Where’s Daddy Gone: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time again for the Ten Funniest Things feature. This week, technically The Ten Funniest Things The Toddlers Said Last Week, as The Baby is putting in an appearance.

Silly Mummy presents The Toddler/The Baby:

1. On being Bruce Forsyth
The Toddler is talking to The Baby in the bath: ‘Haven’t you had a lovely time, The Baby?’ Yes, The Toddler is Bruce Forsyth.

2. On Little Red Riding Hood, not a shoplifter
The Toddler is pretending to be Little Red Riding Hood. Apparently, The Toddler’s Little Red Riding Hood has been suspected of shop lifting, and is keen to set the record straight. The Toddler puts a giant muslin on her head (as her hood, obviously), and marches off towards the door: ‘Hello, Grandma, I’ve got some food for you. I paid for it first.’

3. On what happens when the yoghurt is finished
The Toddler has finished her yogurt, and has a truly masterful grasp on all that entails: ‘All done now. No more eating it for me.’ (Gifted, you say? Why, thank you. It doesn’t seem presumptuous to say Mensa is being considered.)

4. On the pantomime
The Toddler has been having flashbacks again. This time to the pantomime she saw before Christmas: ‘When I was at pantomime, I saw Snow White. And Snow White was ill. And TV* was broken. And I clapped. And I said ‘boo’ to Evil Queen. And Evil Queen spun around. Woo. Mr Maker was her friend.’ Quite accurate, actually.

(*She means the magic mirror.)

5. On polite enquiries
Silly Mummy drops a bottle of shampoo in the bathroom. The Toddler, who has been raised extremely well, don’t you know, takes a (very) polite interest: ‘My darling, what did you do, darling?’

6. On the cat, not having a balloon
The Toddler has mastered the art of ‘because I said so’. The cat has been eyeing up her balloon, The Toddler is stern: ‘It’s my balloon, Cat. You can’t have it cos you can’t have it.’

7. On the monster, lost
The Toddler approaches Silly Mummy, looking sheepish: ‘Mummy, I’ve got a problem. I’ve lost the monster. Can you help me find him?’ Silly Mummy wasn’t actually aware that there was a monster, but it seems a reasonable request. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to lose one monster can be considered a misfortune. Though, if she loses another, it will start to look like carelessness, and Silly Mummy will have to put her foot down.

8. On the best film for her
The Toddler is picking a film to watch. Silly Mummy says, ‘We’ve got How to Train Your Dragon, or shall we look for Kung Fu Panda?’
The Toddler knows what’s right for her: ‘No, I think dragon will be best for me.’

9. On giraffes, dog-like
The Baby likes to call all animals dogs at the moment. She presents Silly Mummy with a wooden giraffe: ‘Dog!’
Silly Mummy futilely corrects her: ‘Giraffe.’
The Baby decides to give Silly Mummy a break. She smiles sweetly: ‘Giraffe-dog!’

10. On Silly Daddy, leaving
Silly Daddy is off to work. The Baby has decided she is not in the mood for long goodbyes this morning. She is literally showing Silly Daddy the door. Standing in the entrance way she points: ‘Door! Daddy, door!’ Silly Daddy is still saying goodbye to The Toddler. The Baby impatiently waves goodbye: ‘Daddy, door!’ Silly Daddy finally leaves. As he shuts the door, The Baby turns to Silly Mummy, looking surprised: ‘Where’s Daddy gone?’ Well, he was unceremoniously booted out of the house, The Baby. By you.


If you’d like to see further posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature, they can be found here.


  1. Fran says:

    that is so funny. I was thinking about writing down all the funny things my kids say. they have me in stitches sometimes, but unfortunately we forget so fast. lets enjoy these little gems 🙂

  2. Hurray, I love that baby is starting to show an appearance, double the fun. I love little red riding hood not the shoplifter. It reminds me of stopping the boys eating things in the supermarkets, I always said, no we have to pay for them first! Fab post hun and thanks for linking up with #FamilyFun

  3. Mmt says:

    Loving the baby’s cameo appearance…I’m guessing this may become a regular?
    This series is honestly one of the funniest out there…thank you for linking it to #coolmumclub

  4. Zoe says:

    That’s so funny! My little toddler is starting to say the funniest things as well – you’ve inspired me to jot them down so I remember all of them!

  5. martyn says:

    Haha I’m glad little red Riding Hood paid for the food. I believe these fairy tale characters get away with so much! 😉

    And quite right about the balloon. Cats would never fully appreciate it. #ftmob

  6. I love The Toddler’s version of Little Red Riding Hood and reassuring Grandma that the contents of the basket have indeed been paid for. I’m quite impressed by how much she remembered of the panto – it always amazes me how much my girls remember of things we’ve done quite a while ago too! Love The Toddler’s concern about you dropping the shampoo – so cute and The Baby made me laugh with her insistence on showing Daddy the door and then wondering where he had gone. Thank you for linking up again to #ftmob 🙂

  7. Carol Hedges says:

    Little G is STILL trying to teach the cat to say thank you for a cat biscuit. Even though she has to be prompted herself……The tone of self-righteous complacency in which the cat is prompted: ‘THANK you Avalyn’ is hilarious.

  8. Adrian says:

    She sounds wise beyond her years! Very very funny. Love the cat and the balloon! Mine lifts up the blinds in the front room and calls for his friends “Toby?!” No Toby. Evie?! No Evie…” etc

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