‘demidify’ someone – I know how your toddler feels…
    Simply genius.xx

  11. This is fantastic! I love Alice in Wonderland. It must be very amusing in your house! x

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    Rachel xx

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