According to the Brexit brigade, Theresa May has this week done a ‘good’ thing for our country. The ‘right’ thing. This is the right thing to do. So I thought, that being correct, it would be okay to teach your kids to behave like the Brexiteers, right? You know, because they’re not doing anything wrong, are they? It’s the right thing for the country, so it must be the right way to raise the younger generation.
With that in mind, I have considered ten lessons we should be teaching our children if we want to raise them according to the lessons of Brexit.
If you make a mistake, whatever you do, don’t admit it was a mistake and fix it. Just plough on with the mistake. After all, once you do something stupid, you have no choice but to commit to the stupid, right?
Racism and xenophobia are bad…but, when confronted with racists, the thing to do is bend over backwards trying to mollify them and give them exactly what they want. In fact, it is a great idea to start spouting racism yourself. You know, so they’ll like you.
3. Bullies and Principles
Don’t stand up to bullies. Don’t stand up for what you believe in. Don’t stand up for vulnerable people. Don’t stand up for anything. Standing up for things is ‘whiny’.
Never listen to experts. We’re sick of experts.
In fact, we are sick of education, information and facts. Be ignorant and proud of it.
Use words that you like regardless of whether or not you understand them. Like ‘sovereignty’.
It’s usually a good idea to impulsively fall out with all of your friends. Tell them you hate them and you’re leaving. Never ever reflect on this at a later point. Instead, find the school maniac (he’ll be the one torturing local cats), and hold his hand.
8. Telling the Truth
Don’t share. Never share. Sharing is bad. There is NOT enough for everyone. Everything should be yours. You are more important than anyone else.
10. Self Preservation
Shoot yourself in the foot. Maintain that you have done the right thing, even whilst hopping in circles.
I’m sure they’ll turn out great. What could go wrong?