Woof: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

It’s time for the Ten Funniest Things feature, and this week there is also a word (literally) from William Wallace, sorry, The Baby.

First, Silly Mummy gives you The Toddler:

1. On ears, not safe
Silly Mummy touches The Toddler’s ear, apparently a more dangerous activity than it appears, as The Toddler yells, ‘Don’t touch it! It’s not safe!’ She does not expand upon exactly why her ear is not safe.

2. On the Tooth Fairy
The Baby is very insistently offering The Toddler a leaflet that came through the door and is now The Baby’s most prized possession. The Toddler is ignoring her eager little sister, so Silly Mummy explains that The Baby would like The Toddler to take her leaflet because she is trying to be nice. The Toddler catches on and takes the leaflet: ‘You give that to me? Thank you, The Baby.’ As is usually the way with small children, of course, The Baby only wanted to loan her prized possession to The Toddler. She is now looking hopefully at The Toddler. Silly Mummy asks The Toddler if she would like to give the leaflet back to The Baby now. The Toddler would not: ‘Not going to have it back. It’s my Tooth Fairy.’ Of course it is. Bloody Peppa Pig and her Tooth Fairy letters.

3. On Mary Poppins, summarising
The Toddler has just got to the end of Mary Poppins (again). As Mary flies off with her umbrella, The Toddler summarises the situation: ‘Mary Poppins she’s got to go and see more children. She’s got to go and fly a kite with her bag.’ Yes, that seems to about cover the end of Mary Poppins, if not correct kite flying techniques.

4. On Labyrinth, also summarising
Other films The Toddler has a perfect grasp of include Labyrinth (which Silly Daddy is inexplicably convinced any two year old would want to see): ‘Where’s the baby? We can’t find it!’ David Bowie appears, The Toddler exclaims: ‘What’s that?’

5. On distrac…fluff
Silly Mummy and The Toddler are engaged in a serious conversation, not that Silly Mummy can remember what it is about, as The Toddler seems to have led the discussion firmly down the path labelled distraction: ‘And then…Oh a bit of fluff there. Just a bit of fluff. It’s there. I get rid of it. It’s gone now.’ (As is everyone’s train of thought.)

6. On porridge, apologising for
The Toddler has been asking Silly Mummy for porridge. Silly Mummy is about to make The Toddler some food, and seeks to confirm whether porridge is still desired: ‘Do you still want to have porridge?’
The Toddler appears to feel Silly Mummy’s question implies porridge making is a particularly onerous task: ‘Yes, I do. Sorry about that. I’ll get it myself then.’

7. On her name
The Toddler is misbehaving. Silly Mummy informs her she is a little monster. The Toddler knows Silly Mummy gets confused, and patiently corrects her: ‘I’m not a monster, I’m The Toddler!’

8. On saying ‘woof’
The Toddler is saying ‘woof’. For no particular reason. This is a little odd. She’s also giving a running commentary about the fact that she is saying ‘woof’. This is more than a little odd. ‘Woof. I say woof to The Baby. I’ll say woof to you. Woof. Do you like woof, The Baby?’

9. On kettles, boring
Silly Mummy is asking The Baby to fetch her various items (to see what words The Baby understands, not because The Baby is Silly Mummy’s slave). Silly Mummy asks The Baby if she can find the kettle from the toy tea set. The Toddler has an objection and interjects: ‘You can’t have the kettle – it’s very boring.’

10. On sharing
The Toddler has been rooting around in the games cupboard she is not supposed to go in. Playing cards are now all over the floor. Silly Mummy is picking them up. The Toddler is protesting Silly Mummy’s seizure of ‘her’ property. Silly Mummy points out: ‘Those are Mummy’s cards.’
The Toddler is feeling generous: ‘I’ll share them with you.’

A word (just the one) from The Baby
The Baby has broken into the restricted (for toddlers and baby toddlers) dining area. She is very pleased with herself. She dodges Silly Mummy and manages to grab a pen before she is apprehended. As Silly Mummy approaches her, The Baby waves her pen in the air, Braveheart style, and issues her war cry: ‘Booooooop!’ You can take The Baby’s pen, but you’ll never take her bop! (In all fairness, ‘bop’ is a more rational war cry than the one William Wallace uses in that film. I’d go so far as to suggest that the course of Scottish history could have been very different had the Scots waved their pens and yelled ‘bop’ at the army of Edward I.)

Some other posts in the ‘Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week’ feature
Week 2: I’ll Tell You What, Mummy
Week 12: Undone, Everyone
Week 18: A Spinny Armpits
Week 20: You’re a Good Winner


  1. Min says:

    Yay! The Baby has broken her silence! Piglet is now starting to attempt some words and I am loving it. Looking forward to seeing how the forthcoming conversations between The Baby and The Toddler unfold.

  2. I love this…” โ€˜Do you still want to have porridge?โ€™
    The Toddler appears to feel Silly Mummyโ€™s question implies porridge making is a particularly onerous task: โ€˜Yes, I do. Sorry about that. Iโ€™ll get it myself then.โ€™

    I love it. It’s like, whatever, get out of the way, I’ll do it myself! Cracks me up! Well, they all do, but really love this!!!

  3. Mim says:

    Ha ha The Baby – another word – BOP, awesome, much needed I say. Why oh why are toddlers obsessed with fluff though? Mine is the same – finds it (everywhere in our house) and brings each bit to me announcing it as ‘FLUFF’ and waiting until I put it in the bin. I’m not Kim or Aggie, there’s fluff – deal with it! Thanks for linking up to #ParentingPicks Mim x

  4. newmumkaboom says:

    โ€˜Donโ€™t touch it! Itโ€™s not safe!โ€™ brilliant. No idea why.
    My little man discovered his bellybutton today and has taken great delight in pointing at his tummy saying what sounds like ‘baby bottom’. I think need some anatomy lessons over here.

  5. Mel says:

    Kids really say the funniest things. It’s brilliant to record it all in such a detailed way. They’ll love going through your notes (blog!) when they grow up. Great anecdote with the porridge, and how cute that the Toddler should be watching Mary Poppins. My toddler is obsessed with Harry Potter! #ftmob

  6. Jenny says:

    I love how many funny things toddler says. It keeps us all so entertained. I used to write each week the funny phrases B said as a toddler but he is too old now and just not mistaking things anymore and MM really doesn’t do it as much as he does. I miss it so much. Great to write them all down. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me I hope to see you again tomorrow for another round of #sharewithme

  7. Oh your children are great!
    I haven’t seen Braveheart (it’s on the list!) but when I do, I’ll imagine the roar of The Baby!
    One day maybe The Toddler will tell you why ears aren’t safe!
    Thanks for linking up with #SSAmazingAchievements

  8. I love The Baby’s war cry of “Boooop!” whilst brandishing her pen and The Toddler deciding that she will get the porridge herself. The Toddler’s comments on Labyrinth and her ear not being safe made me chuckle as well. Always love reading the funny things that The Toddler and The Baby say – thank you for sharing them with #ftmob ๐Ÿ™‚

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